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  1. #131
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    Yep I judge! No doubt about it.

  2. #132
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    Quote Originally Posted by London View Post
    It was meant to be a bit of a joke.
    Like I said too f--king tired.

    But I think you still made a fair point.

  3. #133
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    I haven't read through all the posts, but I do. I would never say anything though.

    In general I don't like smoking, for various reasons but main ones would be watching my grandma die slowly of emphysema and my other grandma have a severe heart attack and heart problems from second hand smoke. After her first heart attack her doctor told her she had to stop smoking because her lungs were black, she never smoked a day in her life, her partner was a chain smoker.

    After you loose a baby it's hard not to look down on somebody who is pregnant doing something that has been proven detrimental to their pregnancy. I also have a feeling now of nothing is worth it. I was laid back with my last pregnancy, a slice of Brie, a glass of wine at a celebration, rare but I did it. To me now, none of that stuff is worth it. That piece of cheese or glass of wine was not worth the feelings of guilt and worry that it was my fault that my baby died.

    I understand Beebs point that people can't stop doing things because of somebody else's loss or infertility. But it's very hard not to judge somebody doing something that is proven so harmful to their baby when you would do anything to have your baby back. It turns into a thought of 'why do they get to keep their baby and I didn't?'

    Also, unfortunately no one will understand these thoughts of nothing being worth it until they suffer a loss or have trouble conceiving.

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  5. #134
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Don't get me wrong I loathe smoking - my mother has had crippling respiratory problems her entire life because she was raised by parents who smoked and she has paid the price (as did they by dying early of smoking related illnesses).

    And I also don't get the pregnant woman smoking in public if that is the only one or two she has each day - but to me it's like shouting at an overweight person for eating junk food. No amount of judgment will really make them change - it will only make the person isolated and bitter.

    I guess I was really surprised by people who admitted they smoked yet still judged others - I honestly find that very strange. I would like to think my failings make me more compassionate not less.
    I admitted I smoked but never whilst TTC, pregnant and breast feeding.
    I don't find that strange that I'm not compassionate towards those that do because I find it pretty simple suck it up for your unborn baby.

    If the health of your baby isn't foremost then I just don't get it! It's absolutely the best way to quit weather it is permanent or not, it gives you drive and determination when you know you have a being grown inside you that depends on what you put into your body.

    And I agree with others I don't get why pregnant women smoke in public.
    Out the front of supermarkets , walking down the street, at a park!!! Really!?
    And I'm the same with that in regards to smokers who aren't pregnant .
    I'm a private smoker, no one else needs to be sucking up my bad habit.

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  7. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by London View Post
    I smoked while pregnant with DS. I suddenly was aware that this was infront of a packed out pub and everyone was suddenly looking at me, 8 months pregnant, smoking away and all of them were pretty much like this Was very embarrassing.

    .
    Did it motivate you to quit, or was it more like what the midwife told a previous poster, that shaming never works?

  8. #136
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    London is offline “I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves" - Betty White
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trio View Post
    Did it motivate you to quit, or was it more like what the midwife told a previous poster, that shaming never works?
    Nope, didnt motivate me to quit. Shaming doesnt work. I didnt quit smoking until about 4yrs ago...DS is 8yrs old.

    ETA: I will say however, that DP quit smoking a few months after we found out we were pregnant on his own accord.
    Last edited by London; 24-04-2013 at 20:44.

  9. #137
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    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    I try not to judge the woman on a personal level. I really wish every woman could quit smoking for the health of her baby but unfortunately that simply isn't always realistic.

    Smoking is an addiction. And a hard one to quit. Anyone who has smoked and quit knows how blardy hard it is to quit (especially if you smoke a lot). I did manage to quit smoking when I was pregnant, doesn't make me any better than someone who doesn't just lucky that I could manage it. It also doesn't mean I care about my baby more than someone who simply can't quit while they were pregnant.

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  11. #138
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    Yes I do judge them.I am a smoker myself...its a **** habit to have. My 1st pregnancy I was 21 and my Mum smoked and told me it wasn't too bad,we all survived.My 2nd I sucked it up and got my **** together and prob had a cig every 6 weeks.I have a friend who smokes a pack a day while preg and I don't agree......its too much esp as she keeps telling me the midwives are saying she might have an early baby AGAIN.wonder why???? Im not perfect,I couldn't kick it completely when I was preg,I STILL CANT! I hate those who have never smoked and think its sooooooo easy.

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    Like I have said previously I am a former smoker and did smoke with my first 2 children but it was 1-2 smokes a day at the most. Does that mean I love my children less then a mother who managed to quit completely? No it doesn't. I have also lost 3 babies but I don't look at people who don't look after themselves and judge them, right after I lost my 3rd baby my sister fell pregnant and smoked as normal (up to 15 a day) I didn't resent her in any way or begrudge her what she had because she loves that baby just the same as I loved mine in the end that is all that should matter. In the end as long as parents shower their children with love, kindness and is not abusive then someone's personal choices is no ones business.

  13. #140
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    I also asked a dear friend of mine who has also lost multiple babies and had failed ivf attempts and is still fighting to have a baby what her point of view is on the subject and she said "Your belly your business"


 

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