Single Parents - how do you do it?

**Gribel** · 10-11-2006 12:05

Hi

I'm a single mum - not working - and am wondering if any other single parents are doing it as tough as me?

I went from a really well paid job to being a SAHM (by choice) cause I thought with the Centrelink payments AND the Child Support I was doing well. Unfortunately I was proven wrong, since DS Dad decides to pay whenever he pleases and never pays the full monthly amount, so I'm left stranded with $630 per fortnight, $430 is Rent alone, the rest has to cover groceries, bills, etc.......

IF i get the CSA Payments, i see that as a bonus.( Yes, I am on the phone to CSA constantly, but can't seem to get any help from them)
Still, living on a minimal income has added enormous stress and depression.
If it wasn't for the help of my mum and wonderful friends, I don't know where i would be....

How are you coping / surviving?

I am looking into part time work, but with DS on the waiting list for child care and me not wanting and can't palm him off to my mum to look after, i'm at the end of my wits......

**belinda** · 10-11-2006 12:09

oh belinda i just want to give you some

hope all gets better soon... Im not single but i do know that MONEY is just SH!t and it does cause depression and stress....

**MrsDribbleDrawers** · 10-11-2006 13:31

to you... until six months ago, I was a single mum for seven years. It is hard, but I always focused on my DD. I was a SAHM for the first year, studied for two years, then combined part time work and study for the last four years... and even with the extra money, it wasn't always easy.

Chin up, remember to talk to your family when you need helpl, even if it is someone to help with the housework occasionally... Looking back, that was the thing I always forgot!

Have you thought about taking in a boarder to help with rent expenses? Maybe a uni student during semester (only 26wks a year), just to help out a little bit?

Good luck, keep smiling.

Cate

**Mum2Bug** · 10-11-2006 23:14

to you Belinda. As a single mum i understand how you are feeling. I dont really have and advice though as I have always grown up without any money and just continued that type of life on as my own when my partner and I split.

Good luck to you though. You are such a strong person and you can get through this.

**LilShenanigans** · 10-11-2006 23:57

Just a question, does centrelink know the amounts the ex is paying (or not paying)? They should be keeping your payments on a balance with CSA, and in my position they fluctuate a lot depending on how much I receive from CSA.

Lately, I've noticed my electricity and gas company has been incredibly supportive and polite during another one of those rough patches. They welcomed me putting back bills so I could pay them off, and usually ask for an approximate date that you feel comfortable with for it to be due.

I'd agree also with getting in a boarder, student sounds great as it's usually short term. But with that you'd have to be very strong and stand your ground if anything goes wrong with them (not paying, eating everything etc).

Also, I noticed lately I used to shop at woolies/coles and I tried desperately to lower that bill, but only managed by about $50. Then I took that same grocery list to franklins and am saving anywhere from $100-$150 per shop. It's an idea at least.

Can't say it's all smooth sailing... I always make sure the rent is paid, and there's food/nappies/drink and everything else for DD before considering anything else! Companies can wait, they don't mind... they know they will get paid!
And if you've forgotten to buy yourself dinner, I'm sure the wonderful support network you have would welcome you into their homes - I know my bestfriend is offering to cook me dinner, my grandmother brings over spag bol, my dad keeps me at his house until AFTER dinner etc lol
Maybe a touch of creative talking works in my favour somedays too

Oh and geeze I've rambled, but because your on the phone to CSA a lot, do you ask for receipt numbers (or whatever) to be reimbursed for the call? It wouldn't seem like much if calling them once a blue moon, but it can add up!

**Gribel** · 11-11-2006 09:24

Hi All

thanks for your

and tips...

The thing is, I AM already sharing - with my mum, we have a rather huge house and i like it that way - i tried sharing with someone else before and it just didn't work out. I would feel totally uncomfortable having a stranger here. But thanks for the idea though.

Even though I am sharing with my mum, I am the one coughing up the bills. She does help out, but since I am the one using the phone and the Internet, it wouldn't be fair on her to make her pay for that.

I shop mostly at Aldi, for my nappies and the majority of my groceries, I buy toiletry items at the Reject Shop and hardly buy Luxus Items or ME things.

I too make sure that I always have enough Nappies, Milk, Fruit and Food for Ds in the house, and i know my mum ususal cooks more for us to eat with her.

Like I said, i know if DS Dad woud finally pay up - my payments are getting adjusted at the end of the financial year by Centrelink - I would have a smooth run and all most of my problems would

I guess I just need to get my act together and see his payments as added bonus?

Thanks all again for listening

**the_queen** · 11-11-2006 09:35

Firstly: do you know where your ex works? Mine won't pay but I told CSA where he works and they collect it from his employer.

Secondly: are you receiving rent assistance from Centrelink? Like MumForOne suggested, you can go on the "disbursement method" whereby you declare each fortnight how much child support you've received, and they pay you accordingly. The only problem with that is that if he ever pays back the arrears he owes you, then I think you have to pay back Centrelink.

Thirdly: Some things I would do in your situation are: move to a cheaper place to live. Moving is a hassle, but think about how much you would save if you were paying half the rent you are now. Cloth nappies - no need to go the expensive set-up costs of MCN, just get a pack of terry squares and some PVC pilchers. No need for napisan or soaking either, just wash like normal clothes (but with only half the washing powder) then hang them in the sun to sanitise them. Do you accept charity from places like The Salvo's? Food parcels, etc? It's time to swallow your pride and ask for help from places like that. I refused to for a long time - then someone said "they are there to help people like you" so I realised that it was foolish not to. The electricity companies, etc, usually do some kind of concession arrangement, where if you have a concession card you'll get a discount. And if they've got a payment card, that's a great way to do it - it's a swipe card, and you take it into the post office each week, and pay $20 (or whatever you can afford) and then when your bill comes it's pretty much all paid off already!

Food co-ops? I used to shop at a food co-op before husband started paying child support. It's cheaper, they usually have free bread there (frozen, but bread is bread) and they have other ways of helping out people in need.

**Gribel** · 11-11-2006 10:41

I've been loking at the Rental Market, and there is not much available for what I need in my ideal price range. I would save maybe $20 a week on rent, that is not worth the hassle of moving into a smaller place.
And I can't move further out than I already am, since I have no Car and rely on public transport.....