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  1. #61
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    Yep. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

    Long story short, my mother is an alcoholic. She quit for a few years, met her partner (she and dad had been divorced for about 2 years by then). Her new partner was/is a pr!ck. She and dad were friends and she lived in dads house as he worked away but due to major issues she was removed from the house.

    Df, ds1 and I were living there when she was removed. When I was 8 months pregnant my mothers partner broke into the house with a crowbar. He punched me in the stomach, ds1 who was 2 saw it all. He still remembers it at 7. The police arrived, the partner had taken off and mum insisted he would never do anything like that. 3 nights in hospital, doctors concerned I was going into early labour but according to my mum and her family I'm the liar.

    Oh, when ds2 was about 7 months old she tried to put a dvo on me.

    That incident is the last time she saw ds1 and she has never seen ds2.

    There is plenty more but I said long story short

    Please do not quote as I may remove later

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  3. #62
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    Yes, and we are so much happier. DHs family is so dysfunctional, and it got to the point where we just couldn't take it anymore. Mil stalked us after we walked out of their lives but now does not know where we live. She has found out where I work and has tried to get to me through work's Facebook page. Same pattern as many on here, lots of threats to harm/kill herself or us. Pathetic.
    We said goodbye years before we had children and felt bad, but now we have innocent children to protect we are so glad!

  4. #63
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    There is a pattern with my mil yes. But one day she will be awful and abusive and then nice as pie the next ( but comes across to me as a VERY fake nice)

    Problem is either stages can last weeks but always repeats itself. For example the last few weeks she has been " nice" Still goes on about herself the whole time and shows very little interest in our life. But DH seems to think it all can go back to normal. We have just moved into a new house and i heard him on the phone the other day saying that i would pick her up ( even tho she can drive 20 mins away is too far for her apparently) and she could come see our new place yet i had made it clear i no longer want to see her. She can come her of her own accord and ill go out, no probs but i know if i say anything to dh he will be like " but shes been ok lately" meaning that because she hasnt abused us for 2 weeks its all ok. Its a joke because she has been awful over and over again for years and NEVER apologises!

    Gah!

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    Last edited by SoThisIsLove; 10-06-2013 at 15:03.

  5. #64
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    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoThisIsLove View Post
    There is a pattern with my mil yes. But one day she will be awful and abusive and then nice as pie the next ( but comes across to me as a VERY fake nice)

    Problem is either stages can last weeks but always repeats itself. For example the last few weeks she has been " nice" Still goes on about herself the whole time and shows very little interest in our life. But DH seems to think it all can go back to normal. We have just moved into a new house and i heard him on the phone the other day saying that i would pick her up ( even tho she can drive 20 mins away is too far for her apparently) and she could come see our new place yet i had made it clear i no longer want to see her. She can come her of her own accord and ill go out, no probs but i know if i say anything to dh he will be like " but shes been ok lately" meaning that because she hasnt abused us for 2 weeks its all ok. Its a joke because she has been awful over and over again for years and NEVER apologises!

    Gah!

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    I think that this sounds like a really tough situation for your DH to be in. I think that it is easier said then done to just wipe a parent from your life. Especially if growing up he has found himself feeling responsible for her. I am not sure of the entire situation, but depending on how toxic things may have been growing up for him this could be especially hard.

    If he has been manipulated his whole life she will know how to play him to get what she wants.

    I know that you just want to wipe her, but I think your hubby needs some support through this. Simply making sure you aren't home when she comes over etc is going to make things harder for him.

    Sorry OP it sounds really tough on you too.

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  7. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theophania View Post
    I think that this sounds like a really tough situation for your DH to be in. I think that it is easier said then done to just wipe a parent from your life. Especially if growing up he has found himself feeling responsible for her. I am not sure of the entire situation, but depending on how toxic things may have been growing up for him this could be especially hard.

    If he has been manipulated his whole life she will know how to play him to get what she wants.

    I know that you just want to wipe her, but I think your hubby needs some support through this. Simply making sure you aren't home when she comes over etc is going to make things harder for him.

    Sorry OP it sounds really tough on you too.
    I understand what u are saying and u are right in ur assesment of the situation. He does feel responsible for her and has been in a toxic and manipulative relationship with her his whole life.

    I am supportive of him. But, Im always there to pick up the pieces everytime she abuses and threatens him. It literally breaks him. There is only so many times u can witness someone u love being treated sooo poorly before u say " no more". It affects our home life, his job u name it and i cannot tolerate that. I have put up with years of this and i dont pressure him to cut her off.. in fact i have always encouraged him not to if he can protect himself in the process but i dont think he can. Its toxic. As nothing changes i do think its in his best interests to keep his distance. No One - mother, brother, sister, friend has the right to mistreat u. No one.

    For my own emotional wellbeing as an individual, wife and a mother i have no choice. She just causes too much turmoil.

    I literally cannot be around her. Im standing firm on this. I will not minimise or condone her behaviour.

    Ive never had to do this with anyone before. I usually get along with everybody

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    Last edited by SoThisIsLove; 10-06-2013 at 15:52.

  8. #66
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    No, I've never cut anyone off. I feel sad for everyone who has had to though, it must be awful to go through something so terrible with another person that the only answer is to cut all contact

  9. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    No, I've never cut anyone off. I feel sad for everyone who has had to though, it must be awful to go through something so terrible with another person that the only answer is to cut all contact
    Actually, no, it was liberating. You are conditioned to understand that blood is thicker than water so for years you don't dare cross that adage. When you finally realise that toxic people shorten lives and make what time we have on this earth miserable and that it doesn't matter whether they are related to you and you pull the cut off switch, waaaaaaa......oh the lightness of being.

    I've watched a mother/son r'ship like the one you describe, SoThisIsLove, and I don't envy you. Theophania gave you the perfect response. In my situation, the mother was bipolar and had other associated mental issues....she was horrific to watch. I squirmed reading your post. I admire you for being so resolute and strong. I hope your DH is able to recover. My best wishes to you both.

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  11. #68
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    Yes I have cut off contact with my youngest sister. My main reasons I want nothing to do with her is because she has no respect for my parents and she chooses her lifestyle over her daughter. She is an addict and criminal and will never change. My semi-retired parents look after her daughter and she floats in and out of all their lives when it suits her. She can disappear for days, weeks or months at a time. She's always promised to change but its never her fault. It puts a strain on relationships between my entire family but I feel so much better not seeing or speaking to her. I had to tell my family I didn't want to know about her anymore and wouldn't visit when she was around. It's best for everyone that way.


 

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