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  1. #11
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    Poor thing it's awful seeing them so upset and they are experts at pulling at our heart strings!
    First night I patted and shhh'ing for 2 hours! Next time was 45 mins, next was about 20. By day 2 she was no longer crying, just whinging then by day 5 she'd smile at me lying there then close her eyes. It's exhausting work and so many times I nearly gave up but I soon learnt her cry from her whinge.

    We flew to London 2 months after teaching her to self settle and she'd no longer go to sleep in our arms - that whole 24 hours I cursed myself for teaching her to sleep. Ha!

    Hang in there, I know it's annoying hearing "be consistent" but I think it works as it doesn't confuse them.

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    ~Marigold~  (12-06-2013)

  3. #12
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    I totally sympathise and understand. I did a lot of reading and came to the conclusion that we needed to use self settling To teach her to sleep. Her waking every 30min -1 hr all night for months was just crazy. I was like you and could not cope with the crying. It really does work though and worth it for baby's happiness and well being snd yours. I am not sure about having baby in the same room as you but assume that it doesn't matter where they learn to self settle so long as they do. I couldn't do it alone so hired a baby whisperer. Best thing I have done to date. After the training I had a totally different baby. She was so much more settled and happy (that was when she was 8 months). Before that very diffixult and screaming all the time. I also stopped seeing a psychologist soon after because my PND finally started leaving. So it was a win win. Don't listen to anyone that doesn't support you. You know what is best for you and your family. I can't stress enough that it is beneficial to them because they are tired too! I didnt believe it at first and was totally totally against it. But it worked and life is back to being amazing. I feel like I missed out on those first 8 months and will never get them back because I hated it. Next time I will be getting my BW over earlier.

    Anyway, I recommend the support of a BW. PM me if you want her details. 3 of my friends have also used her. Either in person or over the phone. She also gives you ongoing support. It took 10 days for my DD to understand how to sleep. I don't call it CC. As it isn't CC what she does but there are 'tantrums' involved as they don't like the change an protest. But they quickly get it. By the first night she was sleeping! Each night less and less protest and after those 10 days no protest ever and self settles. If there was ongoing crying going on then I wouldn't have followed this method but it was a short time for long term benefits for everyone. Love it. We had her over at Christmas and she has been self settling since.

    If you don't get a BW try the GP for a referral to sleep school.
    Hang in there you are almost there ☺

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    ~Marigold~  (12-06-2013)

  5. #13
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    This is exactly why I hate parenting"labels". I hate that people are/were willing to help and give me advice but fear that advising someone in the the "pro-controlled crying" section makes them a certain "type" of parent.
    I just want my baby to sleep. I didn't set out to have any particular parenting "style", we have always just gone with he flow. When DD cried and needed me, I was there for her- which meant picking her up when she cried. I don't like that parents are pigeon holed and catergorized- it's not and shouldn't be that way.

    At the end of the day, DD is 10 months old and as a mother, it's time to teach her that sleeping in her own cot doesn't mean that I'm no longer there for her.

    If I'd have posted this in the "general parenting" section and didn't use the term Controlled Crying, maybe asked how other people "settle" their babies at night, that stigma wouldn't be there.

    I don't know. This sucks. Can't wait til it's over!

  6. #14
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Quote Originally Posted by balletbaby View Post
    I totally sympathise and understand. I did a lot of reading and came to the conclusion that we needed to use self settling To teach her to sleep. Her waking every 30min -1 hr all night for months was just crazy. I was like you and could not cope with the crying. It really does work though and worth it for baby's happiness and well being snd yours. I am not sure about having baby in the same room as you but assume that it doesn't matter where they learn to self settle so long as they do. I couldn't do it alone so hired a baby whisperer. Best thing I have done to date. After the training I had a totally different baby. She was so much more settled and happy (that was when she was 8 months). Before that very diffixult and screaming all the time. I also stopped seeing a psychologist soon after because my PND finally started leaving. So it was a win win. Don't listen to anyone that doesn't support you. You know what is best for you and your family. I can't stress enough that it is beneficial to them because they are tired too! I didnt believe it at first and was totally totally against it. But it worked and life is back to being amazing. I feel like I missed out on those first 8 months and will never get them back because I hated it. Next time I will be getting my BW over earlier.

