"Why hurt your bits if you dont have to?"

[bekkyboo]

Morning

While laying in bed thinking (aftrer G's morning wakeup call) i was thinking bout a conversation i had with a friend the other week.

She is not a mum so the feelings she didnt really understand.

We were dicussing the fact that i long for a VBAC next time around. She was telling me of her other friend that had a VB about 2 weeks after G was born. She is having problems, and had alot of tearing - birth trauma - got sick - the works. My friend cant understand why i would want to have a VB. I had a great C-section. I was up and moving and chripy when they came into visit 5-6 hours after G was born. So in her knowledge - VB = pain and distruction of body, C/S = vertiually a painfree birth...

I told her that i long for the connection, the experience and even some of the pain that goes with a VB. I dont want to be wonderwoman and do it drug free. I just want to experience my baby being born the way they were 'meant to'....

I tried for awhile to explain how i felt - but it was difficult.

In the end it came down to me saying that there is no real way that she could understand my feelings until she had a C/S herself (especially first time round).

My point of this post is to see if others agree. These feelings of longing for birth - the way i do - only come with having a C/S. Not every mother will know what they feel like - only C/S mothers - expecially first time mums.

[Briannabear]

I completely understand where you are coming from Bekkyboo.
I had an emergency c/s first time around and had planned on a VBAC for number two. I copped a lot of criticism from people when they heard I was planning a natural birth. You just have to ignore it. (I know its hard when they say insensitive comments)
In the end I had to have another c/s, so I missed out on my natural birth experience. We dont plan on having any more children, so there will always be a part of me that is disappointed that I never experienced birth the way it was meant to be.

[bekkyboo]

Thanks Becca! She isnt really insenstive... more ignorant. And i was unsure on how i could really explain the loss how it feels. I never realised that i could miss somethng like that so much...

Im just glad someone else understands my way of thinking.

[SilverStarfish]

My point of this post is to see if others agree. These feelings of longing for birth - the way i do - only come with having a C/S. Not every mother will know what they feel like - only C/S mothers - expecially first time mums.

I agree, its is one of those things that you have to experience yourself to truly understand... however...

I'm on the other side of the tree. Sarah was born by c-section and I honestly have no "feelings of longing" whatsoever. I'm not even remotely curious to know what vaginal delivery is like. My baby was born safe and healthy and that is all that matters to me. I didn't have PND and bonded with Sarah beautifully.

Kudos to the Mum's who do want a VBAC, but I guess not every woman who has had a c-section feels "cheated".

[dee dee]

Kudos to the Mum's who do want a VBAC, but I guess not every woman who has had a c-section feels "cheated".[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with Wendy here. I can understand why some mothers would long for a vbac, but not this mummy here.

My dd was born by c section, and to tell you the truth I was relieved. My next chid will also be born by cs and I couldn't be happier. I do not feel as though I have missed out on anything, and ever since I was young the whole birth process has terrified me, so that is why cs works for me!

But each to there own I say. You need to do what is right for you and your body.

[MrsMiggins]

I guess it's a perfect example of "each to their own" isn't it?!

I desperately want to experience a natural birth and am hoping for a VBAC this time round.

I can understand why someone who had a painful & traumatic vaginal delivery though may not understand why someone would want to go through that. But with regard to not hurting your "bits", well I have to say that I found the first few days after my c/s to be excrutiating!! I would have willingly damaged my "bits" in lieu of the pain of a c/s recovery had you asked me on the 12th of Oct last year!!

[Ana Gram]

I think it really comes down to each woman and what they are expecting or wanting.

I did damage my bits and if I could go back, I would have had a c-section.

Plus I think it has a lot to do with how important the whole birth thing is to you. I didn't have a birth plan and to be honest i didn't really care, still don't. I'm only annoyed that my bits have been so scarred that I can't have pleasurable sex again.

[Shanaynay]

Hey Bekkyboo!

I totally understand - I felt everything you felt after I had an emergency csec with my first - my second was VBAC

Tell your friend that I'd rather my birts hurt for a few days than my trying to recover from seven layers of abdomen being sliced open and then stretched for a baby to get pulled though, and have stiches burst all while trying to cope as a first time mum with absoutely no help for six week, and only taking panadol!!!

My opinion only - but loads of stiches after second degree vaginal and perinneal tears was a walk in the park compared to my csec!

[cosmic]

I totally understand what you are saying, Bekkyboo. I wanted a natural (drug-free) birth and laboured for quite a long time (including pushing for 6+ hours) before ultimately DD had to be delivered by c-section. I was tragically disappointed at the time but thankfully I had a positive c-section experience, was up and about pretty quickly, healed really well etc. and I know that my c-section was necessary so I have no regrets in that regard.

But even though the only part of 'birth' I missed out on was the head crowning and pushing her out, I feel very much like I have missed out on something special and would be shattered if I had to have a c-section again. I often feel a pang of jealousy when I hear of others having a vaginal birth.

[SassyMummy]

I think everyone thinks I'm nuts for wanting a VBAC too... after all, why do I want to go through all of that pain if I don't have to?

The thing is, I do agree with the song lyrics... "There's a fine line between pleasure and pain." I mean, I don't think birth will necessarily be a truly pleasurable thing, but I think the fact that I'M doing the work, that MY body is doing its job... that I KNOW I CAN do it all... that will bring me immense pleasure.

As for ruining my bits... well, my stomach is ruined for all eternity - I have a disgusting over-hang of strechmarked floppy-skin and a rotten scare across it. I do believe that babies were designed to come out of the vagina for a reason (though I'm not completely sure why our bodies didn't just come with a "door" in which we can remove our babies...), and so I want my body to be able to do its job successfully. If it ruins my bits...well, I dunno how I'll feel then, but I'm willing to risk it.

I don't know why someone would ask that silly question, "Why ruin your bits when you don't have to..." Because "Why have someone slice you open when you don't have to?"

I like to think of birth as natural, and for me, having a baby naturally IS natural - IMO, c-sections CAN be a godsend if necessary, but it's still not natural.

Perhaps you should ask her friend how she would like her "poo" to exit her body... would she rather push it out (and risk pushing too hard and getting haemorrhoids?) or would she rather someone slice her stomach open, slice her bowels open, remove it that way, and then lay around in recovery for hours... and feel shocking for days (or weeks) later?

The answer seems rather obvious to me. I trust Mother Nature - Mother DOES know best IMO.