+ Reply to Thread
Page 5 of 7 FirstFirst ... 34567 LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 68
  1. #41
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    4,953
    Thanks
    3,680
    Thanked
    1,949
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Thanks for your post shadowangel.

    Ive had someone say to me that its like my mil has BPD but she shows traits of several mental illnesses ive looked into so im not sure. As far as i know she hasnt been diagnosed with anything other than depression.

    I know what u mean about making the excuses part! Dh does it all the time.... " she has no one" " shes had a rough life" "she doesnt think like u and me" "shes frail sick old woman" ( shes 62) Other times he will pull her up on her behaviour and they will have blowouts. Its so destructive.

    The last few months have been virtually non stop drama and stress with repeated abusive, nasty and emotionally manipulative behaviour and he knew that i had limited my contact with her ( i never said anything to her for fear once i started i wouldnt stop) but id just try not to see her - funnily enough dh also doesnt drive so i have to take him to see her or he would catch a bus from work. She lives next door to his Nan so we would always go there as her house is filthy ( i mean hoarders style) so id go in and say hi to his Nan and she would come over.

    Id try to say to dh that id come in and say hi and then leave and come back and pick him up ( is too far to drive back home tho) but he never wanted to stay long so would ask me to just wait.

    But now i have to put my foot down. He isnt going to like it and i know he will try and guilt trip me and make me feel like im the bad one but i dont care anymore.

    It drives me nuts that he just keeps going back to allow more abuse. He thinks he has no choice and has to put up with it cause she is his lonely old mum.

    Honestly no wonder she has no friends or family that want anything to do with her but she constantly pulls the pity card about how she has no one and all her ailments etc.

    Any tips on how to make him realise what he is doing? Nothing i say seems to make a real, lasting difference. She has been manipulating him all his life!

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Last edited by SoThisIsLove; 10-05-2013 at 06:15.

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    4,953
    Thanks
    3,680
    Thanked
    1,949
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    p.s i fear he will never make it stop and it will come at a cost - our marriage.

    She is the only thing we have major arguments about.

    What drives me nuts the most is he wouldnt put up with it from anyone else. If anyone we knew treated their child that way or if i treated our dd that way when she is older he would b disgusted and prob report me for abuse.

    But when it comes to his mum, its acceptable for the most part.

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Last edited by SoThisIsLove; 10-05-2013 at 06:17.

  3. #43
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Kurrajong
    Posts
    254
    Thanks
    241
    Thanked
    71
    Reviews
    0
    Yes, for a period of 2.5 years my DH had no contact with his parents and for the past 8 years he hasnt spoken to his brother and SIL. Its a difficult situation and the estrangement hurts DH alot. He now speaks to his parents but its an extremely superficial relationship esp since his parents make no real attempt to mend the broken relationship between their sons:-(

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using BubHub

  4. #44
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    11,112
    Thanks
    7,258
    Thanked
    5,873
    Reviews
    11
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 29/5/15Busiest Member of the WeekBusiest Member of the Week100 Posts in a week
    I don't think I could or would cut contact with my family, as DP has no family.

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    4,265
    Thanks
    159
    Thanked
    1,143
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I really feel for you, its a long hard road it took about 3yrs before df was ready
    Last edited by shadowangel0205; 10-06-2013 at 00:28.

  6. #46
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    chaos hill
    Posts
    1,687
    Thanks
    1,123
    Thanked
    612
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I cut all contact with my family over 13yrs ago. None of them have met my youngest 3 kids.

    I miss them terribly but their toxicity was just too much. They were never going to infect my children with their 'family' ways.

    My dh's parents have passed so it is really sad because my kids don't have any blood relatives.

    But... my ex MIL is a beautiful woman, and she has taken my youngest 3 under her wing, even though they are not my ex's children. She is a gem. I love her to bits and so do my kids. She is a true Grandma. Always loving, always open arms and an open heart. So yes they have missed out with mine and dh's family, but what they gained from my ex MIL is just priceless. I am so lucky.