    Anyway, I recommend the support of a BW. PM me if you want her details. 3 of my friends have also used her. Either in person or over the phone. She also gives you ongoing support. It took 10 days for my DD to understand how to sleep. I don't call it CC. As it isn't CC what she does but there are 'tantrums' involved as they don't like the change an protest. But they quickly get it. By the first night she was sleeping! Each night less and less protest and after those 10 days no protest ever and self settles. If there was ongoing crying going on then I wouldn't have followed this method but it was a short time for long term benefits for everyone. Love it. We had her over at Christmas and she has been self settling since.

    If you don't get a BW try the GP for a referral to sleep school.
    Hang in there you are almost there ☺
    Thanks so much-your post has really lifted my spirits and given me hope

  7. #15
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    Big hugs Marigold it's awful to feel judged. If you are interested I can give you a website that helped me that you might be interested in. PM me if you would like to know more.

    You are doing what's best for you and your baby remember that ok xx

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    ~Marigold~  (12-06-2013)

  9. #16
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chippa View Post
    Big hugs Marigold it's awful to feel judged. If you are interested I can give you a website that helped me that you might be interested in. PM me if you would like to know more.

    You are doing what's best for you and your baby remember that ok xx
    Thanks

    I would love to know more about that website.

    I just tried posting a link to a website I found last night, but it was blocked or something? Anyway, it was a 10 day guide to Controlled Crying.. very helpful.
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 12-06-2013 at 12:51.

  10. #17
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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  11. #18
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    Hi marigold. I understand where you are at. It's hard when you and your baby aren't getting sleep. I don't think it's good for either of you. My DS is 6 months old and I got to the same point as you, neither of us were getting enough sleep. I tried CIO and cc and it just didn't work for us. So I went into sleep training mode, it has taken longer than CIO/CC but it's worked for us.

    I started off by rocking him till almost asleep and putting him down as he was drifting, he'd wake up so I would repeat the process, sometimes 10 times. Eventually he learnt. Now he goes down awake, sometimes he self settles and other times I need to pat his bum and sh sh sh sh him. Sometimes he'll just refuses to sleep so I walk out. I leave him till he starts crying, I only leave him for a couple of minutes then go back in and pat his bum. There are times where I have to repeat this process too, but not much anymore, he knows it's bed time and he'll be asleep in a minute. I should add that he has 3 day sleeps now (2x 2 hours and 1 x 40/an hour). He goes to bed at 830 and can sleep through too 630. He has been waking up a bit through the night because of the cold but when his room is a good temp, he sleeps through.

    Be strong, this is your dd you know what's best for her and you so don't worry about other people. If you ever need support let me know!

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    ~Marigold~  (12-06-2013)

  13. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheekychook View Post
    Hi marigold. I understand where you are at. It's hard when you and your baby aren't getting sleep. I don't think it's good for either of you. My DS is 6 months old and I got to the same point as you, neither of us were getting enough sleep. I tried CIO and cc and it just didn't work for us. So I went into sleep training mode, it has taken longer than CIO/CC but it's worked for us.

    I started off by rocking him till almost asleep and putting him down as he was drifting, he'd wake up so I would repeat the process, sometimes 10 times. Eventually he learnt. Now he goes down awake, sometimes he self settles and other times I need to pat his bum and sh sh sh sh him. Sometimes he'll just refuses to sleep so I walk out. I leave him till he starts crying, I only leave him for a couple of minutes then go back in and pat his bum. There are times where I have to repeat this process too, but not much anymore, he knows it's bed time and he'll be asleep in a minute. I should add that he has 3 day sleeps now (2x 2 hours and 1 x 40/an hour). He goes to bed at 830 and can sleep through too 630. He has been waking up a bit through the night because of the cold but when his room is a good temp, he sleeps through.

    Be strong, this is your dd you know what's best for her and you so don't worry about other people. If you ever need support let me know!
    That sounds exactly like what I've been doing with DD- soothing her, always picKing her up for a cuddle before she starts to really cry- and it's worked somewhat for us in the past, but she's become a cluey little rascal these days and knows that I eventually give in and she gets what she wants-to snuggle up between DH and I
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 12-06-2013 at 13:34.

  14. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Marigold~ View Post
    That sounds exactly like what I've been doing with DD- soothing her, always picKing her up for a cuddle before she starts to really cry- and it's worked somewhat for us in the past, but she's become a cluey little rascal these days and knows that I eventually give in and she gets what she wants-to snuggle up between DH and I
    They are smart!!!! DS is fussier for me than DH as well, he knows I'm softer! You have to be tough! It's hard though, those eyes melt me. DS knows once it's bed time, we don't leave his room.

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