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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Explaining selfish acts to a 6 year old

    My DD is 6 and has just started school. She can do some really selfish things - like screaming at me she is wants different food to her usual dinner whilst I'm in her little brother's room, putting him to sleep, or waking her dad up in the morning if he is having a rare sleep in because she wants to show him something, or wants to use the iPad or something. Interrupting incessantly, screaming when not getting her way etc.

    She is on the flip side generally a kind hearted, empathetic child - so we would like to explain to her that her acts are selfish and she is putting her needs ahead of others. I don't want to continually say you are whining, or you are selfish (or as my DH does call her Veruca) as that is not nice and name-calling.

    Any ideas?

  2. #2
    Theophania's Avatar
    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I am no expert lol but with my DS (4) I simply don't reward that kind of behavior with getting him what he wants. I stop him at the time when it happens and explain to him why that's not the way to get what he wants.. I usually ask him if he likes it when people scream at him etc and make him reflect on how his own actions would make him feel... Sorry I don't have any more advice

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Theophania For This Useful Post:

    Hannahly  (04-06-2013),TimeForWine  (03-09-2013)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    we always use the "do unto others" rule in our house.

    If the kids do something not nice we ask them "would you like someone to do that to you"...this means we are not telling them off and we use it as a conversation starter about things that we do and don't like to happen to us and the sort of people we like being with and the sort of friend we want to be etc etc

    For us it is a way of reminding them that other people have the same feelings as them and to consider what they like.

    Good luck...6 year olds can be selfish and it is quite normal and a stage they do grow out of

  5. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to River Song For This Useful Post:

    Hannahly  (04-06-2013),siennasyummymummyxxx  (03-09-2013),TimeForWine  (03-09-2013)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2013

    I just want to say that I have a 6yo who is very selfish too. It's constantly a struggle to teach him that the world doesn't revolve around him!

    He is slowly learning, but I think the best advice I can give (that seems to get the most productive response from him) is if my husband and I explain to him calmly that we will listen to him once we've finished doing what we're doing. I think he gets the most out of us when we're not responding with our own emotions (ie disappointment/ anger that he's being so selfish.)

    If he keeps on going with the bad behaviour, we ignore him until we're ready to give him the attention and then just calmly say "ok, now I'm ready to listen." He seems to be getting better at waiting now... but like I said, it's constantly a challenge!

    I am happy to read that River Song says it's normal for a 6 yo to act like that... here I was thinking I was raising a psychopath! Lol!

    Good luck with it all.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to KyraZanda For This Useful Post:

    TimeForWine  (03-09-2013)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Don't expect an adult approach to work with a 6yo. However kind and empathetic she is for a 6yo, they don't really empathise in the same way as adults do.

    Simply explaining their selfishness might help with a teenager, but children are wired differently. All you need is to tell them the rules, and remind them when they are breaking them. Reward and punish. Children are OK with authority. Until puberty


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