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  1. #31
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    You are so brave even to type that. I have no advice just hugs like everyone else.

    I hope at least the men have been brought I justice.

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    The evidence is all on file now. If they so much as try to shoplift, their prints will link them back to it so they will be caught.

  3. #33
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Hello. I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling and am so deeply sorry that this has happened to you

    My DS was 12 when I had my daughter last year, so I know a little about big age gaps. Thankfully, he has been abolutely wonderful with her, loves her to pieces and dotes on his baby sister. I will never forget the look on his face when he first held her in the hospital... he was just in awe. He is incredibly caring, loving and attached to her and is such a big help. She is now almst 11 months old and simply adores her big bro; her face lights up when he walks in the room and they have beautiful bond and connection already.
    Like you, I'd forgotten pretty much everything about having a baby... I needed the nurses to show me everything again (swaddling, bathing, feeding her etc.. ) as it felt like my first baby all over again.
    But I wouldn't have it any other way. I didn't think it was possible to love another human being as much as I loved my first born, but a mother's instinct is an amazing thing.

    This baby does not deserve to wear the burden of their "father's" (for want of a better word) horrific act. That should not be it's legacy. Or yours. I wish you the very best.
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 16-06-2013 at 21:09. Reason: typos

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  5. #34
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    I'm such an organised person, this pregnancy has thrown me completely. With the last pregnancy, everything was planned, I was able to bond with the baby and get excited and talk to work colleagues about the baby and plans I had, how long off work, plans for when I returned to work, hours and so on, this time it's all over the place and so messy. At least with the last baby, although donor sperm was used, it's all on record so that when my daughter is 18 she will have access to the information (not sure how it works in other states) whereas this baby, who knows if we'll ever find out who the father is, it's like a whole different set of rules with the 2 of them. Trying to get my head around it and it's frying my brain to think about. I look at my tummy and think alien, with my daughter I would look at my tummy and think aww there's my little baby, then talk to her and read to her. The only reading this baby hears is my daughter's home readers and bed time stories if she wants me to read to her, but these days she pretty much takes a book to bed and reads to herself. She only calls me in if she's stuck on a word.

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    You sound like one amazingly strong woman. I am sorry you have had to find out just how strong in such an awful way- no one should have to go through what you have, but I'm sure you know that.

    I have a 10 year old DD too, and a 9 month old. It's a lovely age gap, truly, if you decide you want to keep the baby. My DD is such a wonderful big sister and dotes on my little DD.

    Whether you decide to go for adoption or not, you will find a wealth of support and help here xxx

  7. #36
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Quote Originally Posted by Secret of Cleo View Post
    I'm such an organised person, this pregnancy has thrown me completely. With the last pregnancy, everything was planned, I was able to bond with the baby and get excited and talk to work colleagues about the baby and plans I had, how long off work, plans for when I returned to work, hours and so on, this time it's all over the place and so messy. At least with the last baby, although donor sperm was used, it's all on record so that when my daughter is 18 she will have access to the information (not sure how it works in other states) whereas this baby, who knows if we'll ever find out who the father is, it's like a whole different set of rules with the 2 of them. Trying to get my head around it and it's frying my brain to think about. I look at my tummy and think alien, with my daughter I would look at my tummy and think aww there's my little baby, then talk to her and read to her. The only reading this baby hears is my daughter's home readers and bed time stories if she wants me to read to her, but these days she pretty much takes a book to bed and reads to herself. She only calls me in if she's stuck on a word.
    To be honst, I really don't know if I'd be strong enough to cope, considering the circumstances. For you to have made the decision to keep this baby is tremendous, brave and extremely honourable. I think that in time, everything will fall into place and the love and bond will develop, just like it did with your first baby.
    Like I said in my other post, this unborn baby has done nothing wrong and should not have to carry the burden of it's conception throughout it's lifetime (apologies for using the term "it", I like knowing the sex as it's easier ) and it takes a special person to take on something like this.
    I'd hope I'd have even half the strength that you have displayed if faced with such a traumatic decision...
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 16-06-2013 at 21:27.

  8. #37
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    Thanks. How did you go in the beginning switching from pre-teen mode to newborn mode? I'm so scared of failing and leaving the baby in the car or forgetting that the baby is in the baby swing when I go and do something, I'm getting really distracted now I'm getting older. Sounds crazy probably but it really is something I think a fair bit about lately.

  9. #38
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Quote Originally Posted by Secret of Cleo View Post
    Thanks. How did you go in the beginning switching from pre-teen mode to newborn mode? I'm so scared of failing and leaving the baby in the car or forgetting that the baby is in the baby swing when I go and do something, I'm getting really distracted now I'm getting older. Sounds crazy probably but it really is something I think a fair bit about lately.
    I guess it just comes naturally. I hadn't even held a newborn for years and years and honestly had no clue how we'd all adjust- but you do.

    I remember during my pregnancy that DS would often comment that I would "forget him" (the poor darling!) and just focus on the new baby. He worried that a new baby would take up all of my spare time and we wouldn't do the things that we normally do together (watch movies, play cards, play board games, hang out, laugh and muck around) and the way I explained it to him was that, yes, I will be very busy with his new baby sister, but only because she has different needs than him- that she required my constant care etc.. but, I would absoutely still be the very same mother to him as I aways have been. And that's exactly what happened. Things really did just fall into place after DD was born; we developed a routine and life went on. We still take him to all of sporting activities, just with a little more luggage in the car We still have deep converstaions, play games and muck around as we always have.
    I can totally understand and relate to your concerns regarding having a new born again- I was so scared that I'd get it all wrong, but your maternal instincts will kick in and you will manage. Not only that, you and your DD will no doubt love having a little one in your lives, I'm sure.
    All I can really advise is, take it one day at a time. Change doesn't have to be something you fear. Change can be awesome.
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 16-06-2013 at 21:46.

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  11. #39
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    Your an amazing women mum and human being! The age gap will be ok if your daughter is included with the whole pregnancy and a lil helper when bulbs comes you will have a wonderful lil family. I'm sending you hugs and prayers

  12. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Secret of Cleo View Post
    Thanks. How did you go in the beginning switching from pre-teen mode to newborn mode? I'm so scared of failing and leaving the baby in the car or forgetting that the baby is in the baby swing when I go and do something, I'm getting really distracted now I'm getting older. Sounds crazy probably but it really is something I think a fair bit about lately.
    It's amazing how it all comes flooding back. I remember being in the hospital, holding a tiny newborn size nappy and onesie and staring at my tiny daughter, wondering how the heck I was supposed to change her. She seemed so little, fragile and new! And as a second time mum, most of the middies assumed I was totally informed Even her first bath was something I was so daunted by- but a midwife saw my anxiety and when I explained, she showed me "the ropes". Babies are also really good at making their presence known too
    I also agree with Marigold- I think it's important to recognise the new baby as a little being separate from his/her conception. I don't know how you go about this (or if you already have) but I would think there would be counselling that might help with this specific aspect? I wish I could point you in the correct directions there!

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