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  1. #11
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    My husband doesn't bring in any income. It's tough on mat leave, which for me ends soon. The plan for me was to take next year off without pay, but I've started to resent the idea of burning through my savings when DH chooses not to work. So I will be going back part-time. It wasn't our original agreement, but I'm going to be a bish and renege. Savings that took me years to accumulate through hard work are kind of sacred to me!

    So, yes, it's the source of some tension here.

    Very different scenario to you, OP, but I do understand the tension and stress you are feeling. I believe you have the right to ask your DH to seek out work as part of his business ie swallow his pride and email friends/acquaintances to see if anyone can throw work his way or else seek other employment. Does he have hobbies/pastimes you finance? Maybe they have to go...

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    BubbaMummy  (21-04-2013)

  3. #12
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    αληθη is offline BH name read as Aleethee
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    My dp brings in about half of what I do. It's hard and super annoying that he has to rely on me I would much rather love being more equal and not always have to whip out my wallet for us/him. The only thing that helps me is having a budget and sticking to it. My situation still really annoys me but since having the budget he has to put in as much as he can (so pretty much all his money too) which makes me less annoyed that he is putting in everything of his as I am.
    The only thing I can think of besides a budget to double check where all your money is going (I was so shocked to where mine was going) is having a proper chat with your DH and perhaps make a job arrangement for him while you have young children dependent on you both or a better business plan for his work to bring in more money.

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    BubbaMummy  (21-04-2013)

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    Quote Originally Posted by BubbaMummy View Post
    Stretched,
    Thanks for your post this does sound exactly like us. Only prob is he had a deadline ( that he set himself) and now its been and gone and he's not kept to it. I want to say something but i dont want to be responsible for making him stop when he's just about to finish and then blame me for having to get a job he hates. It makes me feel a bit trapped in that i cant say anything. It would make me feel heaps better knowing there's an end point but the end point has been and gone and nothing has changed.
    I went through this exactly, in fact I think I posted here asking advice quite some time ago about it, because I was facing having to be the 'bad guy' and essentially giving him an ultimatum. Thankully it didn't really come to that as it started to become clearer to him that he just could not make his business work as a financial viability.

    One thing I do find helps is, whenever I do need to talk to him about finances/timeframe for him wrapping things up, I always start the discussion with something along the lines of "You know I don't like to need to talk about this because I know no one puts more pressure on you than yourself, but....". Because that is the truth of it, I know he feels 10 times as stressed about it as me, I know the feelings of failure that he is facing (I've tried unsucessfully to set up my own business in the past, pre-DH), but these things do still need to be discussed.

    Good luck, it's not an easy thing to go through.

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    BubbaMummy  (21-04-2013)

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    Thanks everyone it makes it a little easier to deal with when u know you're not the only one with similar probs. I will have a think about your suggestions. Thanks again.

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