+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    13
    Thanks
    23
    Thanked
    1
    Reviews
    0

    Default financial /relationship issues

    Does anyone else have a dh with little to no income? How do u deal with it?

    dh has his own business from home but hasnt had any income for a number of months which means relying on my income which is now low as im on maternity leave.
    With a baby it it extra stressful as i want to provide a good future for my baby and all finances are on my shoulders.
    It is effecting our relationship as we cant do things as we cant afford it. It's becoming quite a strain on the relationship. I get very frustrated having all financial responsibility on my shoulders and not knowing when or if we will be able to improve our finances. Living week to week is stressful!
    Not sure what to do.... Anyone else in similar-ish situation?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    190
    Thanks
    10
    Thanked
    18
    Reviews
    0
    GOD YES! My husband is an electrician and there is a HUGE shortage of work since Campbell Newman cancelled a lot of the projects in Brisbane. I'm lucky in the fact that we have a three yr old and I've been able to take full time work but we have had to pull her out of day care to save money and we still can't afford all of our expenses just on my wage. God knows how we are going to pay the mortgage next month. It is a huge strain on our relationship. It's hard not to feel begrudging towards him. I feel like he justs needs to find ANY paying job but what do you do when all you know is a trade that is not hiring. Trust me, we have applied to every job that comes up and have heard NOTHING. I'm coping a lot better this time around (compared to last September when it all came crashing down). But I just can't believe we are at this stage in life when everything seemed to be plodding along perfectly. We have had to put off having our second child and at this stage it looks like we will never afford another bub (which is heartbreaking). I can't see a way out of this and we are having to take each day as it comes. I know a few people in this same situation which helps a little but still doesn't help me sleep at night. Big hugs - money is evil and cause a lot of relationship problems. I'm fighting with myself daily not to take this all out on him but I can't help feel sometimes that it is a little bit his fault... It feels good to get it all out though. Confide in a girlfriend - don't keep it bottled up or you will continue to drive a wedge between you both.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to katybobady For This Useful Post:

    BubbaMummy  (20-04-2013)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    4,395
    Thanks
    160
    Thanked
    704
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I could have written your post OP, definitely feel for you *hugs* I am about to go on mat leave, until march dh was on workcover after having surgery in December for a work injury. He was cleared to return and his work didn't dismiss him as such but they did tell me they had no intention of giving him shifts because of his claim. I am taking it further but its by no means a quick fix or instant solution. So I've been applying like crazy for jobs for him but not getting anywhere. He's not eligible for centrelink as he's not on the permanent part of his partner visa yet. It drives me nuts coz he's the one that gets whingy about not having money whereas I just sit here and silently suck it up and deal eith it.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to mrstuilawa For This Useful Post:

    BubbaMummy  (20-04-2013)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    9,881
    Thanks
    3,044
    Thanked
    5,846
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    We are pretty much living on just my wage at the moment.

    DH has a casual job nights/weekends which is really well paid but he is getting hardly any shifts due to a downturn in the industry coupled with a rival company taking some of their work.

    I think it'll be tight for a few months & hopefully things will slowly pick up. It's been a great arrangement up until now, because DH has been able to care for DS in the day whilst still bringing in an income.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Mod-Degrassi For This Useful Post:

    BubbaMummy  (20-04-2013)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    4,109
    Thanks
    1,604
    Thanked
    2,085
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    This is exactly our situation.

    DH also runs his own business and works 100+ hours a week on it (so a 2nd job is not an option), but has not been able to draw a wage for this entire financial year. We have actually had to cut into our savings to pay his employees and keep things going.

    Last year was OK as I could work enough to keep us in the black, but since Jan I've not been able to work as much and I'm now stopping work so the only money coming in will be parenting payment (all while he's still running at a loss). We're very lucky to have a house deposit half-saved, but this is getting eaten into very rapidly, which gets disheartening for us both.

    He's made major changes to the business throughout the year to try to get it to run profitably and as it's very much him "chasing his dream" I have been happy to support him for a certain amount of time. But we have basically had to put a time limit on just how long it can keep going like this, and when he will call it quits.

