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  1. #11
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    I don't want to sound too blunt, but she doesn't owe you because you stepped in when her mother left. You can't expect her to not be a typical teenager because you have been there for her.

    She is young, her brain won't be developed until she is in her mid 20s, you're expecting her to make choices that she is unable to make. I don't want to lecture you on neurobiology or development, but basically teenagers begin to grow up, and it's a natural progression to test others, as another person said, you have a baby, she knows you don't love her like you love that baby.
    You've said yourself about bloods thicker than water, can you imagine what that feels like for her? and now she does one silly thing, that you probably did many times, and you've told her you're done?

    You failed her test, she knows you won't stick by her, another mum for her that will leave her.

    I'm not writing this to sound mean, or to judge you, im writing it so you can hear what she is saying to herself in her head.

    Sure, punish her, take her iphone, and not let her go to the movie etc (I don't think there's anything that could of stopped me, but that's besides the point) but tell her you will never leave her, that you are her mum, and no matter what she does, no matter how stupid or silly the things she does, you would drive across the other side of the country to come and save her if she needed help, that's what she needs to hear.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to DaenerysT For This Useful Post:

    jagamoe  (10-06-2013),MilkingMaid  (10-06-2013)

  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaenerysT View Post
    I don't want to sound too blunt, but she doesn't owe you because you stepped in when her mother left. You can't expect her to not be a typical teenager because you have been there for her.

    She is young, her brain won't be developed until she is in her mid 20s, you're expecting her to make choices that she is unable to make. I don't want to lecture you on neurobiology or development, but basically teenagers begin to grow up, and it's a natural progression to test others, as another person said, you have a baby, she knows you don't love her like you love that baby.
    You've said yourself about bloods thicker than water, can you imagine what that feels like for her? and now she does one silly thing, that you probably did many times, and you've told her you're done?

    You failed her test, she knows you won't stick by her, another mum for her that will leave her.

    I'm not writing this to sound mean, or to judge you, im writing it so you can hear what she is saying to herself in her head.

    Sure, punish her, take her iphone, and not let her go to the movie etc (I don't think there's anything that could of stopped me, but that's besides the point) but tell her you will never leave her, that you are her mum, and no matter what she does, no matter how stupid or silly the things she does, you would drive across the other side of the country to come and save her if she needed help, that's what she needs to hear.
    A lot of things were said in anger that shouldn't have been said & I will always be there for her no matter what & today I will tell her this - I think you are correct in what you are saying & I'm very grateful for the advice I've been given on here - I only hope it's not too late to turn things around

  4. #13
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    Teens are hard. Being a step parent just adds another tricky dimension to that. I would try really hard to not take her behavior personally, if her upbringing and your relationship is truly as you describe it then I doubt this deviation is about you at all.

    I think as parents one of the hardest things about teenagers is that they begin to test the waters substituting our judgement, values and risk analysis for their own for the first time. And sometimes, they screw it up! It's really hard to watch but I wouldn't even contemplate removing her from your home, at this point she needs you more than ever, even if she doesn't know it.

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  6. #14
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    we are hitting that stuff already with SD. she however lives with her mum and is given all the freedom in the world. We are already hated because we have rules and expect her privacy to be limited and that we should be able to check things like facebook. shes already disappeared twice at her mums and has proven shes untrustworthy but at 11 her mum thinks she needs all the freedom shes giving her


 

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