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  1. #1
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    Default Have I really changed?

    Ok so just a question without going into detail.. If your partner of only 3 years tells you that you change when your around your family.. Would you think thy your actually being yourself and you chnge when you with your partner? I'm 25 years so I would think I'm changing when I'm with him! What do you think?

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    we all change when we are with different groups...not total personality change but behaviour.

    I am diff at uni than I am when I am at mothers group...I am different with the school mums and am different again with the karate mums and then again with family...and diff with my family to I am with DH's family.

    I would find it more weird if you were exactly the same everywhere you go.

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    Yeh i know you do change a to some degree But he says I change in a bad way! He doesn't like my family anyway and hates my sister and bil and I've become less involved in my family as a result. I barely talk to my sister who only 2 years ago we were like best friends. Hmm

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    I think its normal behaviour to 'change' demeanour depending on who is around you.
    One might be more boisterous when with friends or more low key when with the grandparents.
    Btw my DH tells me the same thing! when my parents visit us from overseas they usually stay for weeks at a time and he's forever said that I turn into a baby when mum's around. I dont think I do... I let her cook coz I miss some of her dishes and I let her help out around the house which I consider hardly regressing to childhood. So youre not the only one and I think its perfectly normal.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mum2mj View Post
    Yeh i know you do change a to some degree But he says I change in a bad way! He doesn't like my family anyway and hates my sister and bil and I've become less involved in my family as a result. I barely talk to my sister who only 2 years ago we were like best friends. Hmm
    see, this sends a worry through me that he is isolating you...and that can be a tactic of abusive men.

    How is your relationship with your DH? Is it good? Is he supportive of other friendships?

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    Wondering why he would say that OP, it's a bit nasty. Is he a possessive type? Or just came up in conversation?

    I think it's a real shame you are no longer close with your sister - why is that? Because if your husband? This rings warning bells to me because it sounds like he is trying to isolate you from your family rather than support your relationship with them.

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    I agree with PP's it's not a nice thing to say and sounds a tad like emotional manipulation to me. We all change in different situations, who cares.. unless you have an ulterior motive for caring, like putting a wedge between you and your family. I would ask him - why are you telling me this?

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    We all change to some degree around different people, it's natural.

    That's sad you are no longer close to your sister though op. I get not everyone gets along with other people, df and my dad have had words over the years but they always put it aside and make an effort with each other at the end of the day. Its what families do.

    I hope you are able to establish a good relationship with your sister again.

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    I don't think it can be decided it's emotional manipulation just from the very small amount of information. I have friends and have had partners who, to be honest, turn into right asshats around their family, so I refuse to be around them and their family at the same time.
    Is this what he means, OP?
    Or does he just have an irrational dislike for your family?

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    Agree with all PP - it's natural to have different behaviour for different groups.

    It sounds as though he is trying to put a wedge between you all, since he has an issue with your family. He perhaps is trying to see a negative because of the way he feels about them.


 

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