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  1. #1
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    Default How to deal with a competitive friend!

    Hi Ladies!
    I really need some advice in dealing with a close, long time friend who is driving me mental with her competitive ways!

    I read somewhere that competitive friends act like that because they are insecure with their own lives and that definitely is the reason.

    It is becoming to the point where I am too afraid to start a conversation in fear that she will lash out and be nasty in her remarks.
    At the moment my dealing method is to either fake laugh and pretend to take it as a joke or quickly change the conversation.
    I normally wouldn't mind and take it in one ear and out the other but lately she has turned nasty and mean with her remarks. I can't take it anymore! I don't even want to talk to her because its almost like I know what she will say back. Also don't mean to sound totally up myself but it feels as if she is completely jealous of my life and finds little ways to pick at my feelings.

    I'm losing my mind! I know I have to speak up and say something but every time I have done that in the past it has resulted in us having long term fights which I definitely do NOT want to happen.

    How has anyone else dealt with these types of people!?

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    I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, it's not fair and friendship in my books is a two way street. It should not involve one friend always walking on eggshells to please the other.

    I have recently very much distanced myself from a friend of 20+years who has always been like that.... I tried sooooo many other things but it was the only solution that seemed to work. I got tired of a very hard work one way friendship.

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  4. #3
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    αληθη is offline BH name read as Aleethee
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    I'm a blunt person so I'd just tell her to get over it, live her own life and stop being a beach whenever you talk about your life.
    I'd much rather no friend than an annoying one I don't want to talk to.

  5. #4
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    That is exactly it! It feels as if I have to be completely careful with what I say and I hate not being able to just say what I want to say and have a normal everyday conversation. I tip toe around in fear of saying the wrong thing.
    I'm feeling like I should just bite the bullet and be nasty back? Maybe if she sees that I will actually stand up for myself she might back off?

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    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    I guess it all comes down to how important this woman is to you. You can't change her, she is who she is. I know how frustrating it must be to have to hear competitive bs all the time. If the friendship means alot to you then maybe you just need to accept her the way she is, and if maybe its just too much frustration you can let the friendship go slowly?

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    In my opinion, if she is being nasty and saying horrid things, she's not a friend. She's a toxic person.

    It's normal to sometimes get jealous of your friends, I know I sometimes envy mine. But true friends are never nasty about it. True friends celebrate each others success and encourage each other in times of hardship.

    I would be putting some distance between her and you and taking some time to reevaluate your friendship

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    Tell her to get over herself. Sometimes people like other people to be scared of them...it's a power trip. Call her on it. You don't have to suppress yourself or have a crap life to have friends...

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    If it is a friendship you value, perhaps you could sit her down and discuss it with her? Explain that her sharp remarks and snide comments have hurt you, which in turn has hurt your friendship? I agree that her competitive actions are probably her way of hiding insecurities. Can you be open with her and encourage her to work on her own problems? Or would she react with anger?

    Regardless of whether she would be receptive to your feelings, it sounds as though you need to get it all out in the open. Hopefully she respects you enough to listen.

    Sent from my GT-N8010 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Oh she definitely knows that she can say what she wants and I will just let her walk all over me. She would be loving it.

    She would react with anger. She wouldn't assume that she has been doing anything wrong.
    Last edited by lovebnb; 17-05-2013 at 18:09. Reason: add more

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    Then stop it. What have you got to loose? Remember people treat you the way you let them...

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