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  1. #1
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    Default nasty pasties at playgroup

    The other day at playgroup i was watching my DD (2yrs) play on her own as she usually does. Another little girl who is 3, came up to her and i thought they wer going to play together in the 'home corner'. DD smiled at her and showed her the doll she was holding.....instead this littel girl, stared her down, snatched the doll from her hand, threw it on the floor and said something to her (i didnt hear it), pushed the cups and things DD had set up on a table onto the floor and walked away. DD didnt seem upset by this but i was quite angry! I wanted to tell the 3yr old that wasnt a nice thing to do and ask her to give the doll back to DD and pick up the cups, please. But i thought that would be over reacting. I just went over to DD and gave her the doll and picked up the cups myself.

    DD doesnt get to socialise much at all, hence why we go to playgroup. I dont want her socialising experiences being like this and i dont want her turning into something nasty like this little girl. I dont know what her issue was with my DD. Her mother didnt see what happened, she was too busy chatting to other mum's. I didnt bring it up with her, i dont really know her.

    What do you do when you witness other children being or playing nasty with your child?

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    I'm not sure what I would do but poor little DD, kids can be so cruel. Made my heart sink reading your post!!

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    I don't really know. At 2-3 kids really start pushing boundaries so it may not be malice IYKWIM? The kid might have just been thinking "what happens if I take that doll and chuck it? What happens if I push those cups over?"

    I think what you did is right. If I see my DS behaving like this I make him pick things up/ give them back but I can be a bit helicopter when we are in public, lol!

    I have grabbed a kid by the arm and shouted "who's kid is this?!" When he walked over and bit my DS for no reason at a play centre but for snatching etc, I'd probably let it go.

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    If the older girl's mum had seen it, she probably would have been horrified... Kids use play group and other similar things to test out behaviours, my DD who is normally very meek and gentle once bit a toddler on the finger at play group (I was horrified, and I made it clear to my DD just how unacceptable that was...it's never been repeated).

    when in a situation like yours where another child does something to mine and the other parent doesn't see, I usually go to my child and very quietly say "that wasn't very nice was it? That girl must be feeling cranky today" or something similar, so that my DD knows its not nice to copy that behaviour...

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    I think this is really normal toddler behaviour and I don't think it has anything to do with a child being deliberately nasty. Kids push boundaries with adults and each other.

    We were at the RCH the other day and whilst waiting I watched DS with the other kids. DS picked up a block and another child came and grabbed it from him and the proceeded to pick up all the other blocks and put them in a box so DS couldn't play with them. I stayed out of it, so did the other parent (fwiw if I'd been the other parent I would have made DS share the blocks) but another lady gently stepped in and quietly gave DS a block.

    DS wasn't bothered and I think sometimes getting involved when kids are trying to work things out themselves makes a problem when there might not be one, it's important for them to resolve conflicts and problems by themselves within reason. If DS had seemed bothered and upset I might have gently modelled to DS asking to play like saying to the other child 'can we please play with the blocks too?'

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    I think you did the right thing and it's exactly what I would have done. It is really hard to watch another child being nasty towards your own but I really think it should be up to their parent to discipline them, not me. If their parent isn't watching then I tend to just let it go. So long as the other child is not actually physically hurting mine then I would never intervene to tell another child off. I might have a few quiet words to calm down and/or distract DS if he seems upset (but most times he's not bothered!)

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    I am really dreading the nastiness of kids in social situations as 3 year old DD gets older (although I do acknowledge it is "normal"). We are going through it a little bit at the moment with a 4 year old at her family day care. DD is getting left out a bit, and this little girl refuses to say hi/bye, etc. when DD talks to her. We just saw her at kinder when dropping off some forms and DD went running up saying "hi xxx" - despite prompting from the teacher there the little girl just turned her back and ignored her. It breaks my heart as DD doesn't really understand why.

    In answer to the OP, I tend to be a bit of a helicopter parent (particularly when DD was 2). I think kids that age need help to resolve issues in an appropriate way so I try to model what is appropriate. If I had seen my dd take toys/ knock toys down I would have asked her to share them and to help the other child pick up what was knocked down. In your situation LMM I would probably have done exactly as you did!

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    I keep out of it if DS isn't upset. Tbh he's quite boisterous so I often have to watch him to make sure he's not bothering other kids- he's not malicious, but he jumps on them, roars in their faces. He's one of the youngest in his kinder so he's used to playing with bigger kids. Yesterday we were at a play centre and he kept jumping on this other little kid (playfighting). The other kid was having fun but his mum kept intervening and telling DS off. So I went over and told him to be gentle with little kids because they're not big and strong like him and could get frightened. But if the roles were reversed I wouldn't have said anything to the older boy unless DS was getting very upset. I think by 3 they are old enough to fend for themselves, and learn to just move away from rougher kids (or hold onto the toy their playing with and yell 'nooooooo! My turn!') I actually feel really proud when I see him dealing well with those situations on his own. Makes me feel better about sending him out into the world one day

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    In your situation I would have done what you did and fixed up the toys your DD had set up.

    I'm sure the mum would not have been happy if she had seen what happened, I know I wouldn't be.

    It sounds like normal behaviour for that age group. My 2 year old hit my friends little girl at playgroup yesterday. I couldn't believe she did it as it was very out of character for her. I made her apologise and I apologised to my friend and everything was fine.

    I don't think the incident makes my daughter nasty. She is very little and still learning. She was reprimanded and knows that there are consequences for bad behaviour.

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    Oh and we had some issues with 3 year old girls when DS was 2. They can be extremely bossy! Same sort of thing, taking toys off him and telling him off for no reason. I mentally high fived him one day when one of the bossiest tried to play with him and he said to her 'no, you go away I don't want to play because you push me' there's your natural consequence!


 

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