We use natural method for birth control, it works well, I know all my fertile signs can usually pinpoint ovulation and period to the day... yesterday AF didn't come and I totally freaked out. The mind is powerful I even started to feel sick! I couldn't even share my fears with DP as I knew this would be my stuff up (I think I did stuff up but hasn't resulted in pregnancy). I was so freaked out I was actually looking online for information about medical terminations. All the reasons why it seemed like the end of the world:
I'm 40, in remission from cancer, xmas overseas trip booked and paid for, younger sister just had late miscarriage and isn't pregnant again yet, 6 years out of work I can't afford another 3+ years, above all this DP doesn't want another how could I have broken it to him!!!
I was initially so unbelievably relieved to get my period this morning, but why do I also feel sadness and loss?! What is wrong with me?? I think yesterday I was feeling especially guilty as I have been obsessing about babies. I know all the good reasons we are done with our 2 perfectly healthy children, but sometimes I pine so I felt guilty that I hadn't been careful enough. But when I thought I was pregnant, I really really didn't feel like it would be a good thing for my family. Why am I so conflicted?!?!