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    Default emotional rollercoaster

    So it's nearly been 2mths since we separated. I have gone from hating him, being angry, emotionless, scared, now I have hit the "what have I done" stage. I was a blubbering mess on the phone to ex the other night. I totally let my guard down. now I totally regret that I did that. it would be a long road for us to fix what has happened. I thought it could be fixed, but last night when he was here, long story, I just didn't feel anything for him. no I love you, no need for hugs, no anything. I guess the reason I was upset on the phone was because I hate seeing my kids upset. its not their fault and it hurts bad to see them that way. so I thought trying to fix it would be the right thing for them. but its not the right thing for me or my eldest ds. how long does it take to stop grieving what you had and can just move on? I don't want another relationship at the moment so that's not what I mean by moving on. I just mean I need to get out of this hole. im seeing my counsellor again tomorrow.

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    I think everyone is different. My ex left 3 years go but we kept acting like a couple while he was here, that ended 3 weeks ago so I know I need to start this process all over again.

    It's hard, but you can't be to hard on yourself. It just takes time.

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    I had a good session with my counsellor yesterday. sorted out heaps of my emotions and why I am feeling that way. one thing she said was not to beat myself up about it. so im not. but I have to pull back the rines again. I have given x and inch and he has taken a mile. so putting my foot down again. I know my emotions will go up and down for months yet but I just have to take one day at a time. Bexter I hope you are going ok. that must be difficult for you too.

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    Massive hugs. The roller coaster is hard, but over time the ups and down are spaced out over longer periods. It's been 8 months since I left the Ex and now, most days are good days. It's just a hiccup every now and again... Hold in there, you are doing great.

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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
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    Yep, it's massively hard. The thing I hated the most was the contradictory feelings, feeling hate and love at the same time. Remembering good bits and missing him, but also all the awful times. Does your head in terribly.

    Things I did which helped were I got books out from the library about the grief process so I could understand the stages of it, and identify what was happening to me, and know that yes I was moving through a process, not going crazy. And to learn that it is not necessarily a linear process, you take two steps foward, one back yada, but overall the progress is in the right direction, mostly, and that stupid little things would set me off sometimes, and make me feel back at step 1 again.

    Sometimes when I felt like I was going mad, i'd ring lifeline, and just get it all out to them. they are the best listeners EVER.
    Helped me to just get my stress levels right down if they spiked too high.

    I also used to write really really abusive letters to my ex, just blurt it all out for pages and pages, probably not much of it made sense, but it felt good, and then I'd burn them. Helped to release a bit of $hit!!

    All the best.

    Probably took me about 2 years to stop going really up and down, and start evening out, but everyone is different, go easy on yourself, don't expect too much from yourself.

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    Thanks heaps. AM that's exactly how I feel. its crazy. but talking to a counsellor really helps heaps. I think also seeing the way my son reacts when x is here brings me back to reality and the reasons why x isn't here. I know my kids will adjust and I just need to give me and them time.


 

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