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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by weathjess View Post
    Hi everyone,
    I am 30 weeks pregnant with my first baby. It has taken me 4 years to fall pregnant due to PCOS - so I am really, really excited.
    I am also very set in my ways - I have my ideas of how I want to do things and how I plan to raise my baby.
    I am feeling really pressured at the moment because I am also having the first grandchild on both sides!
    I am not really keen on having anyone look after the baby in the first 12 months - I plan to demand feed with breastfeeding and don't want to express in a bottle so others can feed. I have waited so long for this baby I see no reason for us to be separated.
    I feel that my husbands parents (mine live interstate) are encroaching and are ready to pounce to take the baby away. I lost it last night when I discovered that my mother in law had bought a port a cot second hand......for HER HOUSE!!! Firstly, I am open to second hand things, but I don't want my baby going into something that I haven't inspected, and 2. it is a bit presumptuous that she would need a port a cot, because even if someone did come and mind the baby for a couple of hours - wouldn't they come to my house where I am all set up?
    Am I being paranoid and overly hormonal? I know alot of people see grandparents as god sent, but at the moment I just see no reason why my baby and I need to be separated?
    When I asked them a few months ago to get whooping cough injections they refused as they don't like needles......that also sent me over the edge.
    I feel that there is no respect for me as the mother in this.......am I being a bit harsh???
    Sorry for my rant......just feeling really anxious about this!!!

    I think you are feeling what every first time mum to be, feels and goes through.
    It's so normal for your protective motherly instincs to kick in once bub arrives. I think that's what's happened in your case but just a bit earlier! which is totally normal and a good thing!
    Just from a different perspective - my parents and my in laws both purchased porta cots. MIL brand new for her forst grandchild (she now has 8), my mum got 2 second hand ones and gave one to us! "both perfectly fine, used a few times" she said. I didnt even question it, to be honest. We live a fair way from both sets of grandparents, so we dont do day trips, we stay overnight and we NEED to have porta cots. I was very appreciative. I think as new grandparents they ar eagar to be of help whenere ever they can. They once were in your position too, remember! I know my mum likes to make her house comfy and our stay as easy as possible when we stay with her. She has clothes for our kids, nappies and all of that so we dont even need to pack for our kids when we stay with my parents. It's so much easier and my mum loves setting up their room for when we are staying.
    As for the whooping cough, my parents went to their local doctor and had it done the week before i had the baby. I didnt ask them, they just did it.
    Im not sure about MIL as she has 3 older grandkids so i just presumed she may already have it. ive never bought it up to be honest. I
    I am very much the same as you about not expressing to bottle feed. However when i went thru mastitis i was in too much pain to feed, dh took over a couple night feeds so i could sleep and get better quicker. I had frozen ebm from the early days when i was engorged and needed relief. So lucky i had that stash of ebm and i am relieved to know ds will take to a bottle in an emergency. He will not take a bottle from me though. Why would he want to? haha!
    All the best i think you're going to be a super mummy and maybe just relax and have a break from the MIL for a while.

  2. #42
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    The port a cot could be useful when you are having tea/bbq lunch etc at IL's to put bub to sleep. I demand feed to and am very protective of my kids don't leave them unless I have to and my eldest is 5. He still doesn't sleep over at others besides when I was in hospital and then my parents stayed at the town I had bubs in and brought them uup several times daily.

    The whooping cough I did the same thing, I told IL's that they couldn't see bub untill they had it. I am sure that the IL's are going to want to come see bub when you have him/her at the hospital. Use the midwifes that is what they are there for. Ask the midwifes to ask them if they have had their whooping cough vax and when they say no get the midwife to say sorry you can't go visit baby until you have had your shot. They(midwifes) will do that for you and it might give them the incentive to go get it.

  3. #43
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    threechooks is offline If my spelling annoys you that's your problem.... I have better things to do than proofread !
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    A port-a-cot can be used until they are 2-3 years old, whose to say you won't want a night out with just your husband when your child is that old. Perhaps your MIL is just being prepared.

  4. #44
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    Enough has been said about the porta cot, im positive you understand your reaction.

    I understand how serious whooping cough can be in infants etc, But i also dont believe bribing family to get the shot or no contact with baby is acceptable. I find it almost hypocritical to bribe someone based on medical intervention. Put something you dont want in your body.. or else. If we did this to non vaccinated kids at school (no school unless you vaccinate against A,B and C) or non vax'd kids cant use any play equipment, toys at the library etc ... There would be bloody murder in the streets between mothers. Yet ... Its somehow acceptable to do it when it comes to a certain Vax and a baby? Hardly seems fair?

