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  1. #381
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    Hello Dom Girl..........

    You're welcome luv. I'll be keeping my too that this chick works out well for you. She obviously knows her stuff and must be allright if she was recommended to you by your clinic. Other ladies she's helped have obviously given her a good rap, hence the recommendation. Yep, can imagine specialist counsellor's in IVF would be a bit thin on the ground up there and I agree, we IVF ladies need one's who know the in's and out's of it all on an extremely in depth level.

    Yep, can imagine you're stressed out with Xmas and your dad's b'day festivities to organise. Wishing him "Many Happy Returns" for his 80th!! It's all right luv, just breathe!!!! You'll get there eventually of that I have no doubt!!! One thing at a time girl!!! Sounds like it's going to be a cracker of a party!!!!

    I hear you on the "BOO" for your upcoming b'day. As you know, I felt there was nothing worth celebrating when I turned 40 and I can't see that changing anytime soon. Probably wouldn't care so much if I'd already had my family, but every b'day since we started TTC and especially since we started IVF only reminds me I'm no closer to achieving our dream and it's only going to get harder the older I get...Poor pitiful me rant over.....

    However, in saying that, I will be raising a glass (hopefully with something non alcoholic in it for obvious reasons) and toasting to your good health, so there!!!!

    AFM: Am getting to the stage looking for any possible symptom/sign that something's happening as I know I'm in the "implantation zone" for the next couple of days. Got the usual vague bits and bobs going on, but nothing I can't contribute to either the Progesterone or the Pregnyl. Would like some concrete evidence if that's not too much to freaking ask for!!!

    Mind you, in saying that, I remember I didn't get anything along those lines when I had my Chemical until I was 10dpo (am 8dpo today) and as I recall, the only support I was on for that cycle was Crinone twice a day, so will have to keep waiting it out and keeping my I don't know for certain if massage does raise your core body temperature, I'm just assuming it does based on how I usually feel afterwards when I have one, so just decided to give them a miss in the 2WW just in case.

    Ok luv, thanks for the and...every little bit is welcome and much appreciated!!! Must get back to work (one more day to go then holidays......yay!!) but will keep you in the loop as always.
    Hi to all the other ladies......hope you're all travelling well and a big shout out to Kenta....Good luck for tomorrow girl!!! Be thinking of you!!!Until next time........
    Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 19-12-2013 at 14:10.

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    Kenta  (20-12-2013)

  3. #382
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    Girls, - I know I haven't been posting much. Haven't been able to find the right words, and keep deleting them. But regardless of what rubbish I write, I promise I'll post it.

    Kenta, - I hope everything went well today. I've been thinking of you.

    BinB, - I hate this part of the 2ww that you are going through. Even though I haven't been able to get to that stage lately, I still remember the torment like it was yesterday. Please try to stop looking for symptom! Please stop looking at the pinned 3 day v's 5 day transfer, what's going on thread. Or was that just me? - Oh who am I kidding, of course you can't help yourself over analise everything, even though you may wish you didn't.
    And - For some implantation action over the next few days. I still have a good feeling about this one girl . Good luck...

    Dom, - I feel your anxiety. The last thing you feel like doing Right now (even though you want to) is being "the rock". To be on top of it and cheerful, at such joyous an occasion, when all you want to do is curl up into a little ball and wallow in your own self healing. Or was that just me as well? (my wedding and my MC)

    Anyway, I do hope you and your dear dad have a wonderful day at his 80th. And happy birthday to you too And yes, like BinB, I too understand that while we're doing all this IVF rubbish, birthdays (our own) are days we would like to quietly celebrate our birth, but not the fact that our eggs are now a year older.

    Do you mind me asking, where, and on what site/clinic did you look at donor profiles? Everyday I think it (DE) is not for me, for so many reasons, but every night the yearning for another child become greater.

    Em, - I hope your donor journey is going well. Do you mind me asking. Do you have any reservations still, or have you worked through them all? Just a yes/no answer to that one, as its a very personal question.
    I keep thinking, - what/how would I tell the child. How would I feel when they want to track the donor. I can't even bring myself to say biological mother... Would I favour my DS? - That would be awful! What if there is a genetic problem with them. - That would be awful too.

