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  1. #31
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    Of course it's insensitive. It's implying that a vb is superior to a caesar.

    It really annoys me that anything other than a natural vb is deemed inadequate.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    Exactly. Those of you who don't see cause for offense, imagine if she'd said "Oh only 2, well that is so great because we know the formula feeding rates can be much higher."

    Or "Oh only 2, well that is so great because we know the single mother rates can be much higher."

    I could go on
    The subsitution tests! I actually didn't think it sounded rude, but now that you have subsituted the word I can see that it was.

    Maybe not rude, but def insensitive at the very least.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    The subsitution tests! I actually didn't think it sounded rude, but now that you have subsituted the word I can see that it was.

    Maybe not rude, but def insensitive at the very least.
    Me too. I didn't see it as particularly offensive until words were substituted.
    I highly doubt she meant to make you feel like that OP. not the best choice of words from her

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  5. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by CitrusRain View Post
    This is the exact reason why I refused to go to mothers' group. I don't see what business it is of anyone's how I birth my baby, feed my baby or anything else.
    While I respect your opinion, I do find it sad that this may be why you chose not to go to mothers group.
    I found it incredibly helpful, with quite a bit of guidance for me. Info I was being handed by my family and ILs was antiquated and I relied heavily on literature to educate me about raising a baby. Mums group was a lifeline to me.
    It also put me in touch with a great group of ladies who still keep in touch. Because they know so much about me,I would say I can be more frank with then than other friends of mine.
    I realise this is just my experience, and not for everyone, but I did want to put it out there that mums group can be a positive thing. Also an empowering thing.

    Like a PP mentioned, the nurse needs to know if vaginal or c section to tailor the sessions. No point banging on about vaginal birth if all had c sections and vice versa. She just chose an unfortunate sentence.

  6. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    I think it was insensitive of her to frame it that way.

    A c-section can be a very positive and wanted experience. For many it is their first choice for birth, so to say 'great' if you haven't had one is a little strange - especially in her line of work.

    Many women who've had c-sections are on the receiving end of a lot of negativity and nonsense about them, and therefore it's understandable that some may feel defensive or sensitive about it too. As a midwife, she should have known that.

    It would be a bit like her saying "Who here gave their baby any formula?" (show of hands) "Oh NO!!!"
    Spot on.

    C sections can be positive, empowering experiences, or they may be traumatic. Same could be said for natural births. People seem to often have a need to share their opinion on 'good' or 'bad' birth methods, and don't necessarily consider their audience. There are a whole host of arguments in favour of each - but those are irrelevant when faced with a group of new, tired and possibly raw mums.

    i think PPs are right in saying there is SO much made of birth method - when the biggest thing is whole the life of the hopefully healthy, happy child. It's much like the wedding day vs marriage (rest of your life) argument.

    Dont get me wrong, the birth is important, probably the most memorable experience many if us will have. But it's also not the be all and end all.

    The only other thing I'd add is that my MCHN was awful. AWFUL! She left me in tears every time for the first 4 months. I wasn't what she said, but how she said it and the words she used. So, OP, as with all other professionals and people, take what she said with a big grain of salt.

  7. #36
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    Citrus rain - sad that your mums group seemed like that. I would hazard a guess everyone was putting on a brave face.
    That said, it would be unlikely they had experienced what you had, given you have mentioned it being quite a traumatic time.
    Mums group obviously isn't the be all and end all. You got the support network and "village" from your friendship group. That is the important part.

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  9. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by moongazer View Post
    Citrus rain - sad that your mums group seemed like that. I would hazard a guess everyone was putting on a brave face.
    That said, it would be unlikely they had experienced what you had, given you have mentioned it being quite a traumatic time.
    Mums group obviously isn't the be all and end all. You got the support network and "village" from your friendship group. That is the important part.
    Exactly this. In week 3 I broke down in tears and told a group of then strangers that DD was an IVF baby,I wasn't enjoying motherhood like I 'should be' and DD just wouldn't sleeps during the day = me being a failure. Up until then everyone else just said that they had a good week when we went around the circle which made me feel terrible. After that, three Mums thanked me for my honesty and admitted they felt the same, two others admitted that they used fertility treatment and one admitted she was being treated for PND. One year later, those girls still talk about that and say I brought the group closer together by crumbling that day

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  11. #38
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    You can't control what people say/do, only your reaction. I think this can be taken either way, and you've chosen to take it negatively. From reading this and previous threads from you, OP, you obviously are still upset about your emergency c-section.

    I'm really sorry that you feel this way and I hope over time that this diminishes for you. I don't think that comparing your birth with others, and taking what people say in a negative way can be helpful with the healing process.

    I also found it helpful to know the different ways people birthed, as when I was wondering if it was normal for my scar to still be sore after 6 months I emailed the ladies who I knew had also had c-sections.

    I really hope you get the support you need, and don't give up on mothers group (if you were thinking of it) as it may be a great way for you to start talking about your birth and getting some support. Surprisingly, there is a lady in my group who had the exact same complications during labour as me and its been great discussing the similarities and the differences.

  12. #39
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    Thanks ladies but really as I said, I'm working through/worked through the issues and my focus is my beautiful bub, not how she got here!!!

    I would not give up at all on the mothers group, that was not my thought or intention. As mentioned, I hadn't dwelled on the comment. I was actually in the bath before I wrote the post and the comment came into my head as I was reflecting on the mothers group from the week before and I thought 'oh yeah that was an odd comment.'

    The mothers group is awesome! A lovely bunch of ladies!

    Certainly not lying around thinking about c sections or comments there of. It was more that I know how I felt directly after my birth (I went to a counsellor) and that I hope others for whom it may still be raw didn't/ don't get offended by her comments.

    And that is all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    Pantsy  (03-05-2013)

  14. #40
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    I would have found it a bit inappropriate if it were me in that situation. I mean - ask the question, then she would know if she needs to ask any questions about after care etc. That's it though, no commentary on whether it's good or bad etc. Totally like the substitution with formula.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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