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  1. #1
    Bulbasaur's Avatar
    Bulbasaur is offline Life is to short to live without icecream
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    Default 4 yr old bullies

    How do you deal when your baby (4yrs) comes home from daycare hysterical because the new boy at daycare hurt him? Iv spoken to the teachers and the teacher that was there was not there by the time I got to daycare to pick him up, so ill be talking to her tomorrow. This young boy hit my boy on the wrist with a object. The moment I picked my baby up he started crying (apparently had only just stopped) and no one new exactly what happened? When I spoke to who was in charge at the times she was really upset that this happened but we couldn't do anything till talking to the lady who delt with it at the time. My ds and I got home and he was just a mess. Screaming and crying and throwing him self around, when I asked him what's wrong while trying to calm him he said the boy hurt him
    Any advice?

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    At this stage, without some form of a repeat element, I wouldn't be labelling it as a bullying incident. It certainly would be upsetting though so to both of you.

    I'd calm your son down, talk to him about how to deal with conflict and get him to practise dealing with conflict and I'd be talking long and hard to the Carers tomorrow.

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  4. #3
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    This one is a tough one. I don't think it is bullying necessarily and unfortunately these things will happen with kids this age.
    Our 4 year old ds has encountered one lil boy who has been hitting at daycare. He often says this person is not his friend, is angry and that he hits him.
    We talk about why this boy might be doing these things and then we talk about how he can deal with the situation and then we tell him if that doesn't work or the boy is being very naughty he needs to let a teacher know.
    At this age it is such a difficult thing to deal with. In your situation I would be speaking to the carers to see what they say and take it from there.

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  6. #4
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    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    I would focus on teaching my DS who is the same age how to deal with that kind of behavior. I guess things like teaching him to be assertive and say something like 'stop it I don't like it' and then to follow up and tell someone what had just happened. I have had issues with DS at daycare being picked on by this one child in particular. Often hurt him and screamed in his face etc. It was so distressing for me and so very hard not to swoop in and rescue my son. But I spoke to the teachers who said they would keep a closer eye on the boys wshen they were together. I taught DS that it was not ok for someone to hit him and he most certainly was never to hit back and eventually they worked through it and now seem to play together. It was horrible at the time, I even had DS cry to me and tell me he didn't want to go to daycare anymore (he LOVES) daycare. I also just told him to steer clear of the nasty boy and play with his friends who were nice and played nicely with him.

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  8. #5
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    Thank you for the advice, I have told him if it happens again go straight to the teacher and tell them. Ill find out in the morning what the dickens happened

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    I agree with PPs, it's not a bullying situation (yet).

    Having him tell the teacher is the right thing to do... and the teacher can then address the behaviour and not make it your son's problem (and if this isn't the result, then you need to speak to the director).

    My son hits sometimes, teachers, kids... whoever. He's not a bully, he just has trouble expressing himself and it comes out in violence.

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    I agree with the others and asking the teachers to keep an eye out on them together is a great idea.

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    I think your child is just a bit sensitive. These incidents will happen at this age. Children will learn how to deal with it eventually. I wouldn't say the other child is a bully as such but at 4yrs old they should be learning and understand right from wrong. If this particular child continues to hit others then I would say he is a bully. Kids that continuously hit other kids, teachers have obvious issues I think.

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    My DS1 (4) was having trouble with one boy at the start of preschool-constantly being hit by him etc. I addressed it with him by telling him to say in a firm cross voice "please stop I don't like what you are doing" and to then let a teacher know what happened. I also addressed it with the teachers also, and they had a lesson with all the children about nice behaviour and unkind behaviour and how to deal with it. It's pretty common for kids to behave this way at these ages but not nice when its your own child! The incidents have lessened and, halfway through the year, DS1 tells me that he stands up for himself when someone does something they shouldn't

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    Sorry not trying to make things worse but was just wondering if this other boy has been moved from another daycare because of the same behaviour. As a teacher myself its distressing but you can ask the other teachers to really not just keep an eye out but actually observe the new child really closely and then nip the whole thing in the bud. Good luck and please keep us all informed of the end result.


 

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