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  1. #1
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    Default So lonely

    I'm so lonely and it's making me really sad. DH is meant to finish work at 5 (and would therefore be home at 6) but he never gets home before 8.30pm these days.

    By then I've done all the housework, cooked & eaten my dinner (I'm not eating dinner at 9pm) and got everything ready for the next day. I seem to need a lot of sleep so I usually go to bed at 9.30 or 10pm so basically have next to no time with DH at all in the evenings. He just says he has to get the work done....

    We do spend some time together on the weekends, but also seem to spend a huge amount of time with family (particularly his) and going out and about doing errands etc.

    I don't really have many friends, and those I do have work late all week (mostly shifts/casual etc) or start early the next day and therefore don't really want to do stuff after work. And they all just want to go out and get wasted on the weekend & I'm not really into that anymore.

    I don't drive and the public transport is **** so it's virtually impossible for me to get anywhere, so I can't even really go out anywhere. Sometimes on ADO's I go out by myself which is ok, but would be better with friends.

    DH & I are constantly fighting about how late he gets home from work and he just doesn't get it. He thinks I just want to spend time with him & that I'm getting angry cause he's always at work. Of course I want to spend time with him, but also I just want to spend time with SOMEONE. And given it's easiest to spend time with him, I find myself getting really angry when he gets home so late.

    I also have an anxiety disorder so it makes it really hard to join groups etc (if I could even get there without driving).

    I don't know what to do anymore.

    And I'm really scared that when we have kids this will still be happening (DH at work till late at night etc) and I'll basically be a single mum during the week in terms of raising the child, and I definitely know how lonely I'll be then. And again, he just doesn't get it.

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    you poor thing! this sounds horrible!
    I understand your loneliness as DH and I are currently living in a foreign, non english speaking country. I am suffering majorly from the loneliness disease. The only thing that I can think of that would make my life easier is if my cat were here. I can't change the "no friend" situation whilst I'm still here and it doesn't sound like you can either. Maybe invest in a pet of some sort? They're such good companions just an idea

  3. #3
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    Is it possible to get a job even part time?

    Is it possible to join a group for socially anxious people? I don't know where you are but Perth has one, check out meet up groups and look for your area...

    I think you should really make an effort to get some sort of life happening for yourself, sitting at home on your own waiting for your husband to get home must be awful....and very lonely....

    It doesn't sound like you are getting much out of the relationship...he sounds a but selfish...

    I think you should just look at improving your life,,get out..maybe do a short course...don't sit around the house lonely...

  4. #4
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    It will still happen when you have kids, unless you put your foot down now.
    My DP was a complete workaholic for a few years until I told him in no uncertain terms that i wasn't going to put up with it. If he came home from work when he was meant to, he would still have a job. If he kept coming home at 8/9/10 o'clock he would not have a partner forever. If you are married, remind him that you guys made vows. I'm not married, but i did tell DP that we are a family, and when you have a family, your family ALWAYS comes first.
    But aside from that, you really do need to find some friends where you are, you can't rely on your DH for everything. Do you work? How about after work drinks with some of your colleagues, or see if there's a company mixed football or netball team if you're a sporty type. Or even a league at a local sports centre. The good thing about team sports is you don't really need to make loads of conversation if you're a bit shy.

  5. #5
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    Thanks everyone.

    I do have a job, but given that I finish at 4pm (and it's five minutes walk from my house) & DH get's home at 8.30pm that's where the loneliness problem comes in.

    I've tried putting my foot down but he says he has deadlines and has no choice otherwise he will lose his job. I'm sure that's true, but still...............

    I find after work drinks or whatever hard because we can't do that at work (not allowed) and I can't get anywhere afterwards as I don't drive - I could get a lift there with a colleague but I can't expect them to drive me home when they all live in the other direction.

    There are a few things I'm interested in doing, sports/group wise, but I literally can't get there. One is on the other side of town and will involve about three buses and walking in the dark alone.

    I'm trying my best to do a short course at the moment actually, but it's an online one so I just do it at home.

  6. #6
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    I know you said you don't drive, but maybe a job would give you something to do. You would also get to interact with people and possibly make some new friends.

    Sitting home alone all day just waiting for DH to get home can't be to much fun




    Mummy to DD 21 months
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  7. #7
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    Oh just saw you do work. Sorry.

    Are you able to get your drivers license?


    Mummy to DD 21 months
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    Do you have a craft hobby or something? What about finding something you could make and possibly sell on eBay to keep yourself busy?

    I work full time with two kids so spare time is non existent for me (unless I choose to stop, like I am now, in which case a chore gets neglected)...but if I did have spare time I would be seeing clothes or other pretty things as I love making stuff.

  9. #9
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    Lolakitty I am really trying to be able to drive but I have a severe driving phobia. It's really hard and scary but I'm trying.

    I do have hobbies & things I do at home (short course, trying to learn the ukelele etc) but sometimes I just want to get out of the house and do something with other people.

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    Hugs!

    I feel exactly the same, but I'm usually the one late home, but DF is already in bed and when I do see him he's angry/not talking to me! I can go for days without talking to anyone really!

    I have no advice really, but know exactly how you feel. could your organise to see a work mate/family member once a week for dinner rather than yourself? Do any of your work mates play a sport you could tag along with and get dh to pick you up along the way home? Perhaps see if there's anyone on here with a group to join (not sure where you are)

    Xx


 

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