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  1. #31
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    I am completely comfortable with DP to ask him anything. The answer isn't always yes but if he smoked of course I'd ask him to stop. Him getting sick and/or dying is my worst nightmare. There is a reason married men live longer than single and part of it is because their wives help with their health issues. I nag him to go to the GP and I am bloody glad I do!!!

    If it was a new relationship and he was already a smoker I certainly wouldn't 'tell' him to not smoke but I would certainly let him know I would be totally supportive if he wanted to quit.

    A friend of mine lost his father to cancer as a result of smoking and you bet your bottom dollar he tells his wife her smoking is a deal breaker.

  2. #32
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    I was the smoker when DH and I began our relationship almost 12 years ago. I asked him v early on if it bothered him, and he said that what I did with my body was my choice. I knew he couldn't have liked it (who would except another smoker?), but I continued on until I came to the decision to quit myself. Been a non smoker for around 5 years now, but have always appreciated that he left it entirely up to me and never pushed the subject (never brought it up, actually!).

  3. #33
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    Many years ago shortly after my brother was born he was hospitalised multiple times for asthma- to the point of being intubated- my mother has never smoked- however my father chain smoked- she told him that either he quit or she moved out with my brother- he quit.

  4. #34
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    Yes and no... The last thing I want to do is play a 'motherly' role to dh, and I believe he is more than capable about making his own choices about his body. BUT, I wouldn't have ever chosen to set up my life with a smoker and smoke is actually very dangerous to me (really crappy lungs). Given that he knows my health situation and the implications it can have for me, I would be majorly p*ssed if he chose to ignore it and smoke anyway and would almost definitely be hurt enough to leave him. Also, I am totally against my children being bought up in a smoking environment.

  5. #35
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    I think you can ask them to quit, talk about it etc, but you can't expect them too...

  6. #36
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    I think you can tell them how much you hate it and how much you'd love it if they quit, but no, I don't think you can tell your partner what they can and can't do with their body.

    I also think it is very reasonable to say they cannot smoke at home, that way you are not controlling what they can and can't do, but you are making a stand about the health of your family, and making it clear how much you hate it.

  7. #37
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    I think you can tell them, but I don't think you can make them it has to be a choice by the smoker, as an ex smoker if you aren't ready to quit you won't succeed
    it has to be your own decision

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  8. #38
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    I don't think I could be with a smoker, but I don't think anyone ever has the right to tell their partner what to do.

    You can, of course, tell them how you feel... ask them to quit... or even set an ultimatum if it really is a deal breaker for you. As far as I'm concerned, relationships always require discussion/compromise. If there's no way you can possibly compromise on something important, then you always have the choice to walk away from the relationship.

  9. #39
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    Yes. I told dh when we first met that I hate that he smokes. We were in love ( and still are) so I said I will not say yes if he proposed (we had been talking about it) if he still smoked as I didnt want our babies to be around cigarette smoke.
    If he loved me and wanted to be with me then he would quit. And he did. I know he has the occassional. I'm talking at Christmas drinks at work or another rare occasion per year. I can smell it a mile off but that's ok I just tell him he can't touch ds until he has showered and done teeth.
    I'm strict on that. It would kill him and I don't want him to kill himself by smoking and leavjng ds without a dad.

  10. #40
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    I personally don't want to be with a smoker so I have never started a relationship with one. However I was mightily p!ssed when my ex decided during our relationship to take up smoking due to some belated teenage rebellion. And yes, I did nag. He couldn't possibly have been addicted when I asked him to stop so it would've been easy for him. As I said to him, with all the health problems it causes, I have a right to not set myself up for a lifetime of stress and possibly hospital visits and terminal illness to worry about. There is no way I would put myself through that. It was a deal breaker for me. If I did happen to fall for a smoker it would be different though because addiction is hard to overcome and can only be done if you are doing it for yourself. I would have to then look at myself and my options rather than expecting/nagging them to quit.


 

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