I have been having a real hard time of it lately, no more than any other other pregnant woman out there, but hard all the same.
This is my first baby, and I'm 32 weeks. I'm working full time as the primary income earner, I am studying part-time, trying to wrap up my studies in the next 6 weeks.
I've got bad oedema in my hands, feet and face, constant pain /numbness in my upper abdomen (feels like a Chinese burn), sleep apnea resulting in tiredness because I keep waking up from lack of breath, Carpel Tunnel (pregnancy related) resulting in sore, aching finger joints and inability to grasp things, back pain (from pre-existing prolapsed disc). As well as the other normal pregnancy ailments - round ligament pain, emotional / physical /mental exhaustion, heartburn, painful varicose veins, sore breasts, sore abdomen, constant need to pee etc.
And then there's the lack of support - last night I asked my partner what was wrong - of course he said nothing (there's nothing I hate more than nothing) and then I guessed exactly what it was (men are open books) ... The issue is he said 'all you talk about is how much pain you are in and how uncomfortable you are, and it makes me not want to be at home so I go out'.
Wow! I was shocked! Talk about lack of support. I wish I could go out and then the pain and uncomfortableness and exhaustion and utter burn out would go away. But no, it's endless.
The worst thing is, he is all about me as the mum and him as the dad being the only people to be involved in the pregnancy / birth and yet I have felt so unsupported during the pregnancy that I worry he won't be very good support person during the birth and I am beginning to want someone else there, someone who can understand how hard this is, a woman!
Don't get me wrong I know that most men are clueless when it comes to women's business but I just can't believe how selfish he is acting. I thought he would be more supportive.
It's all about him, his needs. He said he's sorry for how he has acted (once I had burst into tears), he said he doesn't know how to help me - I suggested making dinner, cleaning the house, doing the shopping, massaging my feet (for longer than a minute)... He said 'okay just tell me what to do and I'll do it'... I wish he could just see what needs to be done and offer to do it! But I guess that's a big ask.
I worry so much about when the baby arrives, and I am under no delusions that I will do 90% of the work. He wants me to go back to work straight away so he can be the stay at home dad, but I guarantee if that were to happen I'd be the primary income earner and the house slave - as well as still needing to breast feed etc.
I don't know why I'm writing this I guess I just need someone to talk to...
I'd also like to know if there is anyone out there whose partner didn't want anyone else at the birth but you felt as a woman you needed someone else there who could understand? What did you do, did you bring a support person despite your partners objection? Did you not bring a support person and regret the decision?
Are men as useless during child birth and parenting as they are during pregnancy?