    My DH keeps saying, " we can still try naturally". But now I am becoming sh¥t scared of even getting pregnant with my 46yo eggs, however unlikely that will be. For all the chromosomal issues that come with it. My MC at age 44 from a natural conception still rings loudly in my head.

    I didn't want this to become a me post, but it has. I'm so sorry. Especially to you BinB. You need to here more positive posts right now. But as promised, I'm not going to delete it again. So here goes, I'm about to hit the post button.

    MrsP...

    P.S. still at the IL's, get into our own place (rental) earlyish next year. Don't ask! Hard finding what we wanted, compromised a fair bit.
    And DH is away, but comes back tomorrow. I do find it hard to post much when he's around.
    Last edited by MrsPontipine; 20-12-2013 at 01:10.

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    Kenta  (20-12-2013)

  5. #383
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    Hi Mrs P............

    It's so good to hear from you again although I can see and feel that you're having a really difficult time at the moment coming to terms with the end of your TTC journey.........or are you??

    I'm just wondering if you've had a serious conversation with your DH in respect to the possibility of going down the DE route and if so, is he open to at least exploring the idea?? I'm thinking maybe once you get the Xmas/New Years festivities out the way and you've moved into your new place where you can get back to being a family (plus have room to breathe and think in peace...no offence to your IL's whom I know you love), maybe it might be worth seeking some counselling of your own luv to work through these thoughts and feelings you're having and to see if going down the DE route could work for you and your DH??

    At the very least, it may help you come to terms with moving on in your life as a family of 3 and give you some coping strategies to help guide you through the grieving process that you're obviously going through now Alternatively, it could also help you to work through your thoughts/fears regarding DE's and help you (and your DH) to decide if it's a journey you both want to take??? Will leave it to Em and Dom to give you the "head's up" with all of that

    Nothing you ever have to say is rubbish Mrs P!!! And regardless of whether you're at the end of your TTC journey or not, you're always welcome here (although I totally understand how that could at times be a bitter/sweet experience so understand the need to stay away for your own emotional wellbeing). And just like Dommy, I so very much appreciate you making the effort to post your kind thoughts and good wishes to me when I know you're feeling heartbroken and in emotional turmoil atm.....It hurts my heart that you're feeling this way and I'm hoping you'll work your way through it (either with/without the counselling) and heal that heart of yours asap

    AFM: You're absolutely right Mrs P.....it is me that been looking at the "3d vs 5d transfer" on the boards!!! Sadly, after this many times, I know the bloody thing off by heart, so why I bother, I do not know!!!

    I really wish I could control my urge to "symptom spot", but I just can't so am trying to find other ways to distract myself for as long as I can. I know it's all out of my hands (and it always was, from the minute the "3 Amigo's" were transferred, it was either the end of the ride for them or they kept on going) but I still live in hope I'll get some kind of sign/symptom that'll let me know I'm on my way to a BFP!!! Lord, I'm hoping your good feeling turns out to be true!!!!

    Ok, must go luv. I hope you and your DH,DS and family have a wonderful Xmas. Please think about what I've said and I'll be sending lots of loving, healing vibes your way.

    Quick shout out to all the other ladies........have a great day girls and good luck today Kenta!!! Until next time......
    Last edited by BlondeinBrisvegas; 20-12-2013 at 07:01.

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    MrsPontipine  (20-12-2013)

  7. #384
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    Hi gorgeous girls,
    Thanks for making me feel special and thinking of me today. I just had my scratch, really just pipelle biopsies. It could have been worse. It was uncomfortable during the procedure but it was only for seconds, so really glad it's done and it wasn't that bad. Don't feel any pain now and haven't needed to take any pain killers so so far so good. Waiting for Jan to do our FET. Apparently need an ultrasound to check the follicle and then regular blood test for LH surge. I really hope this FET works as we really don't have any plan ABCDEFGorZ as think we have done as much as we can in the last 2 years to get over the line.

