I have the same issues. I just send dd to her rook. sometimes its all i can do.
I have the same issues. I just send dd to her rook. sometimes its all i can do.
It's great to see all the discussion about rewards, but not one person has mentioned consequences. Rewards only go so far, children learn that they can consistently get away with bad behaviour as no consequences are enforced. Be consistent and have consequences, it might be loss of a toy or tv for some time,but when rewards fail look at other options!
Sorry some have said some consequences, that's good to see just make sure you follow through!
Also with the reward thing, if it works to a small degree well you could have small rewards and big rewards. The small rewards are like stepping stones to the big ones. Ten stickers and you get bookclub. Ten more and you get to play xbox for an hour. (or whatever). But after ten lots of ten you get to have a sleepover or a trip to the zoo or something. May keep the motivation up? Along with removing stickers for undesired behavior. Could be a consequence.
After my big talking to her!! My DD settled down and was back to her pleasant self for the rest of the day! Her currency is her computer, as she loves to play games and listen to music on it.
My DD is usually worse after coming back from her Dad's house. So we have a better week before we start again after coming back from her Dad's house the weekend coming.
How is everyone going?
Cheerilee, Oh I understand what you are saying. It is always hard to find the right balance when you share custody of children.
We had similar stuff with my step daughter. Because she came and visited her dad every 2nd weekend, she would be a right royal little cow, because she knew she wasn't around long enough to have to face the consequences of her behaviour.
But we also found our DD, would also have behavioural/ adjustment issues with her syblings coming and going. As when they weren't around she was an only child, but when her brothers and sister would come to stay, she would have to go back to sharing mum and dad.
I went to bed feeling like crap and my DD must have been feeling bad too as she decided to put herself to bed at 6.30pm after being banished to her room for bad behaviour from dinner time onwards. She came into our bedroom about 5 times and was still awake by 9pm. So in the end I went in and layed down with her in her bed for a while and we cuddled and whispered for a little while. She seemed to go to sleep after that.
But each day is a new day and new slate and all. This morning she was back to her old behaviour, but she settled down on our walk to school.
I have to reply to this- and as horrible as this will sound- it is SO great to read this lol-
We have an 8.5 year old son, and a 7.5 year old daughter....
We don't have any issues with the girl- but our son- OH. MY. GOD.
I am ready to adopt that one out lol.
The attitude is unbelievable...
He has always been fine, but lately it has been way too much for us to handle.
Even at school, the teacher has pulled us in and spoke to us *Cries*- I HATE that. I hate that it is now going into his school work, and what surrounds that.
I said to him the other day that I hadn't belted him in a while- perhaps that was the issue.
We have taken his tv off him, and grounded him for a month- because two days ago, as we were in the kitchen redesigning things for our business- and he snuck out of the house, and went to a friends.
He KNEW we were working(this was after school- at about 3pm).
He did so well, we didn't even know he had opened the front door.
He strolls back in when one of us had picked up the little teine from Preschool and just says "Hey..."
He had already asked that afternoon if he could go to a friends, and we said no. That he was to stay at home that day because we had my sister and her wife down from Townsville, and they were on their way over.... Yet he STILL snuck out.
We sat him down the day after, explained the tv thing, the dvd player thing, the grounded for a month thing- it was discussed that until he decides to start listening to us, and us not having to repeat ourselves 850 times(or so it feels like)- that he will NOT be allowed any of his stuff, nor will he be allowed to go over to his friends places in the afternoon and ride around etc.
UGH- it's extremely frustrating, and i DESPISE questioning my parenting so much.
Damn kids, lol.
(Sorry- that turned out to be longer than expected!)
Dh and I are having the same problem. Dd won't do a single thing unless she gets something out of it. Today she didn't even want to get dressed properly because it was "just" Nanna and pops house we were going to. We repeat ourselves dopant times a day I end up giving up and ignoring her silliness half the time.
When she misbehaves we ground her from playing with her friends in our street, from her friends at school coming over, playing computer, watching movies. Nothing seems to be working ATM. When she is good and does chores she gets rewarded with staying up, pocket money, dessert if she eats all her dinner etc. but she only does it until she gets what she wants then doesn't do it again. So far the thing that is working best is cutting down her bedtime. Her usual bedtime is only 7 pm, if we get sick of arguing with her, it goes down half an hour. The other day she was in bed at 530 pm. And if she is extra good for a few hours and helps out, she can earn back a half hour.
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I have an 8yr old DD that is being a right little pain!!
I originally thought it was jealousy over her new little sister, but maybe not??
She argues with me constantly & behaves like a spoilt brat as soon as she's not the center of attention. I spend at least 2hrs with just her and I every afternoon, but it seems the more one on one time she has with me the worse she is when she has to share me.
She also clues on to the reward system very quickly and will ask "what will I get?", I want her to behave because it's the right thing to do not because of what she'll get.
At school she's an angel, caring & kind.
Sorry for hijacking, but I don't know what to do. If it is jealousy, will I make it worse by punishing her?
I am glad to have some more company here, but sad to read you are all going through it too.
2mummas3bubbas, big hugs, it is so dissappointing when you get called into the school and have to listen to someone else tell you your child is misbehaving.
would have been a bit of a scare to find your son had disappeared.
Don't appologiese, you need to vent to and it's okay to not like your child sometimes. Parenting is hard work.
Niki, sometimes the hardest part is finding the right currency. Finding what works to achieve what you need. Sounds like the bedtime thing is working. Fingers crossed it keeps working
Smilies, from what I have read this is an age and stage thing, just like the terrible 2's. Sounds like you doing great at balancing a new baby and your daughter.
I think that is the key, balance the consequences with praise and hopefully you will end up praising more than consequences.
I think we all need to acknowledge though that if we didn't love our kids as much as we do, we wouldn't try so hard to help them grow into the best people they can be.
At the moment our little cherub is behaving a bit better.
We have a white board and wrote up a list of jobs, when she treated us badly we would write 1 next to the job. Meaning she had to do that job for one day. Just kept adding numbers till she got to 7, we would add another job.
worked for a few days then she gave up as she was getting more and more jobs.
So I think it got to the point of, well I am getting heaps of jobs so who cares about adding more.
So then we changed it. If she answers back or talks rudely, she goes to her room for a few hours or till dinner time or if dinner has happened then its till bedtime.
She hates it and it (so far) has put an end to the back chat. I praise her every time I hear her or see her make an effort and talking to us right.
She still has to help out around the house, with drying the dishes or setting the table. If she answers back or argues it is off to her room.
We talk to the kids about our family being a team and that you can't play soccer with just one or two people. So as part of our team, we need to help out with the jobs and then mum can spend more time playing games with them (the kids).
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