Jemellabeth: Your story is similar to mine in terms of failed IVFs, not ready for DE, trying adoption, being told you were too old and then turning to DE overseas. It seems you got really lucky falling pregnant naturally with your son! That's great. When I was trying in my late 30's, it never happened for me. Had I known I had old eggs, I would've started trying to conceive ten years earlier but I just figured I had plenty of time. NOT!!
I am 47 and I wish we had made our decision re DE 6 years ago when we were first talking about it. When my doc first said you have to use a donor, it was 2007. It was after surgery, 3 IUIs and IVFs which failed. We were absolutely not ready. We did another IVF cycle with another clinic and got the same result. They too said you must go to DE. We were not ready.
We took time off from meds, monitoring, cycling, etc. After about 2 years, we talked earnestly about adoption. I was ready. DH was very iffy about it but agreed to go ahead. I started making appts to see adoption lawyers and go to agencies, etc. We found out it will cost $40,000 to $50,000 at least and take about 3 years. We were also told that if we wanted an infant with no health problems and/or a white baby, it could take longer and cost more! (Didn't know each baby had a price tag on its toe...)
What I learned about adoption shocked me. First, all the hoops we had to jump through to be "approved" and then hope and pray a birth mother selects you if the agency would even take our case because we were too old..... Then, the cost depended on the type of baby you wanted. One person actually told me that if we were interested in an African American baby with risk factors (ie Mother had alcohol or drug problem, etc.), it would be much "cheaper" and a special needs child could be had in 6 months for like $10,000. Are you kidding me? I could not believe the racket it seemed to be.
I eventually found what had appeared to be a good situation with a birth mother through a private adoption attorney in another State. That situation ended up falling through for a few reasons but mainly because birth mom's attorney sends over her medical records and she is a smoker, has family history of mental illness and had a drug problem just prior to getting pregnant. This was not disclosed at the outset. Our attorney goes over all the risk factors, etc., this brings with it and DH totally freaks out and does not want to proceed. We backed out. Back to square 1.
DH starts telling me that he's thought about and if we had our own child that had issues, that would be one thing and of course we'd deal with it but to go through years of hell, pay upwards of $50,000 and then knowingly adopt a child that could have lifelong problems was too much for him and he did not want to adopt anymore.
More years pass and I start freaking out that my options are just about gone now and I cannot believe that that is it - no children. I have serious regret and am struggling. I start thinking back about adoption and looking into international adoption and one night I was online and I stumbled on an article about embryo adoption and that lead to stuff about DE and a a woman who was pregnant at 52 through DE she had in Greece. I started researching about DE overseas and found this thread and the rest is history!
So here I am at the last resort so to speak. I've got a bit over 2 years under Greek law to make this happen. DH was reluctant at first, as I wrote about, thinking our ship had sailed and that it was too risky for me at my age to carry a child. But we talked about it alot and he came around finally and spoke to Dr. K who eased his mind quite a bit. (They spoke in Greek so I am not sure of all that was said, but after he was on board!) He now feels very excited. I think the fact we are going to Greece and he is Greek (from Greece not American Greek) makes him feel even more comfortable too. He told his brother and his wife and she has a friend who is 50, pregnant through DE from Embryoland. I did not even know that. It was total coincidence and it certainly helped sealed the deal for us to to try and to use that clinic.
I believe things happen for a reason and I believe this all happened the way it did for a reason. I did not stumble on to a thread talking about DE in Spain (and there are threads about it of course) or even Czech, another popular one. I stumbled on a thread talking about Greece, a place we go all the time, where my DH's whole family is, etc. I've been immersed in Greek language, dance, culture, etc. for the last 20 years of my marriage! I now find it ironic it may be a Greek donor and clinic that leads me to being a Mother! I do think this was meant to be - if its going to be. Just sorry this all didn't happen sooner.
Sorry for the long post! Getting back to the initial issue re menopause, I was having periods up until April. So its early stages for me, assuming I am menopausal. Dr K told me we need about 3 cycles prior to the DE cycle so that does put me at end of Aug/early Sept which is when I originally wanted to do it.
I am praying all goes well and keeping my fingers crossed too!