View Poll Results: Do you feel at all 'better' than those who have different fathers for their children?

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  • Yes, totally

    9 14.06%
  • A little

    10 15.63%
  • No, not at all

    45 70.31%
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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kelly8329 View Post
    The choice to get pregnant to someone in the moment over and over again.
    It's one thing to be with someone and make the wrong choice in falling pregnant (planned or not) , then to make that choice again and again.
    But how many people do you know like this? Seriously, where do you live? I don't know of anybody like this and although I'm sure it happens but I think it's a very smsll minority of situations. I think life's more complicated than that specific scenario also... It's so far-fetched.

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by MeetTheBluths View Post
    But how many people do you know like this? Seriously, where do you live? I don't know of anybody like this and although I'm sure it happens but I think it's a very smsll minority of situations. I think life's more complicated than that specific scenario also... It's so far-fetched.
    As I said I know a few. 1 is a friend of my mothers, 2 is a friend I know of from school and 3 is my cousin.
    I am only talking about this scenario any other scenario is irrelevant to my post so I don't see why I am being attacked for describing one scenario I feel I do make better choices in.

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I understand you.

    I don't feel better than someone just because their kids may have different fathers. Hell someone with 2 different baby daddy could be someone I admire as they are a better person than me.

    But when I see a woman, with 3 different baby daddy, who continually has a kid within a short time frame (under a year) and splits with them within a short time frame.... Then yep I do think Im better ... At making choices. I have a friend who has 3 kids to 3 different men and they are gorgeous kids and she's got a great DH now. But hell yeah she made some dumb decisions in her life regarding men.

    So I suppose I *may* judge someone, but because of the choices they make rather than the fact their kids have different fathers. If I don't know why their kids have different fathers then I can't judge.
    I do somewhat agree. I know a few women that continue to make really bad choices. One is in a long term relationship and they just keep getting pg, having abortions and having more kids that she doesn't take care of. For the record I blame both of them. Another is a woman that has lots of kids to different fathers. One to an ex, another which was conceived while she cheated on him. Then another to a one night stand. Then another 2 to a guy that had a wife and she keeps trying to trap (and I blame him too, not just her).

    But then clearly by my 2 examples couples in long term relationships make bad decisions too....

  4. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theboys&me View Post
    Ms Truth - sorry if my post seemed directed at you, that wasn't my intention. I just meant from my personal experience I cringe a little inside when I hear others making massive statements when they are obviously in a great place because I see my old self in them.

    I work with children and I (and my exH) used to constantly reflect on the fact that our children would 'never' be disadvantaged by coming from a broken home (hence my internal cringing as in hindsight I know see the other side of the fence needn't be disadvantaged). Also my sister was separated and it was a little ugly between her and her ex in regards to the kids and my exH and I while still together talked about our feelings and how that would 'never' happen with us.

    What I'm getting at is that it never entered my mind for a millisecond that this was in my future. I would've bet my life on the fact that my exH and I were going to grow old together. I don't believe in the perfect couple either - but since our split others have referred to viewing us in this way. The worst part of it is that my exH was my favourite person in the world. I felt safe and secure, thought I was so fortunate to have someone so like minded. I thought I knew him inside out - right up until the moment I find out he was having an affair with my best friend while I was pregnant with our second child. Not a hint of trouble. Not a change of direction outwardly in our relationship. Not a loss of affection or sexual relations. Just one day we were the same as always - and then I found out and we weren't. There's not a lot I'd end a marriage over either. But that one did it for me. I still can't believe the 'my husband' could do that.

    I love seeing people in love though. I love seeing the innocence of people who don't even have to question things ending (I wish I could get that feeling again one day). I love people wanting to put in an effort to make things work and striving towards keeps their marriage in tact despite difficulties along the way. Just in real life I feel a little apprehensive towards those making declarations of things they'd never do in the future - when they really have no idea how things with pan out. I hope that no one has to experience what I (and others) have, but you never know where you're headed so I've learnt not to be too head string in terms of what I view as appropriate or better or worse than myself because in the past I most certainly cast my judgement on those I deemed less fortunate than myself. When in hindsight I had no idea I'd be joining the queue at centrelink and realising I'm much more fortunate now that my head is out of the clouds.

