Hi everyone I hope I'm posting this in the correct section
I'm at the end of my rope with my 14 year old step - daughter - up until a couple of months ago, we had a fantastic relationship that everyone even commented on (her mother isn't in her life) I thought she felt she could open up to me about anything & know I'd be there for her, I talked to her about the birds & the bees, making the right decisions, being honest, respecting herself etc, we were like best friends as well as mother & daughter etc - you get the picture ... She has an iPhone, TV in her room, pretty much everything she wants & because we put trust in her she was allowed to go shopping & to the movies with her friends etc, she did chores around the house to earn pocket money
A couple of months ago, out of the blue she tells us that she wants to live with her grandmother because she's not happy at home ?? She also told her grandmother that nothing I have ever done for her means anything to her ....
We tried to talk to her about what was going on but she told us what we wanted to hear & wouldn't open up - as you can imagine, I was gutted & felt used (I should probably mention that my husband - her father is very supportive of us both & is trying his best to help us sort it out - we agree on discipline methods etc so that's not an issue) I told her how I felt & how hurt I was & life pretty much went back to normal after that (she stayed living with us of course) we put it down to a teenage tantrum & silly me, kept doing everything for her although I was still very hurt & bitter
We found out recently that my SD's friend was drinking with some boys & her drink was spiked & she was assaulted - we thought that she (SD) understood the dangers of underage drinking, & spending time with the wrong crowd & we trusted her & so we let her stay at her friends & they were 'going to the movies' so I dropped them off & allowed her to walk back to her friends place after the movie as she was with a group of friends & it was a 5 min walk & it wasn't going to be dark - we thought her group of friends were responsible, sensible kids
She didn't walk to her friends after the movie, she payed some older boys to buy her alcohol & her & her friends went drinking in the park, she drank 8 cans & passed out & woke up at her friends place ... We know all this because she bragged to her sister who she thought wouldn't say anything & she also admitted it after being confronted .....
We are in utter shock as we never expected this from her, especially after what happened to her friend ... Where did we go wrong ? Did we give her too much freedom ? Do we really have no clue how to parent teenagers ? I went berserk & told her I've wiped my hands of her .. Did I do the wrong thing ? I was just so angry & hurt - We are so worried something happened to her after she passed out ... I know teenagers do dumb things but how could she be so stupid ?
She has had everything taken off her & her trust with us is now 0 - At the moment the thing that hurts the most is that I have to live with her, I know it's probably wrong to feel this way because if it was my own kids, I'd feel different but I guess blood is thicker than water ..
I'd love to get back the relationship we had but have no idea how ..
Thankyou if your still reading & I apologise for the novel & I hope it makes sense - just so confused at the moment