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  1. #1
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    Default Visitation - does this sound fair?

    Since exDh and I split, I've allowed him to have DS1 every Saturday. This often spreads to 1.5 days by the time he brings him home. As I'm on mat leave, I've allowed this to happen since I have him all week anyway.

    Now exDH informs me last night (through prompting from me) that his pregnant girlfriend is moving in with him in 2 weeks. How I feel about that is a whole other story, but I now want to change out visitation schedule and protect my DS1 through this transition.

    I'm proposing we move to fortnightly visitation now, but if he wants he can have him 2nts instead, so the standard for many fathers anyway. We may also work up to 1 week night too on the alternating weeks.

    I just feel that we need to take it slowly again, as there is too much all happening at once for DS1 who is only 20mths. His dad left suddenly, he had to get used to a new house and leaving me of a weekend, I then brought DS2 home to shake up his world! Now he's going to have to get used to another house again, another woman in that house, then shortly another baby too. All within a 6mth period and at the same time as turning 2. I feel this is a lot for such a young boy so believe he needs a bit more stability.

    In addition to this, once I return to work full time, the weekends will be my only quality time with the boys too. So I don't see why I should miss out on seeing them every Saturday like I do now. I don't want to only be the boring parent who does the very day stuff, we deserve to have fun together too. I would allow exDH to visit occasionally on his alternating weekends though, for the boys sake.

    So does this sound fair to you? I want to do the right thing by my boys.

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    I think it's fair. Every second weekend is often the default arrangement anyway.

    It wouldn't be fair for you to miss out on all weekends.

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    Yes I definitely agree with fortnightly visits. Before my ex moved overseas he had DD1 for half of every weekend which was really annoying!

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    I think fortnightly is great, it's always worked well for us. That being said I did try to encourage ex to also see DS one afternoon during the week, even for just an hour to the park or something. I found until he was about six every two weeks was too long between visits for DS.

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    Quote Originally Posted by flyawayfree View Post
    I think fortnightly is great, it's always worked well for us. That being said I did try to encourage ex to also see DS one afternoon during the week, even for just an hour to the park or something. I found until he was about six every two weeks was too long between visits for DS.
    That's exactly how I feel, which is why I'll allow a week night if exDH wants it too.

    Also he's going to have to visit DS2 here for a long time to come yet (only 11wks), so he will obviously also see DS1 at these visits too.

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    Every second weekend is a good idea and then if you think DS1 needs it, a midweek afternoon visit rather than overnight.

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    Sorry you have to go through this OP. I know how you must be feeling - I know very well.

    I think fortnightly is fine, as long as your ex is agreeable. Since he's been having him every weekend do you think he'll agree with cutting it back to every second?

    I know with DS his dad now has another toddler and when he once was happy to spend more time with DS he is so busy now that every second Sunday is perfectly ok with him! He *wants* to see DS more, but it always comes down to being too busy so even if he doesn't agree to it now I'm thinking he may in future when he is busy with a new baby.

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    someone put a link up in the divorce section about visitation. its great and it gives you how much time for different ages. i think what you are proposing is a good start

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    MeetTheBluths - I'm sure he won't be too happy about it at first.

    But he's had basically free access up until now and certainly gets more time than most other fathers, especially after what he's done, so he can't complain.

    Once his new baby arrives, he really won't have as much free time as he does now. He won't see that yet, or remember what it was like with DS1 as I always did everything anyway. Something tells me he won't have that luxury with this new partner!

    I'm sure she wouldn't like my children being there every weekend, meaning she wouldn't get much of a break. Whilst I don't care about her stress levels, I do care how she could potentially take that out on my boys and I'm not allowing that to happen.

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    Have you been to mediation yet?


 

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