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  1. #11
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    Fortnightly sounds good. But please don't get in the mindset that 'he gets more than most fathers' and 'after what he has done he cant complain' these are issues you have with him not your son. So although your thinking about your son, it's great how involved he wants to be etc. many mothers beg fathers to be in the picture and care enough.
    Maybe 1 weekend his house and then the other he comes to you for a few hours for a park etc or even for the night time routine etc. your doing well, situation sounds sticky!

    Mediation is the next step but also consider his feeling as a father.

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    tatia&shura  (30-05-2013),VicPark  (30-05-2013)

  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noms85 View Post
    Fortnightly sounds good. But please don't get in the mindset that 'he gets more than most fathers' and 'after what he has done he cant complain' these are issues you have with him not your son. So although your thinking about your son, it's great how involved he wants to be etc. many mothers beg fathers to be in the picture and care enough.
    Maybe 1 weekend his house and then the other he comes to you for a few hours for a park etc or even for the night time routine etc. your doing well, situation sounds sticky!

    Mediation is the next step but also consider his feeling as a father.
    Are you familiar with the ops history? If you're not then I don't think you should be offering such judgemental opinions.

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    Atropos  (30-05-2013),Pesca77  (30-05-2013)

  5. #13
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    It sounds more than fair Pesca. You are right to try to smooth the transition for your DS1.

  6. #14
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    Thanks guys

    I've spoken with exDH and explained my reasons for fortnightly stay overs now. He didn't bat an eyelid or complain at all, so he accepts it. I don't need to go down the mediation road at all for now which is great.

    He will still be occasionally seeing him on the alternate weekends (at my place or park) and also one mid week visit when seeing DS2. It's actually a good way to ensure he DOES come and visit DS2 now, so far that hasn't been happening properly which is sad.

  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noms85 View Post
    Fortnightly sounds good. But please don't get in the mindset that 'he gets more than most fathers' and 'after what he has done he cant complain' these are issues you have with him not your son. So although your thinking about your son, it's great how involved he wants to be etc. many mothers beg fathers to be in the picture and care enough.
    Maybe 1 weekend his house and then the other he comes to you for a few hours for a park etc or even for the night time routine etc. your doing well, situation sounds sticky!

    Mediation is the next step but also consider his feeling as a father.
    Thank-you for the advice and I couldn't agree more. I'm a big advocate for dads getting time with their kids.

    If you were familiar with my back story (obviously you aren't which is fine!) then you would know I've always kept my sons best interests at the front, no matter what has been thrown at me.

    Thanks Thepouts for your defense

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  9. #16
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    There is NO WAY I was meaning to be judgemental. I didn't think it read like that but maybe it did and I'm sorry to OP if I offended you.
    I never personalised anything to OP just meant I know many mothers desperate for dad in the picture and make sure it's about the child, which I said She is based on her post.
    TBH pouts I've have you comment in a negative/rude way to me before other nothing that bad do I suggest as a person you not be judgemental one!!!!!!!

  10. #17
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    No Pesca I do not know your back story sorry, I was only addressing this post. Again apologies I think I've learnt it's hard giving opinions on some posts as people jump the gun and think your rude which is frustrating as just offering advice on a public forum.
    Think I'm done with the hub as its upsetting being called judgemental.

    I wish you all the luck, must be tough with such a young one too. Hope exDH comes to the party on the plan

  11. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noms85 View Post
    No Pesca I do not know your back story sorry, I was only addressing this post. Again apologies I think I've learnt it's hard giving opinions on some posts as people jump the gun and think your rude which is frustrating as just offering advice on a public forum.
    Think I'm done with the hub as its upsetting being called judgemental.

    I wish you all the luck, must be tough with such a young one too. Hope exDH comes to the party on the plan
    That's fine Noms85 - this thread gave no background, so I now understand you were commenting on this alone.

    My issues with exDH have been quite major and ongoing for 8mths, so many of the lovely hubbers are very familiar with it unfortunately! They've been a truly wonderful support.

  12. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesca77 View Post
    MeetTheBluths - I'm sure he won't be too happy about it at first.

    But he's had basically free access up until now and certainly gets more time than most other fathers, especially after what he's done, so he can't complain.

    Once his new baby arrives, he really won't have as much free time as he does now. He won't see that yet, or remember what it was like with DS1 as I always did everything anyway. Something tells me he won't have that luxury with this new partner!

    I'm sure she wouldn't like my children being there every weekend, meaning she wouldn't get much of a break. Whilst I don't care about her stress levels, I do care how she could potentially take that out on my boys and I'm not allowing that to happen.
    Yes. I was in a very similar situation - we had DS through IVF and the breakup was totally unexpected. He did make the effort to spend time with DS, he even came up to sydney and stayed overnight once a week until I moved closer.

    But after the new baby came along it did change and lately, he doesn't bother even asking about DS, just comes every second Sunday morning to collect him for the day. He keeps saying he will come to his little kicked but has made it only twice. He has also become more disrespectful towards me and slack in general. Everything changes when they prioritise the new family and the new partner starts to resent the ex-partner etc.

    At this point it gets very upsetting/frustrating for us because it's all so unfair on our babies. I really hope for your sake that your ex keeps making the effort!


 

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