yes and do you know how MANY times I was told just dont do it with MY addiction?
Save your skin, save your muscles, save the blood you loose from it, save the forever disfigured body, save the HEALTH problems it DOES cause, save yourself from the risk of infection, hell many times also save your ****ing life.
Addiction doesnt work like that, addiction has you shaking so hard you can (and often do) vomit, it has you SO tense everything in you SCREAMS for release, you get so anxious you cant even think straight let alone behave in a logical manor,
It has you sweat, your gut feels so so sick, then you shake and you quite possibly vomit, it reaches a point that you cant even THINK about anything but that thing
It is never as easy as just dont do it, if it was addiction wouldnt exist, if it was I wouldve saved myself the pain, the physical HURT from not doing my addiction and I just wouldnt have done it.
DO you think addicts LIKE this? do you think when they try to quit and they regress and for one sweet second their world is logical and normal and SANE then the guilt of failure kicks in, the fact that they are hurting their loved ones (and usually themselves) do you think they dont KNOW the dangers of their addiction? they enjoy it?
The release is amazing, I will always have my addiction despite not doing it for 7 years, 7 years and I wear the damage from it, I am injured from it, I know the danger it carries, the side affects it causes and just how ****ing stupid of an act it is but still to this day I struggle AT LEAST weekly with these urges, I get so on edge I have trouble breathing, I find it hard to focus, I feel so anxious and nervous that I cant even THINK straight and all the while my stupid brain is saying do it! do it! oh sweet release just give us what we need
And in times of high stress (like being pregnant) it takes every single ounce of strength that I managed to build from 2006 when I quit to 2009 when I first got pregnant,
It took me MONTHS to break it, MONTHS of second by second, minute by minute fighting, months of saying well I regressed today but I will try again tomorrow and tomorrow I will aim for 2 hours / 2 days / 2 weeks etc etc etc,
It was a constant **** fight with the demon in my brain that STILL cries for that release,
I am horrified when I remember what I've done, horrified and yet at the same time when I THINK about these things I get a happy feeling as well, my body remembers the release it gave me so while I am horrified at what I have done to myself for my addiction at the same time my gut drops and I think oh **** just once more (except its never just once more)