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  1. #11
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    At that ages ex was coming to my house to spend an hour/couple of hours with our son a couple of times a week. He was breasted though so ex knew overnight would be off the cards. Also, a couple of times I needed him/his parents to watch DS for a couple of hours so they spent time with him then.

    I'd contact family relationships and start mediation.

  2. #12
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    Yup he's being a total idiot! He works just around the corner from my place and even though I've offered for him to stop by after work every day, he's only managed to do that 3 times in 3 weeks. When we were together he did nothing for ds, and now expects me to just hand him over from Saturday morning to Sunday night. No chance!! And the fact that he keeps saying he won't pay child support unless I allow such long overnight visits isn't helping his case at all! Why do men have to be so bloody difficult?? He's the one who chose to leave out of the blue, he should have thought of all this first!

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    Quote Originally Posted by twotrunks View Post
    The evidence is fairly clear that a baby shouldn't be away from their primary carer overnight, especially not at that age. I would think two hours two or three times a week would be ideal.
    Rubbish. There are plenty of babies who are away from their primary carers for more than a few hours e.g babies that are in daycare. When DD was a small baby I was away overnight every monday for work whilst DH looked after her and did a grand job. I think it's a good idea your ex has the baby, especially as she is FF. It will help strengthen the bond between father and child, improve his parenting skills, making him a better father, but most of all give you a break. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, such as he is a heavy drinker or drug taker.

  4. #14
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    I have a friend whose bub was mixed fed, and he was overnight with his Dad 2 or 3 nights a week from very young (probably a month old I'd guess) They seemed to cope with it fine, he was a very hands on Dad at that stage, there was a really close bond.

    However, I'd never want a senario like that if it were one of mine, I feel really strongly about the mother baby bond in the first year or so, mind you I'm a breastfeeder, I might feel different if I were formula feeding.

    Regarding the child support, he can't just 'choose' not to pay! Get CSA involved, get them to collect on your behalf.
    Last edited by MilkingMaid; 25-06-2013 at 12:56.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by unsullied View Post
    Rubbish. There are plenty of babies who are away from their primary carers for more than a few hours e.g babies that are in daycare. When DD was a small baby I was away overnight every monday for work whilst DH looked after her and did a grand job. I think it's a good idea your ex has the baby, especially as she is FF. It will help strengthen the bond between father and child, improve his parenting skills, making him a better father, but most of all give you a break. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, such as he is a heavy drinker or drug taker.
    Big difference between your circumstances and the OPs though. I am assuming you live with your DH, your DD saw your DH on a daily basis, possibly even multiple times a day. The OP's ex has seen the child 3 times in 3 weeks....really not long enough for the baby to feel comfortable being left with him for 36 hours or thereabouts with no contact with his primary carer in that time.

    I'm pretty sure twotrunks is right when she says there is plenty of evidence to suggest overnight visits are not in a baby's best interest at that age and that short frequent visits leading up to overnight visits are the way to go.

    OP, sorry I am not a single parent, I just clicked on this post through the new posts section.

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  7. #16
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    "there is plenty of evidence"

    What does that mean? A 'study' was done? You have to take a lot of these 'scientific studies' with a pinch of salt. As you look back over time, you often find that a new scientific study contradicts an old one. That doesn't mean the new one is necessarily credible. . It's very obtuse and glib to simply say a study said it was bad so it's therefore bad for everyone in that situation. Some babies may thrive by spending time with their Dads. Perhaps others would struggle. There are many variables to consider.

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    My ex would visit with DD 4 times a week, 1 hour at a time until 6 months of age. After that it has been 3 times per week for maximum 3 hours at a time. This was what I had decided but it was backed by a family consultant through the courts. My ex and I have an older boy and my ex was useless from day 1. Never got up to him at night (ever), couldn't understand that a baby has needs and sometimes the timing of these needs is inconvenient etc. This set the foundations for his time with DD. It was also backed up by him wanting to take her out for coffee at 8 days of age and she was fully breastfed- ah no, that's not a great parenting decision. I also know that a child's emotional well being is based on the primary carers emotional well being. If you are emotionally disadvantaged by care arrangements then this can impact negatively on the child. IMO I wouldn't be having him dictate to you. Stick to your guns.

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    Quote Originally Posted by unsullied View Post
    "there is plenty of evidence"

    What does that mean? A 'study' was done? You have to take a lot of these 'scientific studies' with a pinch of salt. As you look back over time, you often find that a new scientific study contradicts an old one. That doesn't mean the new one is necessarily credible. . It's very obtuse and glib to simply say a study said it was bad so it's therefore bad for everyone in that situation. Some babies may thrive by spending time with their Dads. Perhaps others would struggle. There are many variables to consider.
    What are your qualifications and experience in this area exactly? If you bothered to do even a little research you would know that PP was not referring to "a study" but an entire psychological theory of attachment and age development, the guidelines for which are now used by the Family Court in deciding appropriate access orders.

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  11. #19
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    AT that age, my ex only saw DD in my company and for a hour or so. I didnt let them have alone visits till much older (I was bf), and certainly no overnights till she was nearly two years old. THis was upheald by mediation and the mediator who agreed that it was best for the child.
    If I were you, Id get yourself into Legal Aide and start mediation and put them into consent orders. He sounds like the type to cause troubles, esp as he's already started. Please dont let this go as I have seen so many women who have and its nothing but trouble.
    Oh, and his excuse for not paying child support is disgusting. GO through CSA and get them to collect, he has no right to not pay for the child he helped to create.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GirlsRock View Post
    Big difference between your circumstances and the OPs though. I am assuming you live with your DH, your DD saw your DH on a daily basis, possibly even multiple times a day. The OP's ex has seen the child 3 times in 3 weeks....really not long enough for the baby to feel comfortable being left with him for 36 hours or thereabouts with no contact with his primary carer in that time.

    I'm pretty sure twotrunks is right when she says there is plenty of evidence to suggest overnight visits are not in a baby's best interest at that age and that short frequent visits leading up to overnight visits are the way to go.

    OP, sorry I am not a single parent, I just clicked on this post through the new posts section.

    I believe babies need their primary carers around during the first year. Particularly if the father doesn't have frequent contact each week. Can you imagine being put into a strange environment and mums not there for such a long period. I think it has potential to create a very nervous baby. Babies needs come first, not dads


 

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