    Dom and MrsP I know it's been tough this month for both of you and have been thinking of you both, I wish you both a happy Christmas and New Year with your families.

    BinB you're almost there on the home stretch. I agree that it's hard to not go crazy reading threads, googling, waiting for the big fat sign of a BFP which is impossible when you're on pregnyl. I've read them so many times my google tells me I already have read them yet I read them after every transfer thinking it means I'll be like them and get a positive because they got what I got. If only it was that easy. Have a wonderful XMas BinB and hope Santa brings the stork to your house

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    MrsPontipine  (20-12-2013)

  9. #385
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    Hi Girls....................

    Kenta: Am glad you came through the scratch unscathed and am assuming you've pulled up A-Ok today?? Am keeping my it has the desired effect when you have your FET in Jan.

    How are the rest of you lovely ladies doing???.........Dom..Mrs P....Emski...Booboo(I know how you are...thanks for your msg)??? No doubt, this close to Xmas, you're all running around like a blue ar*se fly getting last minute stuff organised Have done most of ours thank God!!! Hate facing the hoards of Xmas maniacs out in the shopping centres/car parks and give them as wide a berth as possible!!!!

    AFM: 7dpt3dt......and yes ladies, I'm officially at the "doing my fkng head in" stage. I've tried to distract myself, and stop overanalysing every little thing, but the "Emotional Pendulum" is in full swing today!!!

    I'm see-sawing between "Hopeful Optimism"...."maybe this time it'll work?? Old Mate in the lab did say they were good embies...good enough to freeze" "Are my boobs feeling a bit bigger today?? Was that twinge on my left/right side/in the middle the beginning of implantation??" "Have had a "vague" headache/nausea/crampy feeling for the last 2 days" "Been a bit moody/teary too come to think of it".... and on and on and on it goes, round and round and round in my mind.

    Then the pendulum swings the other way to "Fatalistic Doubt"......"10dpo...should be having some kind of symptoms by now......FFS!! This is going to end up exactly the frigging same as all the other cycles" "All the pings/pangs you've been feeling are nothing but the frigging Progesterone/Pregnyl you silly biatch!! You're on that much of the crap, what between pessaries, gel, pills and injections, of course you're going to get these preggo side effects" "Cramps??? Constipation pain morelike.....talk about wishful thinking...just face facts, this is yet another shi**er of a cycle for you"....and on and on and on it goes, around and around and around in my mind....

    Yep, all this mental/emotional angst is right on course for where I am....Although, I must admit, I've had an absolute gutfull of myself today!!! Of course, I'm keeping all this inside and not telling DP this is how I'm feeling because I know he's going through his own "mental torture" as well and I don't want to overburden him or stress him out etc which is silly and not the way to go, I know, but for now, I'd rather carry the burden of my paranoia and insecurity on my own until I know for sure what the go is.

    Ok my lovelies, sorry to be such a downer today, but you all know me by now...call a spade a shovel and all that Am sure things will look better tomorrow

    Hope you're all having a lovely weekend and until next time.......wave:

  10. #386
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    BinB, - Thinking of you

  11. #387
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    BinB hope you're well. I understand everything you say as I play the same games with my mind and DH tries to be rational with me which doesn't always help so I guess keeping it to yourself is a good strategy. Guess you are coming down to the home stretch now of your 2ww and I have everything crossed for you that you don't have to go through another 2ww torture.

  12. #388
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    Hi Girls..................

    Just wanted to quickly stop by to wish you all and your families a very "Merry Christmas" and a "Happy New Year". I hope you all have a lovely day tomorrow

    Thanks Mrs P and Kenta for your support and kind words. Am at the tail end now(13dpo), but things still aren't looking good for me I'm afraid I've had on and off cramping quite similar to AF since Sat (10dpo), in fact it was rather strong on Sat to the point I was on "undies alert" looking out for her even though it was way too early for her to show up. Cramps haven't been as bad since, but still on and off. No other real symptoms happening I'm sorry to say (besides some "vague" headaches etc but nothing concrete...no frequent urination, no sore breasts etc) Told DP I think we're out again this cycle to start preparing him for the worst Would've loved to have shown him a BFP on a HPT on Xmas day, but that's not going to happen (and I'm not going to spoil the day for us either)

    Anyhoo girls, must go. Last minute bibs and bobs to organise before tomorrow (just have to get the last of the food in this morning). Have a wonderful Christmas day everyone and until next time..............

