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  1. #1
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    Default The Talk - What Age?

    DD is now 10 and in grade 5, we have always had a very open relationship whereby she knows all about puberty, what changes will happen, where babies come from, etc. Yet we have never discussed what intercourse is.

    She has never mentioned anything in regards to s3x, no strange comments, questions, nothing.

    So I'm wondering, what age would you bring it up? And would you bring it up before they said a single word or wait for them to come to you?

    Older kids are so much harder, ahhh.

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    DD is nearly 8. She knows.

    I think I said some stuff to see if she was interested in knowing more... she asked for more info... so I told it to her. I wanted to get in there quick, before any schoolmates could and fill her head with nonsense.

    I also wanted her to know so that we could lightly cover sexual abuse. I didn't use those terms, but we talked about if people "ever tried to do that," etc etc... I tried to cover as many bases as I could without fully freaking her out.

    She's fine with it.

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    I had the puberty talk with my girls when they were 11, and the s3x, drugs and alcohol talk when they started high school. My main reasoning was that high school was when they would most likely come in contact with that sort of thing. Having said that, if they asked questions at any time, I have always answered them honestly.
    I found that having a speil about s3x covering facts and myths helped. We covered everything from ''everyone is doing it'' to ''if you don't have s3x with me you'll give me blue balls''. I was a little angry at some of the comments that my daughter had already been exposed to. We went through truth from lies and we came to an agreement where she will introduce me to any one she might be getting serious about. She will also come to me and ask for birth control before she tries any thing.
    I suppose it helps that as a nurse I have had the talk to many others of the same age group. It's really sad the number of young girls that don't get properly educated about this and wind up having make hard life altering choices because of it.

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    I'm curious as how she did not ask a million questions In the chat about where babies come from. It's so much easier when they ask the questions. I'm all for correctly educating children before their school friends fill their head with garbage, seeing as she knows a lot it should be easy enough to fill in the gaps.

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    I wish I could say I was a great mum who can communicate with my kids openly come 'the talk' but this isn't the case with me. I'm very uncomfortable talking about it mainly because I was molestered as a child. I have borrowed books from the library for my eldest two and they get sex education etc at school. If they directly ask me a question I am ok to answer it but me sitting down a having a full on open conversation about it is something I just cannot do.

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    Thanks girls.

    Arli, she learnt that at 4 from a book about human bodies so back then 'mummy and daddy cuddles' was a good enough answer to that question, and she's never raised it again.

    She is also very aware that her body is hers and hers alone and that no one is ever allowed to look at her or touch her, anywhere, without her permission and if anything feels wrong she will never be in trouble by telling me.

    As I said, we are very open, it's simply the p3nis goes here convo that's never been raised.

    I don't want her head full of nonsense either and would rather inform her before her friends do but I don't know how to just bring it up with her either, or do I continue to wait?

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    This is what makes it extremely hard for me too, the timing and when/how to bring it up. I just wish I didn't feel so ashamed/embarrassed about the topic.

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    My mum gave me a book when I was approaching this age. She was not comfortable talking about this either. I think the book was called ''whats happening to me.'' I gave the same book to my daughter's but with more conversation. It's an excellent book for both boys and girls. Funnily enough it wasn't until my daughter pointed it out, that I realized it was written by a group of 4 men.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ozeymumof5 View Post
    This is what makes it extremely hard for me too, the timing and when/how to bring it up. I just wish I didn't feel so ashamed/embarrassed about the topic.
    Ozeymum, reading your other post I think that may also be my problem having suffered as a child as well.

    GBH xx

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    DH and I had the talk with DS when was about 7 or 8. He is now 13 and we have a very open relationship with him in regards to s.ex, the body, babies etc. He knows all about contraception as well.

    One week ago, we were in the car and a Queen song came on the radio. He asked if Freddie Mercury was still alive, we told him that no, he had passed away from AIDS. He then asked how a gay man (he knew from previous conversations that Freddie Mercury was gay) could get a sexually transmitted disease.. we had no clue, that HE had no clue, how gay men DTD!!! Luckily DH was there (admittedly I was a little thrown as to how to explain it to him) and he explained it to him. I honestly thought he knew.. I thought he would have at least learned about it at school.. (the have s.ex ed). it never even crossed my mind to explain that to him. But I'm so happy that he knows he can ask us absolutely anything- there is no judgement in this household.


 

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