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  1. #1
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    Default Am I being silly?

    Just need to know whether I am being silly or whether I am justified in my feelings right now, as DH thinks I am just over-reacting and being controlling.

    Wednesday was our babies EDD - we miscarried back in September so it was a particularly hard day. I have barely seen DH due to him working a string of nightshifts at work, and he had Wednesday off. He left here at 3pm to meet a friend for a concert that night. Before he left he promised me he wouldn't get drunk or smoke weed, "I'll have a few drinks, enjoy myself & then come home and cuddle my wife".
    By 7pm he was drunk & rang his mum to say not to come pick him up because he wasn't coming home. I got annoyed because he had promised he wasn't getting drunk and had said he would come home. He went off at me for being annoyed.
    I ended up crying myself to sleep Wednesday night - something that in my eyes, I shouldn't have had to do. I had to grieve for our baby - alone. While he was off drunk having a great time.
    He didn't get home yesterday until 3:10pm and had to rush out the door because he was about to be late for work. His clothes reeked like cigarettes - so he had been smoking. He's an ex smoker and often tells me he feels so much better and how awful smoking is and how awful it makes him feel when he does it - but everytime he gets around a certain set of friends he does it. (same with weed, which he says he didnt smoke wednesday but i dont believe). Left his phone behind because it had gone flat, so I couldn't even communicate with him.. Last contact we had had was 7pm Wednesday.
    This morning I have bought it up. We have now had a massive argument. Apparently I am not entitled to be angry, he "sees nothing wrong" with what he did. Then flipped it on me to say that I am just suspicious and controlling. My feelings have no justification what so ever. I'm not allowed to feel angry or hurt that I've barely seen him all week and the one day off he gets he spends an hour with me then disappears for well over 30 hours, having a great time breaking promises and leaving me to grieve for our baby alone.
    Then he stormed out.

    So my question is - how would you feel? Am I justified in my feelings, or is he right?

  2. #2
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    I'd be very disappointed & upset if my dh did that to me.

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  4. #3
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    I would be mega ****ed.

    But I have no tolerance for people who smoke weed or take drugs.
    Sorry for you loss OP, and sorry you didn't get the support you needed

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  6. #4
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    im so sorry for your loss and you should not have had to be alone.

    I'm sorry but I think your DH is being selfish. He should have been there for you when you needed him most.

    I would be angry if my DH took off for 30 hours and was uncontactable at the best of times, let alone if I was upset.

    I'm sorry he still does not realise he was in the wrong, you are completely justified in your feelings xx

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  8. #5
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    You have every right to be upset! You are NOT overreacting. That is extremely selfish and inconsiderate of him. If DH did that, I'd change the locks.

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  10. #6
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    His behaviour is selfish and unacceptable IMO. You need and deserve more support than that. He needs to reexamine his priorities!

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  12. #7
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    I am sorry he did that too you. You have every right to mad, hurt, disappointed and a whole lot more. He wasn't there when you needed him to be even after you had told him you needed him.

    That sort behaviour is never acceptable but in saying that it may have been his way of grieving, hiding out so that he didn't have to feel anything.
    Last edited by LoveLivesHere; 03-05-2013 at 10:34.

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    I would be p!ssed if DF disappeared for 30 hours. He should have been home with you, to comfort you, not getting wasted. Thinking of it from his perspective maybe escaping was his way of dealing with the day. It doesn't justify him disappearing but it may be an explanation.

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  16. #9
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    Ultimately it's not even the fact he didn't come home or whatever that I'm annoyed about. It's the fact that I'm not allowed to feel the way I do about it and he doesn't think he has done anything wrong, I'm just over-reacting and being controlling..

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  18. #10
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    Would he be ok with you going on a 30 hour uncontactable drug and drink bender?

    Yeah funny that.

    Sorry about your bub xxxx

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    PinkSmarties  (03-05-2013)


 

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