    Sorry to derail OP - but just wanted to explain my post as not to offend.

    Thanks Pesca!!! You got it in one
    I did not take your post and being directed at me

    I hope that you can find that type of love again

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  5. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by faroutbrusselsprout View Post
    This is how I feel.
    I AM that girl that made dumb choices. It's embarrassing.
    I should never have had a child with the person I did.
    The human brain isn't fully matured until about 26 years of age so I think it's understandable that young people sometimes make unwise choices.

    On the other hand if I see someone turn their life around, be a great parent and have a good crack at it, I'll judge in a positive way.

    I think we've all made dumb choices. I've made some corkers. Perhaps that's another spin-off!!

  6. #56
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    I think it's not the multiple fathers - or multiple mothers - but actively trying for more children in unstable circumstances, or if they don't intend on taking responsibility for their children, or having another baby to fix a relationship.

    Circumstances change and not all pregnancies are planned, but some people - few are far between because I think the vast vast majority of parents are trying to do the best by their children - just don't seem to think beyond their own immediate wants and somehow don't get that a baby is a long term, full time commitment. Or consider how that might impact their older children.

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  8. #57
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    I used to judge, yes. My parents are still married after two kids, both sets of grandparents got married, had kids and stayed together. I have four sets of aunts/uncles, all of these only have kids to one partner. When I was young, I associated having kids to different parents as 'lower-class', or 'bogan'. FOB has three siblings, the eldest has 5 kids to 4 women, the second has two kids to an ex, and is talking about TTC with his current partner, the third has three children (2 dec) to two partners.. I used to think it was like Jerry Springer. I have since realised life doesn't turn out quite like you plan. I have one child to my ex, I never thought I wanted/would have children.. I never thought I'd be a single parent, and I never wanted to have children to different fathers. As I've grown up a little, I really don't see the issue. Clearly I think some of FOB's family have made disgusting choices but I don't think the same applies to all parents who have children to different mothers/fathers. I think I would feel 'better' about my situation if I had fallen in love, got married, planned and had babies to an amazing person and lived happily ever after, but things don't work out like that. If the children are well taken care of, and their parents have a chance to actually be happy, safe and supported then I don't really see what there is to judge? (I cannot press 'enter'.. )

  9. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    The human brain isn't fully matured until about 26 years of age so I think it's understandable that young people sometimes make unwise choices.

    On the other hand if I see someone turn their life around, be a great parent and have a good crack at it, I'll judge in a positive way.

    I think we've all made dumb choices. I've made some corkers. Perhaps that's another spin-off!!
    Lol Yeahhhh jasper is evidence of that.

    I mean I could very easily under different circumstances have had him alone at 21 and no way would that have been it, shut up shop, and never meet anyone and not have any more children. Though I did find it annoying when back then people were all "oh that's good of him" that my df stayed with us. Like good on him not leaving Me for getting pregnant with his baby - cheers.

    But I mean more like the woman who lived next door to us a few years ago who complained when docs took her kids away and her biggest gripe was that she couldn't afford to live on newstart and loudly bragged she'd just get pregnant again to get ftb. I'm comfortable saying I'm better than that.

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  11. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boobycino View Post
    I think it's not the multiple fathers - or multiple mothers - but actively trying for more children in unstable circumstances, or if they don't intend on taking responsibility for their children, or having another baby to fix a relationship.
    Yes! this is what I'm trying to say you just said it better Even on here I shake my head at women getting pg in relationships, often deliberately, that are completely unstable, financially, emotionally, in every respect and I just shake my head. I'm sure I'll be beaten with sticks for saying that, but there it is...

    I completely get people change. You start dating someone, fall in love, get pg, then he or she turns into a turd and the relationship ends. I'm not talking about those instances. I'm talking about people whose relationship is clearly in trouble, or they can't pay the bills or he's just cheated on her and they are ttc
    Last edited by delirium; 20-04-2013 at 11:11.

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  13. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Yes! this is what I'm trying to say you just said it better Even on here I shake my head at women getting pg in relationships, often deliberately, that are completely unstable, financially, emotionally, in every respect and I just shake my head. I'm sure I'll be beaten with sticks for saying that, but there it is

    I agree!


 

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