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  1. #1
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    Default hwo do you cope with your inlaws-single parent

    my inlaws have stopped any contact with me and the kids. we were mean to go to my nieces party on saturday but i cant make it because of money, petrol etc. i also dont want to go because im not sure how they will react to me. they have only heard exh story of things and no one has bothered to ask me. i dont want to ring them to tell them because i.... i dont know. the kids are asking to see my mil but i dont know if she wants to see me or the kids.

    how did you cope with your inlaws? do you see or talk to them? how was it the first time you saw them after the split?
    thanks xx

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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    I don't deal with them. The kids see their paternal grandfather when they see their father, if either of them make the effort.

    I made it clear after separation that if XFIL wanted to see them, all he had to do was call. He hasn't.

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    To cut a long story relitively short.....

    Even though they are very much 'enablers' when it comes to their son, they also know what he is really like so after our breakup they were ok towards me. They've always been pleasant to my face regardless of what I can imagine is said behind my back. They have not would never ever let their son and my relationship breakdown get in the way of being in their grandsons life. They have my son every friday and saturday as my ex still lives with them.

    Im fine to see them, have nothing really against them, but I am starting to find it hard to cope with our different parenting boundaries and can not really dictate to what they do with/teach my son as they'll do it anyway. That is my biggest gripe.

    ETA: I only see my ex MIL & FIL so much because they do pick up and drop off of my son. I have very minimal contact with my ex.

    I think it is very sad for your children that your ex MIL would pull them into the breakup. The kids have nothing to do with it!!

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    I don't have anything to do with bio IL's of the twins. They never made the effort so I stopped.
    They've been happy to insult me and throw abuse on FB and some public outings.
    DF's family however are fantastic with them so they don't miss out at all.

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    It's a tough one, when you lose a partner, you often lose other family members too. If you are comfortable maintaining a relationship with them, you can let them know they need only call to see you and your kids. They may be just as unsure as you. Or you can leave it to your ex to make sure they see the kids.

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    Yeah, because your kids have expressly asked to see your MIL I would be letting her know about that. Grandparents, particularly paternal grandparents often feel confused about what their rights/responsibilities are. I really hope your MIL puts the interests of her grandkids about any tribal kind of loyalty to her son.

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    Thanks everyone. i think i might call her and let her know the kids want to see her. its only fair i guess. my ex and i have only been separated 3.5 weeks so everything is very raw and messy.

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    So i called my mil tonight to tell her the kids wanted to see her. she was very up and down. im so lost on what to do. do i go on saturday and just suck it up and cope the bad or not go and cope the fall out from that.

    oh no its doing my head in

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    Do your kids want to see their cousin? If so them I would go to the party for their sake.

    All too often the kids are the ones that suffer the most in breakups, when they should be kept out of it as much as possible.

    You've done the right thing by telling the mil the kids want to see her. The ball is in her court now to make the effort. Perhaps your ex could take the kids to see her if easier?

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    After exh and i split, there were a lot off issues with ex seeing dd at his chosen time (didnt turn up, very late, didnt call etc etc) and after 1 event i recieved a very pathetic letter from my ex mil. (She also sent it to my mother!!! ) So I replied to that to basically say keep your nose out of it, and i havent had to deal with her since Its been years since ive had to speak to her.

    If DD asked to see mil, which she never has, its up to ex to allow dd to see her whilst in his care.


 

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