    I would recommend the same, sit down with your partner and work out together how much longer the business can not earn money and any factors to take into account such as a big contract in the works etc. Then if it does not turn around by the deadline he needs to accept that he has tried, but now is not the right time for his business and he needs to get a job.

    Having a timeframe makes it easier for me to cope with day-to-day, eg I know it will not be like this forever.

    Also, I make sure that DH knows that I am not saying he has to give up on his dream completely, certainly at another stage in our life he can try again, but right now having children is a #1 priority for both of us and this does mean depending on his income during that time.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Stretched For This Useful Post:

    BubbaMummy  (20-04-2013)

  10. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    703
    Thanks
    262
    Thanked
    299
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    This is why DF is in a job he hates because the money is good. It doesn't make it any easier because he is never home so we can never really do anything as a family.
    He would like to leave and change jobs, but it would mean a massive pay cut (which he isn't prepared to take, though I'd be happy for him to just be happy!) and its really a catch 22. Can't win. Hate the job but get good money, or get crap money and love the job. Can't seem to have both because everything has it's sacrifices, huh?

  11. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Rarity For This Useful Post:

    Albert01  (21-04-2013),BubbaMummy  (20-04-2013)

  12. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    2,878
    Thanks
    350
    Thanked
    1,434
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    We fight over money but in a different way, DH has a job where the money is excellent but he works long hours and is very tired when he gets home so our fights are me telling him we can move and he can get a lower paying less stressful job and it would be ok we would deal with it.

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to loodle For This Useful Post:

    BubbaMummy  (20-04-2013)

  14. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    13
    Thanks
    23
    Thanked
    1
    Reviews
    0
    Yes, i have spoken to him about it and he knows the burden it's put on me. H feels guilty and bad about it. He/we can't get centrelink payments for him as i earnt too much this financial year. Next financial year might be a different story but i sincerely hope it doesnt come to that. I have suggested a parttime or casual job but he wants to finish up the work he is currently doing so that he can get a good fulltime job soon (and give up on self employment for now).
    But the problem is how much longer will it take to finish up. He's been finishing up this last job since christmas i would be happy if he would get a casual or parttime job but i dont think its going to happen at least until this last job comes to an end.

  15. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    13
    Thanks
    23
    Thanked
    1
    Reviews
    0
    Katybobady,
    Yes it is hard trying not to be angry about it and trying to be supportive! It makes it harder in a way because most of our friends are doing really well -financially -houses, cars, holidays.
    We have our beautiful baby who im greatful for everyday. Love my bubba soo much! I just want the best for my baby, and i guess for myself aswell! :/

  16. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    13
    Thanks
    23
    Thanked
    1
    Reviews
    0
    Stretched,
    Thanks for your post this does sound exactly like us. Only prob is he had a deadline ( that he set himself) and now its been and gone and he's not kept to it. I want to say something but i dont want to be responsible for making him stop when he's just about to finish and then blame me for having to get a job he hates. It makes me feel a bit trapped in that i cant say anything. It would make me feel heaps better knowing there's an end point but the end point has been and gone and nothing has changed.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Fertility issues = Relationship drama.
    By PixiDarling in forum Conception & Fertility General Chat
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 16-02-2013, 14:42
  2. Relationship issues
    By Veritas in forum IVF
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 16-01-2013, 18:52
  3. Possible relationship reconciliation? Financial trouble :(
    By PeppermintPaddy in forum Single Parents
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 20-10-2012, 21:31

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Springfree Trampoline
Give the Ultimate Christmas Gift Springfree Trampoline
The World's Safest Trampoline™ is now also the world's first Smart Trampoline™. Sensors on the mat detect your every move and your jumps control fun, educational and active games on tablet. Secure the Ultimate Christmas Gift today!
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
The Health Hub & Glowing Expectations
Glowing Expectations is conveniently located at The Health Hub in Darlinghurst. We offer pre & post natal personal training, small group pregnancy exercise classes, flexible mums & bubs sessions, massage, & naturopathy in our air-conditioned studio.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!