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  1. #541
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cat74 View Post
    @ScubaGal, there is no time limit on grief. Bottling it up may feel like it helps in the short term but ultimately you will feel better if you let all of those emotions out.

    I don't know if this will help you but it's just a thought. When I miscarried last year my DH and I decided that we needed to have a little ceremony, to say good bye and to help us let go. It might sound a bit silly but we took a polished stone and sat by the riverbank near our home at sunset one afternoon. Together we held that stone in our hands and took it in turns to tell bubba what he/she meant to us. When we'd said our good byes we then threw the stone into the river. It was very emotional for both of us but, for me in particular, it helped me start to heal emotionally. It acknowledges that the pregnancy was real and gives you both a chance to express how you feel about what you've gone through - the highs and the lows.

    Thinking of you during this tough time.
    Thanks @Cat74
    I don't think that's silly at all.

    We sort of did something similar - because of all the monitoring through IVF we knew the embryo was struggling a week before I actually miscarried so we spent sometime talking to my tummy telling the embryo it had done it's best and we loved it and wanted it and saying goodbye.

  2. #542
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    I know for a fact I'll never enjoy a pregnancy again, or at least until I get past the 6 week mark. I had 2 mmc both at 6 weeks 2/3 days.
    I stress out now that something bad is going to happen and that I'm going to have another mc even though I'm not even pregnant yet.

    The only thing that will help next time is having another dating scan, I won't relax until I've seen a heartbeat and even then last pregnancy we found a heartbeat and still mc anyway.

    Its so nerve racking to think that maybe I'll never be able to have a baby cause 2 mc with no successful pregnancies at my age isn't 'normal', not that any miscarriage is normal.

  3. #543
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    Hi all.

    Not sure where to go for support, but hoping it's here.

    We were pregnant with our second IVF miracle, and found out at a routine 11 week OB appt that the baby had no heartbeat. This is after seeing it happy and healthy several times over the previous weeks, and my body was in completely denial.

    Turns out it was a missed miscarriage, and the baby measured at 9.5 weeks. I had a d&c yesterday and am feeling so sad and empty... and terrified at having to go back to IVF again, or ever having to experience this again.

    So thankful for my little girl but oh, my heart aches for the little peanut that is no longer with us.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsjaguar View Post
    Hi all.

    Not sure where to go for support, but hoping it's here.

    We were pregnant with our second IVF miracle, and found out at a routine 11 week OB appt that the baby had no heartbeat. This is after seeing it happy and healthy several times over the previous weeks, and my body was in completely denial.

    Turns out it was a missed miscarriage, and the baby measured at 9.5 weeks. I had a d&c yesterday and am feeling so sad and empty... and terrified at having to go back to IVF again, or ever having to experience this again.

    So thankful for my little girl but oh, my heart aches for the little peanut that is no longer with us.
    Oh gosh @mrsjaguar so sorry for your loss.

  5. #545
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    I'm so very very sorry @mrsjaguar Apart from it being an IVF bub, I experienced something very similar in March. I too have a dd (from FSH injections with IUI) who I couldn't possibly cherish any fiercer. I discovered a missed m/c at a routine 11 week u/s after seeing an apparent healthy heartbeat at 7 and 9 weeks. No blood or pain or anything to warn me something might be up, it was awful so I really feel for you knowing that you too were laying there all excited and then terrified as they searched and searched for a heartbeat that was no longer there. I don't know if this is the best advice to give but I'll be honest, what got me through the first few days was that I bought two bottles of wine and let myself have one glass mixed with lemonade every night until the bottles were done. After TTC for so long, I was ( am) such a light weight drinker that that was as much as I needed or wanted and it was a satisfying way to stuck my finger up at the world as I had been perfect with my diet, no caffeine or alcohol and this still happened to my baby anyway. I had that bubs remains tested after my D&C and it came back as having Trisomy 13 so the poor thing never had a chance from the moment it was conceived anyway....stick sucks though as we had already fallen completely in love with him/ her and had so many plans for their future

    Be kind to yourself, it did take quite a while for my hCG to get back to zero and I don't think I felt any glimmer of happiness until it got back down so keep that in mind that you will be feeling worse until your hormones settle down (and stop giving your emotions a beating) Hun but that feeling *definitely* won't last forever. Don't even think about the future and future cycles at this stage Hun, that was when I found the whole thing unbearable as I'm sure you do too. Put all that stuff in the "deal with it later" basket and just concentrate on one day at a time and giving your heart time to heal right now. Book yourself in for some acupuncture and massages and jam pack your days with as much "feel good" stuff as you can. You need time to grieve and heal. I didn't see a counsellor after that loss but have this time and I do highly recommend seeing one. They just put everything into prospective and help you look at things in a much better way.

    Big massive hugs to you, always here if you need to vent, cry, rage....whatever you need xoxox

  6. #546
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    @Ladydee - thanks hon, and I'm so sorry you have been through this too. I feel so let down by my body not telling me something was wrong - and I just want to know WHY? It's just heartbreaking. We'll be talking to someone in the next few weeks, once things have calmed down a bit.

    Just so devastated.

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  8. #547
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsjaguar View Post
    Hi all.

    Not sure where to go for support, but hoping it's here.

    We were pregnant with our second IVF miracle, and found out at a routine 11 week OB appt that the baby had no heartbeat. This is after seeing it happy and healthy several times over the previous weeks, and my body was in completely denial.

    Turns out it was a missed miscarriage, and the baby measured at 9.5 weeks. I had a d&c yesterday and am feeling so sad and empty... and terrified at having to go back to IVF again, or ever having to experience this again.

    So thankful for my little girl but oh, my heart aches for the little peanut that is no longer with us.
    I'm so sorry this has happened to you lovely!

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    There's a lot of love in here and I hope you find the support you're looking for, so sorry for your loss x

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsjaguar View Post
    @Ladydee - thanks hon, and I'm so sorry you have been through this too. I feel so let down by my body not telling me something was wrong - and I just want to know WHY? It's just heartbreaking. We'll be talking to someone in the next few weeks, once things have calmed down a bit.

    Just so devastated.
    Big big hugs mrsjaguar.... So sorry you have dealt with all of this

  11. #550
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    I'm still finding myself so surprised that there are so many little moments of sorrow each day and such a sense of loss.

    I'm at the airport waiting to fly interstate for work and last time I was here I was arriving having spent a sunset flight literally begging the universe out the plane window along with any god you can think of to let my little embryo stick that I had invested so much in.

    When I landed that night there was a young mum waiting to board holding the most gorgeous baby boy in a stripey sleep suit and I'm not actually normally a gushy person over babies but he just got me the way he was gazing up at his mum and I thought it's my turn, I want this one.

    Same gate this morning. No baby there or for me. I just want to shake somebody or scream or something. This is so awful and nothing makes it any better not wine or coffee or sleep and watching my husband grieve is the worst of all.

    Feels like we've really had more than our share of random acts of ****tiness lately. The complete lack of control is so hard to bear - there's nothing more we could have done or can do in the next cycle. Hope doesn't work. All the clean living didn't save it, and the more I follow people in this forum the less I am convinced anyone gets justice.

    How can it be so easy for others to have not just one baby but a whole family of kids when we struggle so hard to get there with IVF and get nowhere?


 

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