+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    7,053
    Thanks
    6,263
    Thanked
    5,481
    Reviews
    4
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a weekBusiest Member of the Week - Most posts for the week ending 5/6/2014

    Default Stop telling me to get over it!

    If one more person tells me to "get over" my fear of giving birth or to just "focus on the positive" I may just lose the plot entirely.

    I am 32 weeks pregnant with #3. At 38w with #2 I suffered a placental abruption and had an extremely scary, mismanaged dangerous delivery that resulted in a PPH, me almost stopping breathing when I was in labour, and giving birth to DS2 whilst he was posterior and brow presentation, causing 2nd and 3rd degree tears.

    I am utterly terrified of giving birth. So much so that I cant even focus on holding my baby in my arms anytime in the near future because that means I have to go through it all again.

    And anyone I open up to about my fears either makes a smart a$$ comment like "well its too late now you have to do it" or they tell me that it doesnt matter because DS2 and I were ok in the end, so how he got here doesnt matter - we both could have died from what we went through, I dont think its unreasonable for me to feel afraid!

    I am just so tired of being made to feel like I am being stupid for worrying or that I am over reacting.

    Sent from my GT-I9305T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Perth, Western Australia
    Posts
    1,914
    Thanks
    364
    Thanked
    1,502
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts


    What a horrible thing to say!!

    I suffered a full placental abruption as well, and being completely terrified of birth (or even pregnancy!) afterwards is totally understandable.

    I hope everything goes smoothly for you and that everyone involved in the birth is particularly mindful of your previous experience xx

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    1,464
    Thanks
    1,970
    Thanked
    522
    Reviews
    14
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I agree with pp, is this something you can discuss with your OB?

    Perhaps putting together a really clear birth plan that addresses the issues you have been through previously will help you feel confident that they will not be allowed to occur again?

    In regards to those who are dismissing your feelings and fears, perhaps you should let rip at them....maybe then they will "get" how stressed this is making you feel 😉

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    2,940
    Thanks
    357
    Thanked
    1,490
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Sending big hugs, I went through the same thing, with DD I had a scary birth I won't go into details but we are both lucky to be alive, with DS1 he was premature so I was terrified he wouldn't make it and lucky I had a good surgeon for my csection because I nearly bled out. My next 2 pregnancies I miscarried 3 babies, so I was extremely nervous when I had DS2 especially since I developed cholestasis and had to prepare for the very real possibility that both me and bub would bleed out. Yet every time I tried to talk to someone they either said "you are worrying for nothing" or "don't be so dramatic" in the end I lost it on DH and told him to shut up and let me talk about my fears and try be supportive. I think people find it hard because they can't imagine anything bad happening because it hurts them to much. Feel free to pm me if you need someone to talk about your fears, I will let you vent it all out.

  5. #5
    SuperGranny's Avatar
    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    sunshine coast qld
    Posts
    6,246
    Thanks
    4,673
    Thanked
    2,850
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    hi peanutmonkey, have you booked a c-section delivery? that way when anyone makes a comment, you can just say, bub will be born on this date, and all will be well. I wont say you are foolish for worry, I can understand, but I will say that 'worry ' is a waste of energy. You cant help how you are feeling, but you can stop sharing that feeling with everyone. Only speak to those who will support you. Good luck, Marie.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Perth, Western Australia
    Posts
    1,914
    Thanks
    364
    Thanked
    1,502
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperGranny View Post
    hi peanutmonkey, have you booked a c-section delivery? that way when anyone makes a comment, you can just say, bub will be born on this date, and all will be well. I wont say you are foolish for worry, I can understand, but I will say that 'worry ' is a waste of energy. You cant help how you are feeling, but you can stop sharing that feeling with everyone. Only speak to those who will support you. Good luck, Marie.
    With respect, a) it is impossible to say "all will be well", which is part of the issue with having experienced prior traumatic birth, and b) telling someone who has suffered a severe trauma that worrying is a waste of energy is coming close to being as hurtful as saying "get over it".

  7. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to GM01 For This Useful Post:

    beebs  (22-04-2013),Mathermy  (22-04-2013),Mumma Needs a Wine  (05-07-2013)

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Brisbane North
    Posts
    4,461
    Thanks
    1,581
    Thanked
    1,803
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    huge hugs, take one day at a time i guess and try not to listen to anyone. a bit hard i know. i wish u all the very best with this birth and hope its a much better experience.

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    4,141
    Thanks
    1,606
    Thanked
    2,115
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I agree with PPs suggestion to (try) to just talk/listen to people who are actually supportive. I am gobsmacked that you're getting those comments but can only guess that perhaps discussing it makes them feel uncomfortable (a bit like how hard it is to know what to say when someone dies) or just simply because they cannot even fathom what you went through as it is just so far from their own experiences in life.

    I think it's very reasonable that the idea of birth is making you very stressed. While I had an emergency CS due to fetal distress, I don't consider my birth to have been overly traumatic. Yet, also at 32 weeks, I'm having to really start facing the reality that I am going to have to get this baby out somehow and even I, without past significant trauma, usually think "Oh, sh!t" and would probably be tempted to punch someone if they commented "too late to back out now".

  10. #9
    SuperGranny's Avatar
    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    sunshine coast qld
    Posts
    6,246
    Thanks
    4,673
    Thanked
    2,850
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    hi, i was feeling my post might be taken as abrupt, I didnt mean any offence. I was trying to suggest ways for peanutmonkey to deal with others, not to tell her I thought her feelings were invalid or anything. I thought if she was not dwelling on the past, and not sharing her bad expeirence with people who just dont matter, she would be able to manage the stress better. I understand how terrible her last birth was, and I wanted to guide her to ways of dealing with it so it becomes less of a shadow over this next birth. Sorry if I have upset anyone, and sorry if I have upset peanutmonkey, hugs, Marie.

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    SA
    Posts
    462
    Thanks
    72
    Thanked
    254
    Reviews
    0
    Hun, you have every right to be afraid and worried! It is not something you can just switch off because someone tells you to. I even had my counsellor tell me to "just get over it", yeah great job she did!
    My advice is to try to find comforting and supportive people who will listen to your concerns and understand your feelings. They are hard to come by but even if these people are in the online world on here, at least you will have some virtual ears to listen to you.
    Also, try to have as much control over this birth as possible. Write a birth plan, book in for a c-section if you feel that would help, organise positive support people, etc. That way hopefully you will feel a bit less anxious about it.
    Feel free to pm me anytime if you want to chat


 

Similar Threads

  1. DH not telling me he had a sick day.
    By babycake in forum General Chat
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 22-10-2012, 20:06
  2. Telling everyone
    By Bonkers in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 30-04-2012, 08:47

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
sales & new stuffsee all
Be In Blossom
Keen to up the intensity of your exercise after having your baby but unsure how? New physio-led Bootcamp Workshops aim to bridge the gap between low and high intensity training, teaching ways to reduce pelvic floor load in gym and bootcamp settings.
featured supporter
Baby Car Seats and Infant Car Restraints
Buying a baby car seat? Check out our 'go-to' links here!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!