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  1. #1
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    Default Fathers rights

    Can people please share with me info/links that explain a fathers rights with a newborn, if the people were separated during pregnancy...

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    I guess it depends exactly on the circumstances but generally they still have equal rights.
    My friend that went through courts, her ex got supervised visitation for a few hours once a week, then twice a week eventually overnights then whole weekends and half of the holidays.
    There was a history of DV and drug use though so that may have impacted on the frequency and length of visitation initially.

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    HarvestMoon can I ask how old the child was when she was expected to let them go for a whole day/overnight?

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    Have you seen the PDF booklet called 'Me, My Ex and My Kids?' It has guidelines on what sort of visitation is suitable for all ages from birth and I've found it helpful with my DD and her dad (similar situation I think, split up before DD was born).

    It's very amicable with my DD's dad, and we started off by supervised visits weekly from when she was born (often met at cafes etc). She started staying overnight at about 13 months. Hadn't planned on overnight stays so soon but I got sick one weekend and couldn't look after the kids so FOB took her and DD coped just fine, and has happily been staying there every second weekend since (she's now 18 months).

    I think it's important for the father to be involved if at all possible, as long as there are no safety issues.

    FOB ended up meeting another woman and marrying her, which actually worked out really well because she's very lovely and I'm so glad that FOB can provide stability for DD.

    OP, what are things like with your unborn baby's father? Do you get along at all? Was it an amicable split?

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    I was given that booklet prior to do mediation. I think the suggested over nights visits are not appropriate for such a young child. My DD did not have over night stays until she turned 2, and then it was only once a fortnight.

    You also need to take into consideration things such as breast feeding etc.

    It can be a very stressful time so take it easy and try not to over think things. I went through so much cr@p with FOB and in the end he packed up and moved to Canada. All that worrying over nothing!

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    Quote Originally Posted by flyawayfree View Post
    HarvestMoon can I ask how old the child was when she was expected to let them go for a whole day/overnight?
    Tbh I would have to ask her as her girls are now 8 so it was a while back but from memory I think it was around 12 months.

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    I've been using that guide Harvestmoon suggested too. The recommendation for overnight stays is not until at least 12-18mths. Of course this can vary with different circumstances, like breastfeeding.

    DS2 is only 8wks but I don't plan on him having an overnight stay until at last 12mths. The only reason I'll consider it that young is because DS1 is already staying there, so may make the transition easier at the time. We shall see.

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    Thankyou all for the info, I actually had that book but forgot about it and it has made me wonder if DS might like some more time with his dad.
    Also great to think about what is best in the future for bub and her dad.
    If I said I wanted him visiting in my home and not taking her until 6 months, how would that go with his family, could I say they are welcome during his visit time too?

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    Quote Originally Posted by crankyoldcow View Post

    If you are breastfeeding, he wouldn't be able to have the baby for long periods of time anyway. I *think* the recommendations for small babies and toddlers is small frequent visits. I personally would never send a child overnight before the age of 3.
    i find it so interesting and sad that so many women have the idea in their heads that they are allowing ''their'' child to spend time with it's father, how about the father allowing the child to be with the mother, no one ever seems have that to add, you would not be sending your child somewhere they would be with their father, the person other than a childs mother who should have equal rights,
    I have only quoted you because i find it interesting people having this opinion, please do not take it personally, i am in no way having a go at you just frustrated at the way people think, especially in this case where the child is not even born and has not yet formed a routine or bond with either parent it saddens me that people think the rights should automatically go to the mother.
    OP i do not know you, your EX or your situation but if your babies father does want to be involved in the child's life i strongly urge you to think about how you would feel if it was reversed and you were told you can have a certain amount of time with your child each week ''small frequent visits''
    a mother and father should have have as much right as each other to be equally involved in their child's lives.
    DP and i have discussed and in the very unlikely event we were to ever break up we would share custody of our children equally, i know how i would feel if someone told me i was only allowed to spend a few hours each week with my child and it breaks my heart thinking about it, i know that is how DP would feel and despite what ever we felt for each other if we broke up we would not let that affect out kids.
    I hope everything works out for you, i can imagine it would be a very stressful situation to be in.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to littleolive For This Useful Post:

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