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  1. #1
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    Default Did marriage counselling work for you?

    DH & I have been having issues for the past 12 months and I am at a point where I feel I have said and done everything I can think of for us. We need counselling but I am worried it won't be enough to save our marriage.

    I still love him but I can't live with him anymore. We have 3 beautiful children who are 3, 5 and 7 years old (one with special needs). I am very stressed as I have no job and have been home looking after the kids for the last 5 years. I feel stuck and am very anxious about starting counselling as it will no doubt make things more stressed for a while.

    How did you find it changed the dynamic of your marriage and family??? Is it worth it???

    Thanks for any advice x

  2. #2
    LifeInShadesOfGrey's Avatar
    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    Massive hugs.

    I don't have any advice sorry but I would like to subscribe.

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    2made3  (06-05-2013)

  4. #3
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    I can't say it 'worked' (since he is XH!) but it was definitely worth it. It very quickly improved our communication and stopped the talking-in-circles over issues big and small. We stayed together for a while after the counselling and got along a lot better during that time. I didn't find it stressful, it felt good that we were both actually taking action to try to improve things.

    I don't think the issue for us was the counselling not working, we had been together more than 6 years at the time and having problems for more than 4 years. The issues were just too big and while it took an incident to prompt our split, I could already see that the issues were never going to resolve and that the end was near.

    Your situation sounds quite different, it sounds like you have already had many happy years and that the problems have just developed recently (eg. in the past year). So that makes it hard to draw parallels. I think you would regret splitting without trying counselling more than you would having counselling and then still splitting up. Hopefully though the opportunity to work on your relationship is just what is needed to make things positive again.

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    2made3  (06-05-2013)

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    Counselling definitely improved our ability to listen to one another. It's all very good for each of us to say all we can and hear what we are saying but to listen and attempt change and feel that change is being attempted is something else.
    For us it worked by giving us the tools we needed to stop and pay attention to the way we demonstrate love and affection to one another. To figure out that we were in the same book but on an entirely different page and needed someone else to force us to listen.
    I'll be really honest here, I was not the open one in our relationship and at first I had an awful lot of eye rolling happening as I had to repeat what hubby had just said to me and vice versa and then "make a plan" to do one thing from we had just told each other to happen and more importantly "recognise" it and repeat it with how it made us "feel" out the next session. Unfortunately I had to eat my words, or maybe I should say fortunately because it worked.

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    2made3  (06-05-2013)

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    Thanks ladies xx I like to hear others experience with it.

    I think we will push ahead with it. I just hope it can offer us some hope.

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    We tried it but it was so expensive and only had 6 x sessions. I think we needed more. It did help yes, but I think we focused more on petty issues like him not helping with housework rather than big stuff like improving communication etc. I plan to go back very soon as I think I now have a better idea of what issues need to be tackled.

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    2made3  (09-05-2013)

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    Absolutely helped. Best thing we did. We were talking in circles and getting nowhere and constantly disagreeing and it was just not working. We were miserable. We went for maybe 8 sessions over 3 - 4 months and at first we tried really hard and we ended up trying too hard, so it seemed a little worse in the first few weeks, but then as the months passed and we put stuff into practice things improved. I would say probably 6 months after we started counseling things were a lot better and honestly they just got better from there.

    That was all 9 years ago and we have a super strong marriage and I'm so grateful we went through counseling & I recommend it to people who are going through marriage issues - the earlier the better!

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    2made3  (09-05-2013)


 

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