+ Reply to Thread
Page 4 of 5 FirstFirst ... 2345 LastLast
Results 31 to 40 of 41
  1. #31
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    5,554
    Thanks
    1,602
    Thanked
    2,360
    Reviews
    6
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Just saw your most recent post, I really think your DH has some serious confidence issues. It would be exhausting to deal with in your position. If you both struggle to have a calm conversation about these issues I highly recommend relationship counselling. It worked wonders for us.

  2. #32
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Gold Coast
    Posts
    620
    Thanks
    181
    Thanked
    184
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I don't expect dh to do any housework on the days he cares for P. I get everything ready for him and I clean up when I get home. The only thing he does on those days (other than look after P) is reheat dinner and serve it (I always have meals ready in the freezer for these days).

    I'm just finding it extremely difficult to be sympathetic. I feel like dh thinks it's ok for him to lose it but if I complain about being tired I'm being a b!tch. Dh doesn't help overnight and rarely takes P in the mornings I don't work to let me have a sleep (6 times so far in 7 months - believe me, I know when I get more than 2 consecutive hours of sleep! )

    I feel like such a whinger. Please tell me again that babies do grow up and eventually do sleep!

    Dh does help with housework when we're both home - he does vacuum, mop and cook. He's not totally useless

    Sent from my GT-I9300T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  3. #33
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    9,994
    Thanks
    6,239
    Thanked
    15,889
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 2/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 19/3/15Busiest Member of the Week200 Posts in a week
    It sounds to me like you are both understandably tired and tetchy. I think he is interpreting you expressing tiredness as a criticism of him, probably because he is sensitive to the fact that you do all the overnight stuff. (I also do all the overnight stuff and am starting to really resent it.) Does P always need to feed when he wakes? If not, I don't see any reason why you can't split the night up and each get a block of sleep.

    I am also just thinking... Can DH drive you to and from work? Is P ok in the car? I really hate you driving on such little sleep, and that way everyone gets out of the house every day.

  4. #34
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    in a glass case of emotion
    Posts
    12,406
    Thanks
    1,187
    Thanked
    8,045
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    It sounds like he's afraid of being judged in public as a bad parent if P starts crying or something.

    I think playgroup and/or swimming/gymbaroo would help expose him to other babies doing the exact same thing as P, but he obviously is lacking confidence in his ability to handle bub when out.

  5. #35
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    3
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0
    It is really important to reconnect with your partner, but the fist year is def the hardest, equal contribution and equal balance is something that we have all had to strive and push for - its hard breaking the cycle that we have had pushed down our throats for 1000 years, but we get closer everyday, they need retraining - just as much as we do

  6. #36
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    1,393
    Thanks
    2,017
    Thanked
    829
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    It sounds as though your DP's issues pre date the birth of your baby.... Did he engage in paid work, outside of the home then before P was born?

    My own patience is very much being tested in my relationship at present so I could be protecting a bit of anger but even so...I can safely say that I believe your partner really needs to grow up and accept some responsibility for how he is feeling and then take some sort of action towards changing it.

    Op, I think that being a single parent sounds more appealing than the current situation you are in...

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Last edited by Albert01; 13-06-2013 at 14:28.

  7. #37
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    6,868
    Thanks
    5,192
    Thanked
    3,894
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I like Mrs Harvey's idea of your Dh driving you to work. Or maybe he can meet you for lunch?

    Sent from my HTC One SV using The Bub Hub mobile app

  8. #38
    Theophania's Avatar
    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    3,075
    Thanks
    819
    Thanked
    832
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    OP it sounds like your DH is having a hard time adjusting to his responsibilities as a stay at home parent. That's ok, but he needs to do something about it rather than letting it continue. He obviously needs to work on his anxiety about leaving the house with P.

    You sounds like you are doing it really tough. SO much responsibility is falling on your lap and its not fair. I believe every coupld needs to find what works for their relationship. For me I am a SAHM and a full time student. DH is a shift worker and works crazy hours but we find a way to share the load around the house. It works for us (I am constantly told I am a lazy b*tch though cause my poor husband apparently shouldn't have to life a finger lol) he does heaps around here though and doesn't have a problem.

    I think communication is the key here. You guys really need to keep the lines of communication open between you because it helps no one to bottle it up until you just lose it and scream/yell etc. Maybe drawing up a chore sheet would help? That way you can both see what each is expected to do and it would be easier to make sure it is split evenly so no one is expected to carry a bigger burden than the other?

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Theophania For This Useful Post:

    Albert01  (13-06-2013)

  10. #39
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    3,377
    Thanks
    820
    Thanked
    1,104
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Hugs Waggers

    Quote Originally Posted by Theophania View Post
    OP it sounds like your DH is having a hard time adjusting to his responsibilities as a stay at home parent. That's ok, but he needs to do something about it rather than letting it continue. He obviously needs to work on his anxiety about leaving the house with P.
    I agree with this. Your husband sounds like he is really struggling, particularly with anxiety - it is not healthy for him to feel like he cannot leave the house with P. Would he be willing to see someone with regards to how he is feeling about this (and possibly more general mental health issues)?

    Like a few others have said, I worry about you driving to work on such little sleep......is there any way that your DH could help out overnight? Can he catch up on sleep during the day when P sleeps (assuming P sleeps during the day!)

    It's such an adjustment having a baby and I think it's so common to put a strain on a relationship....throw in sleep deprivation, and trying to work long days and no wonder there are issues arising. I hope you can start to work towards a solution soon.

    Oh, and you are definitely not a whinger, and P will eventually sleep (hopefully soon)!!

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to sajimum For This Useful Post:

    Albert01  (13-06-2013)

  12. #40
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Canberra
    Posts
    346
    Thanks
    42
    Thanked
    49
    Reviews
    0
    I don't have much to suggest that hasn't already been said, but do you both have time off together with P? I was just thinking that you could do something (like Playgroup or similar) that could show your DH just how normal cranky babies are? Even on the weekend at our local mall it is full of people and cranky babies if you look hard enough lol. Having you there would alleviate any pressure but perhaps show hubby that, quite frankly the show must go on so to speak.
    For what it's worth, if my DP did even half of what you do for your partner, I'd be so thankful. I think you really are doing the lions share here. Hugs xx

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to spunkles For This Useful Post:

    Albert01  (13-06-2013)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Do you think this is unfair? *long*
    By Chew the Mintie in forum Childcare Options
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 30-12-2012, 23:26
  2. Am I being unfair?
    By babyla in forum Issues with Family Members
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 08-11-2012, 11:59
  3. Fair Or Unfair?
    By London in forum General Chat
    Replies: 74
    Last Post: 15-08-2012, 00:14

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
BAE The Label
Versatile, premium maternity wear that you will love throughout pregnancy and long after. Cleverly designed for for all stages of motherhood so that you can 'Just be you (+1)'.
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
ProSwim
ProSwim runs learn to swim classes for babies, children and adults. Our indoor centre in Plympton Park has lessons all year round, including school holidays. We also offer outdoor programs during the summer months (Oct-Mar) at Rostrevor college.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!