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  1. #41
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    Unsullied, the OP didn't ask for "opinions" from non-single parents. Your "opinion" is not helpful to the op at all.

    If this was in the general area and asked a hypothetical question then you are free to give your opinion but if you come into the single parents section with absolutely no experience, education or qualification behind what you are posting, then I'm afraid some rudeness is to be expected and IMO is quite justified.

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  3. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by unsullied View Post
    You don't need to be rude. We are having an interesting discussion, we don't need childish insults that only end up derailing threads. If you don't have the maturity to be able to cope with someone having a contradictory opinion then perhaps you should refrain from posting.
    How was I being rude? It was a serious question since you obviously did not read any of the posts from the OP and instead felt it was better to make a point that was not relevant to the OP's question and background.


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  4. #43
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    OP has offered for him to come over everyday after work, a full day on the week end, the father left her and has seen the baby 3 times in 3 weeks and won't pay child support...... Yeah he sounds father of the year!

    Don't let the door hit your butt on the way OUT of the single parents section.

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  6. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by unsullied View Post
    My opinions are based solely on the assumption that the ex isn't a Village idiot. If it's the contrary then obviously access, overnight stays etc would be something that you would naturally be wary of. I think if your ex is a good Dad and the kids have a strong bond with him, then those guidelines, in my opinion are way too restrictive and certainly in my situation would only have an adverse affect on the kids and their Dad's relationship. I'm not really speculating on the OPs situation, at least not any more, I'm just giving my 2c on what I think of the situation in general.
    Uummm.....again, the point is being missed here. There's no possible way a father can already have a great bond with a baby that he left before was even born. This would also suggest they aren't exactly winning any 'good dad' awards either. It's completely different to separating when children are older.

    As an example, my DS1 does have a great bond with his Dad, because he lived with him until 13mths at least. I continue to encourage their bond by allowing him to stay over 1 night a week since he was 16mths. This goes against the official guidelines, but it worked best for my DS1 and that's what counts.

    A baby who has no concept of what a father even is? Entirely different. Their best interests is to stay with mum until they are old enough to feel comfortable stayin overnight with someone else.

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  8. #45
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    Thanks for the input everyone. Some great responses, and some a little misguided. To clarify for everyone, yes I unfortunately bred with the village idiot. The alcoholic village idiot too. How could I have been so blind and stupid? Anyway, it's now been a month and he's still only seen ds 3 times, despite working just around the corner and my offer for him to visit at any time still standing. I've even said he's free to sleep over to spend time with ds and ill sleep in the spare bed. But no. He's been too busy to stop by for even an hour. He's been threatening me and harassing me because I don't want ds staying with him overnight. Even when he lived at home, he never did anything to help out. Not once did he bath him, or do anything besides give him a bottle a handful of times and change a few nappies (only if I begged him to). In fact, he used to say ds never needs a bath because babies are clean, and its just not something he wants to do because he'd rather "chill with a beer". not once did he put ds to sleep, or get up at night if hes been screaming for hours, even on his days off. Sometimes he'd spend all day every day for a week playing play station and not even holding ds once. So his demands for overnights visits are not his "rights" and something I'm being selfish for not allowing as some posters have suggested..

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  10. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by unsullied View Post
    You don't need to be rude. We are having an interesting discussion, we don't need childish insults that only end up derailing threads. If you don't have the maturity to be able to cope with someone having a contradictory opinion then perhaps you should refrain from posting.
    This is the single parent section. Good bye.

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  12. #47
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    Arguing between everyone is not helpful to the OP.

    She has ask for Single Parents to advise what access they gave to their ex.

    Please do not argue, or offer an opinion on other topics or have a hypothetical discussion about the rights of fathers. This is about the OP and HER situation.

    Also please keep in mind, this is the single parents section. Whilst partnered members may comment in this section - please keep your comments polite, constructive and helpful. If you cannot help or offer support, please do not comment.

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    My advice was going to be do what is going to suit bub. If she had a close relationship with dad and would be ok then of course overnights would be fine , but as he isn't father of the year it's clearly unsuitable . You have made all the right suggestions to him . Your doing great! Stick to your guns ! Contact CSa and get them to garnish wages so you can get your entitled child support . You aren't stopping him seeing his child , he's acting like a child .
    Good luck op I hope all works out for you

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    Quote Originally Posted by happygirl1982 View Post
    You aren't stopping him seeing his child, he's acting like a child
    Perfectly said!

    OP you've done the right thing by offering unlimited visitation and a whole day on weekends, which is more than generous for a father who has no relationship yet. If he can't even see bub more than 3 times in 3 weeks when working around the corner, then you have to question his commitment.

    First and foremost, contact CSA to arrange child support. He absolutely has a financial obligation, regardless of what else happens. He is trying to manipulate and blackmail you. Not a good role model anyway.

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    Not a single parent, but I think you're doing the right thing.

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