  13. #389
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    Hi all,

    sorry I haven't been in for a while.
    BiB you know what? All those symptoms at this stage sound bloody good to me. I got hideous over the top AF symptoms 5dp5dt in my BFP cycle so don't lose all hope. I know where you're coming from though, but hang in there! I'll be thinking of you over the next couple of days.

    MrsP I'm more than happy to respond to your questions: Em, - I hope your donor journey is going well. Do you mind me asking. Do you have any reservations still, or have you worked through them all? Just a yes/no answer to that one, as its a very personal question.
    I keep thinking, - what/how would I tell the child. How would I feel when they want to track the donor. I can't even bring myself to say biological mother... Would I favour my DS? - That would be awful! What if there is a genetic problem with them. - That would be awful too.


    Do I have any reservations? I'll tell you once I pressed the button to commit to our donor all the 'what if's' came out - but I think that's only natural - there are always going to be reservations. This is going to sound stupid but when I got my BFP with my own eggs - all the reservations came out 'am I too old for this - will the child resent me for getting pregnant so late in life? etc. ' so I don't think it matters how you get there, we are always going to find things to question about the process. I do know that if I want a healthy baby in my arms by next Christmas the best odds for achieving that is donor eggs.

    I also don't want to go through what I've just gone through with my natural BFP again, with the low betas, feared ectopic, low heart rate then no heartbeat over a 9 week period. I just couldn't face that again and I have no doubt that would have been caused by the age of my eggs and something chromosomally abnormal (still waiting on the results). Of course there can always be something wrong with a donor pregnancy but the risks and complications are significantly lowered.

    What will we tell the child? We'll tell the child from the youngest age possible - that another woman provided the seed so that we could grow a baby. You know I grew up with a Grandmother who had no toes - no one thought anything of it in our family and as kids it was 'just one of those things' I never thought it was strange until I hit about 16 and I went 'hang on a minute, nana's got no toes!'. I also have a sister who was given up for adoption (secretly on my mother's behalf) and I only found out about her when I was 18 - so I have had a first hand look at the emotions etc. involved in a situation like this - I've spoken at length with my sister about the emotions she went through. She said to me, as a kid, as long as you know you're loved you can get through anything. I know it's going to be hard in the teenage years - but it's just something we are going to have to deal with. I have no qualms in seeing a child psychologist etc. throughout childhood to help with any issues that come up, but honestly I don't intend to make it the focus of the child.

    MrsP it's a very personal decision and I guess no one can make it for you - but if you want another child my advice would be to go for it with donor eggs. I've never read one post from a mother saying she regrets using a donor. For us the other option was adoption, but that is impossible at my age so we won't even attempt that - and I feel that donor eggs are a better choice anyway as DH will be genetically linked to the child and I will have carried the baby. I've felt a weight lift for me since making the decision - sure there's a lot of nervousness too, but for the first time in a long while there is a lot of hope and excitement about this upcoming cycle.

    Kenta love - I hope like crazy this upcoming cycle is it for you!

    Hello to Booboo and Domiffy

    Merry Christmas to you all and I'll pop on here in the new year - there's not much happening for me until the end of Jan when my doctor is back from leave then it will be all systems go in a short amount of time.

    Merry Christmas everyone! Em xx

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    Kenta  (24-12-2013),MrsPontipine  (27-12-2013)

  15. #390
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    Hoping AF stays well away BIB, fx thinking of u. Thanks em, Wishing u all a Merry Xmas and hoping 2014 is a good yr for those still waiting. Still running around trying to do last min shopping, can't wait to sit on the couch take care all x


 

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