  7. #47
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    NSW
    Posts
    2,110
    Thanks
    92
    Thanked
    773
    Reviews
    5
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Yeah I cut out everyone but my parents, 1 set of grandparents and my brothers.

    Everyone else is very self absorbed, manipulative and liars. Or else controlled by someone who is like that...

    I don't feel bad because my life is so much better without them. When DP and I have kids, they will have only nice family around them. I'm not even telling any of the others when we get pregnant/have a baby.

    One of my aunties and her daughter posted all over Facebook about my nan having a heart attack before the rest of the family even knew!
    The same cousin hasn't even seen our nan for over 5 years. She lives 2 hour drive and hasn't made the effort. But it's no problem for her to fly to see her step mothers mother for her birthday?? Makes me angry

  8. #48
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    chaos hill
    Posts
    1,687
    Thanks
    1,123
    Thanked
    612
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by onionskin View Post
    I cut all contact with my family over 13yrs ago. None of them have met my youngest 3 kids.

    I miss them terribly but their toxicity was just too much. They were never going to infect my children with their 'family' ways.

    My dh's parents have passed so it is really sad because my kids don't have any blood relatives.

    But... my ex MIL is a beautiful woman, and she has taken my youngest 3 under her wing, even though they are not my ex's children. She is a gem. I love her to bits and so do my kids. She is a true Grandma. Always loving, always open arms and an open heart. So yes they have missed out with mine and dh's family, but what they gained from my ex MIL is just priceless. I am so lucky.
    I just wanted to add that in over 13yrs my mum has never even bothered to try and fix things with me, so she could enjoy a relationship with my kids. Not a phone call, birthday card not anything. I do wish things were different.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to onionskin For This Useful Post:

    Jennaisme  (10-05-2013)

  10. #49
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    3,517
    Thanks
    432
    Thanked
    3,246
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Sorry, accidental thank.

    I won't go into details of the rest of my family that I've cut off and why or the rest of the reason for cutting off my Aunt, but on my birthday, at my birthday dinner, my Aunt took it upon herself to inform me she was glad I had miscarried a very much wanted and loved baby, just so that I ‘‘wasn't a single mum‘‘. I should have cut Gerald out then but as I loved my Uncle very much I decided to just be courteous and polite and not go out of my way to see her or anything. Then recently I posted a status update on fb after I'd read something on another forum I go to. She started having a go at me on my fb and twisted what I was saying and made it sound horrid and disgusting, so I deleted her from my fb. I then got a fb message from her that was quite impolite, she banned me from ever contacting my Uncle again and tried to ruin my wedding. My uncle was supposed to give me away abd she made a point of telling me he won't be.

    I decided then and there if any of my family have a problem with it and want me to apologise to her then I'll cut them out along with her. I have no time for tahat crap and I want my kids to grow up feeling safe and loved.

    Sent from my HUAWEI-U8850 using BubHub

  11. #50
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    3,220
    Thanks
    1,254
    Thanked
    1,085
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    We cut dh's family out of our lives 12 yrs ago, my family were cut out 2 yrs ago. None of them understand PND and mental health and it was costing my marriage and childrens happiness having negative unhelpful ppl in our life putting me down
    Last edited by ozeymumof5; 10-05-2013 at 13:08.


 

Similar Threads

  1. What do you do when a family member is diagnosed with cancer?
    By Tainted in forum Issues with Family Members
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 22-03-2013, 20:22
  2. TTC #1 and one family member not very supportive
    By Baby01 in forum Conception & Fertility General Chat
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 29-05-2012, 15:58

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
BAE The Label
Versatile, premium maternity wear that you will love throughout pregnancy and long after. Cleverly designed for for all stages of motherhood so that you can 'Just be you (+1)'.
sales & new stuffsee all
True Fairies
True Fairies is the first interactive website where children can engage and speak with a real fairy through the unique webcam fairy portal. Each session is tailored to the child, and is filled with enchantment and magic.
Visit website to find out more!
featured supporter
Hunter Women's Health Centre
Hunter Women’s Health Centre care for women of all ages, in the full spectrum of their gynaecologic and obstetric health.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!