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  1. #1
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    Default I don't know what happened but I've lost my confidence in ppl

    So back ground info
    1 m/c, 1 termination at 19 weeks due to downs syndrome and heart problems that were already starting to effect growth and development so instead of continuing pregnancy and losing baby boy I decided he was perfect before he suffered. Now 13 week baby boy perfect born via c-section due to complications in theatre nearly died so then I ended up in ICU was very sick couldn't breastfeed and felt like I failed as a mum cos I couldn't see him only once a day when I was ok and he couldn't stay long due to it being the ICU I needed to rest. Fast forward now we are going great am seeing counsellor due to the effects but am feeling good until
    Sunday a friend visited with her 2yr old she's 25 weeks pregnant never had any pregnancy problems been a great friend and she starts telling me how she hasn't really enjoyed her pregnancy due to my experiences and everything that's going on in her life
    She's starts asking me how I feel bout all the stories on fb about the downs syndrome kids getting support and how it effects me, why did I name him and if I had any photos of him.
    I didn't know what to say I got upset but not once did I sayi didn't want to talk bout it but I'm not one to offend ppl and be direct.
    I ended up so upset that night my partner had to calm me down as I held it in and it spilt out as its still so very raw yes I've had counselling and yes I'm estactic I'm a mum to my 2nd son who was a surprise and I embrace every moment even tho trying sometimes as every parent knows.
    My partner ended up sending her a MSG saying its inappropriate to ask or talk about our passed son, and how could she be so insensitive what if it was her etc.
    I understand why he did say what he did and how he is protecting me. I support him.
    Well her attitude is she can't see how she's upset me or offended me my partner was rude to say what he said about putting herself in my shoes just because we have our second son doesn't change that we still grieve for the one we lost.
    I spoke to her she doesn't know how our conversation got blown out of porportion buts sorry if she's upset or offended me, I have explained its brought up a lot knowing I've made her pregnancy harder to enjoy because when I was pregnant with my 13 week old everyday I was on edge add hormones and needed to be reassured constantly.
    So I've lost confidence in ppl even the closest that has been helpful and completely lost on what's left of my friendship

  2. #2
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    I think Its natural to be curious but I dont see why she felt the need to bring it up unless you were actually talking about your little boy to begin with. If you wanted to talk about it you would and some things are very private like the photos. They are so special and if you wanted to share you would have, I dont understand how she thinks its ok to ask to see them.

    There's being curious and keeping that curiosity to yourself for the sake of not upsetting you but what she did sounded quite nosy and very insensitive

    I would have felt the same way

    Sorry for your losses

  3. #3
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    She hasn't enjoyed her pregnancy because of what happened to you? I'm not sure if it came across that way but it sounds like she's making it all about how hard it has been for her. That's not cool to say to the person who suffered the most, they aren't the one who is meant to make you feel all better.

    A friend of mine just lost her beautiful almost 4 month old baby, and thanked me for "always being appropriate and not a well-meaning *******". I can only imagine the sorts of things she has had to hear, and probably from people who don't even mean to hurt her. Your friend needs to think before she opens her talk-hole!

  4. #4
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    I think your partner did the right thing.

    From what you said she went to far. It would have been much more appropriate to say she's there if you want to talk.

    I'm sorry for all that you have been through. I offer you many virtual hugs.

  5. #5
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    I think she definitely overstepped the mark. You sound like one tough lady, who has been thru a lot and deserve a pat on the back.

  6. #6
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    Thank you ladies I'm looking forward in life and living in the moment we are blessed with all we have I know even tho my journey is still going I'm lucky to be here. The hugs are really nice thank you it's a sad loss losing a child I'm so sorry for your friend and yes being there is the best thing for your friend it's def a lonely space in your head processing the heartache but yes the right support is wonderful.

  7. #7
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    I believe the friendship with this friend is at a stalemate. Ppl come and go in life and I've learned we all give things to one another to grow as human beings maybe I've learnt my lesson here

  8. #8
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    I think we as humans, have a really, really hard time saying the right thing when someone has been through a tragedy. I know I do. And I know from experience, some people just say the most ridiculous things.



    I think the worst thing you could ever say to someone who has lost a child is
    "at least you have another one" That is awful.

  9. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to beebs For This Useful Post:

    dancingchipmunk  (05-06-2013),Whoknows  (05-06-2013)


 

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