    I am 100% Pro Vax. It is my choice to attempt to protect my child and ill go to all measures .. but, I am not 100% Pro Vax towards others, Their bodies are not my concern or in my power to control. If they were, our right of freedom and choice has gone out the window!

    Ive asked my parents to get the shot, they have said no. Fine. I have drawn the line at they arent coming near us when they are visably sick or have been around those whom are visably sick. Not much else i can do. Am I really going to tell my child ... yes you have a grandma.. but she wouldnt get a needle so you will never see her.. Whooping cough is bad at any age. Exactly how long will you limit contact?

    I refuse to get the flu shot. Thats on my shoulders IF i get sick. If someone made me get it ... against my will. No thankyou. An injection is an invasive, skin breaking procedure, injecting a substance into our bodies... none of which we actually know exactly what the substance truly is (unless were all micro biologists??) As i said, im Pro Vax.. but im also Pro freedom of choice.

    Are you going to never go to the supermarket in the first x months of life until your baby is old enough for vaccinations? No one coming to your home (electrician, pizza man, post man, door to door sales), Is your partner ever going to work again? No one has to carry a banner on their forehead advising what they have been vaccinated against ... Plenty of ways for an infection to enter your home other than dear old grandma having a cuddle.
    Last edited by MrsR2012; 13-05-2013 at 03:00.

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  6. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by weathjess View Post
    Hi everyone,
    I am 30 weeks pregnant with my first baby. It has taken me 4 years to fall pregnant due to PCOS - so I am really, really excited.
    I am also very set in my ways - I have my ideas of how I want to do things and how I plan to raise my baby.
    I am feeling really pressured at the moment because I am also having the first grandchild on both sides!
    I am not really keen on having anyone look after the baby in the first 12 months - I plan to demand feed with breastfeeding and don't want to express in a bottle so others can feed. I have waited so long for this baby I see no reason for us to be separated.
    I feel that my husbands parents (mine live interstate) are encroaching and are ready to pounce to take the baby away. I lost it last night when I discovered that my mother in law had bought a port a cot second hand......for HER HOUSE!!! Firstly, I am open to second hand things, but I don't want my baby going into something that I haven't inspected, and 2. it is a bit presumptuous that she would need a port a cot, because even if someone did come and mind the baby for a couple of hours - wouldn't they come to my house where I am all set up?
    Am I being paranoid and overly hormonal? I know alot of people see grandparents as god sent, but at the moment I just see no reason why my baby and I need to be separated?
    When I asked them a few months ago to get whooping cough injections they refused as they don't like needles......that also sent me over the edge.
    I feel that there is no respect for me as the mother in this.......am I being a bit harsh???
    Sorry for my rant......just feeling really anxious about this!!!
    I assure you that you should be thankful that they care. Alot of inlaws/parents couldn't give two hoots. While there is no need for you and baby to be seperated and yes you are the parents now they've had their kids... it is a special thing to be a grandparent and remember one day you will be. Your children will watch the way you treat their grandparents and probably treat you the same way when they You need to encourage the relationship between your MIL and mother and their grandchild. This doesn't mean you have to leave your baby at their house or anything but it does mean visiting them regularly and like a previous poster said a porta cot could come in handy for day sleep if you happen to be there. (They need to visit you alot too not just the other way but I don't see why it should always be them that comes to your house. It's good for the baby to go to other places occassionaly not stay at home all the time).

    In regards to the whooping cough vaccine... stand your ground. Just make a blanket rule that in the first 6 months of life that there'll be no visitors that haven't had the whooping cough vaccine around the baby.

  7. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsR2012 View Post
    Enough has been said about the porta cot, im positive you understand your reaction.

    I understand how serious whooping cough can be in infants etc, But i also dont believe bribing family to get the shot or no contact with baby is acceptable. I find it almost hypocritical to bribe someone based on medical intervention. Put something you dont want in your body.. or else. If we did this to non vaccinated kids at school (no school unless you vaccinate against A,B and C) or non vax'd kids cant use any play equipment, toys at the library etc ... There would be bloody murder in the streets between mothers. Yet ... Its somehow acceptable to do it when it comes to a certain Vax and a baby? Hardly seems fair?

    I am 100% Pro Vax. It is my choice to attempt to protect my child and ill go to all measures .. but, I am not 100% Pro Vax towards others, Their bodies are not my concern or in my power to control. If they were, our right of freedom and choice has gone out the window!

    Ive asked my parents to get the shot, they have said no. Fine. I have drawn the line at they arent coming near us when they are visably sick or have been around those whom are visably sick. Not much else i can do. Am I really going to tell my child ... yes you have a grandma.. but she wouldnt get a needle so you will never see her.. Whooping cough is bad at any age. Exactly how long will you limit contact?

    I refuse to get the flu shot. Thats on my shoulders IF i get sick. If someone made me get it ... against my will. No thankyou. An injection is an invasive, skin breaking procedure, injecting a substance into our bodies... none of which we actually know exactly what the substance truly is (unless were all micro biologists??) As i said, im Pro Vax.. but im also Pro freedom of choice.

    Are you going to never go to the supermarket in the first x months of life until your baby is old enough for vaccinations? No one coming to your home (electrician, pizza man, post man, door to door sales), Is your partner ever going to work again? No one has to carry a banner on their forehead advising what they have been vaccinated against ... Plenty of ways for an infection to enter your home other than dear old grandma having a cuddle.
    In regards to bribing.. because it's their baby? They have the control to do that. If it were my choice non vaxxed kids would be banned from schools and have to have their own schools unless its for a medical reason not just because the parents think their kid is going to have a reaction or get autism.

    I think to make that a rule for the whole of the child's life would be a bit ridiculous considering they should be vaccinated by 6 months/year so don't see why they'd even know any different really. Whooping cough is bad at any age but doesn't really kill that many people over a certain age. A child under 1 has a good chance of dying if contracting whooping cough.

  8. #47
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    I can see ur point in both :-) I was super hormonal lol as others have said a porta cot can come in handy when visiting .... I just made it clear that I didn't believe in infant sleep overs and its never been asked ..... A for the wc vaccine ... Simple no needle no cuddles ... My husband backed me on this 100% I read him a hand out from com health about WC and made the poor guy cry ...

  9. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsR2012 View Post
    Enough has been said about the porta cot, im positive you understand your reaction.

    I understand how serious whooping cough can be in infants etc, But i also dont believe bribing family to get the shot or no contact with baby is acceptable. I find it almost hypocritical to bribe someone based on medical intervention. Put something you dont want in your body.. or else. If we did this to non vaccinated kids at school (no school unless you vaccinate against A,B and C) or non vax'd kids cant use any play equipment, toys at the library etc ... There would be bloody murder in the streets between mothers. Yet ... Its somehow acceptable to do it when it comes to a certain Vax and a baby? Hardly seems fair?

    I am 100% Pro Vax. It is my choice to attempt to protect my child and ill go to all measures .. but, I am not 100% Pro Vax towards others, Their bodies are not my concern or in my power to control. If they were, our right of freedom and choice has gone out the window!

    Ive asked my parents to get the shot, they have said no. Fine. I have drawn the line at they arent coming near us when they are visably sick or have been around those whom are visably sick. Not much else i can do. Am I really going to tell my child ... yes you have a grandma.. but she wouldnt get a needle so you will never see her.. Whooping cough is bad at any age. Exactly how long will you limit contact?

    I refuse to get the flu shot. Thats on my shoulders IF i get sick. If someone made me get it ... against my will. No thankyou. An injection is an invasive, skin breaking procedure, injecting a substance into our bodies... none of which we actually know exactly what the substance truly is (unless were all micro biologists??) As i said, im Pro Vax.. but im also Pro freedom of choice.

    Are you going to never go to the supermarket in the first x months of life until your baby is old enough for vaccinations? No one coming to your home (electrician, pizza man, post man, door to door sales), Is your partner ever going to work again? No one has to carry a banner on their forehead advising what they have been vaccinated against ... Plenty of ways for an infection to enter your home other than dear old grandma having a cuddle.
    Often the people most likely to spend time around a new baby are close family members. I hardly think it's a stretch to ask, that if the grandparents will be spending a lot of time around the baby in the early months that they get the vax.

    It's not bribing it's setting up expectations to look after a new borns health.

    I totally understand other peoples bodies their choice, that's fine, my baby my choice who visits.

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  11. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsR2012 View Post
    I understand how serious whooping cough can be in infants etc, But i also dont believe bribing family to get the shot or no contact with baby is acceptable. I find it almost hypocritical to bribe someone based on medical intervention. Put something you dont want in your body.. or else. If we did this to non vaccinated kids at school (no school unless you vaccinate against A,B and C) or non vax'd kids cant use any play equipment, toys at the library etc ... There would be bloody murder in the streets between mothers. Yet ... Its somehow acceptable to do it when it comes to a certain Vax and a baby? Hardly seems fair?
    This is an invalid point. By school age, children will be up to date with vaccinations, so their unvaxxed peers don't exactly pose a threat... Very different to a newborn baby with a weak immune system, unable to be vaccinated yet.

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    You need to go with what your heart says, this is your baby and your call... good luck


 

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