View Poll Results: Do you feel at all 'better' than those who have different fathers for their children?

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  • Yes, totally

    9 14.06%
  • A little

    10 15.63%
  • No, not at all

    45 70.31%
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  1. #131
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberleygal1 View Post
    I totally agree with all you have said.

    For me, dh and I were together for years before planning a family. We knew each other through and through. We had a happy, healthy relationship and marriage well before bringing someone else into our lives. I never for a moment expected my husband to change when we had kids and he didn't, why would he?? I knew dh was the man I wanted to be with and he would be a wonderful father to our children. Our marriage has and will always sustain anything because its the type of relationship we have.

    So, Am I better than anyone else? No I'm not necessarily but I do believe I made better choices and am grateful for the life I have.
    I understand what you are saying, and I hope you are lucky enough to always feel that way. I remember the feeling all too well. But I do think it's a narrow minded view.

    My exDH and I were together nearly 10yrs, 6 of those before we got married & 8 before DS1 arrived. We had travelled the world, moved interstate, worked together for 5yrs and went through IVF for DS1. Finally, my DH was adamant about giving his kids a stable home, because he never had it growing up. I think it's fair to say we knew each other quite well & i was 100% certain he would be a wonderful husband and father. People commented that we were one of 'those' couples.

    But then he had an affair. While I was 4mths pregnant with DS2. Then I found out she is pregnant too. Pretty sh!tty situation all round now one would say.

    But I no longer blame myself for a 'poor choice', or for choosing the wrong husband or father for my children. I now understand he changed, which I could never foresee happening. His own family and friends are as shocked as I am. No one saw this coming from him.

    So whilst it's fabulous to always think positively, and I will continue to do so, people should really also be aware that life doesn't always go to plan. People do change and not always for the better.

    Sorry for long post....this topic is close to home for me!

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  3. #132
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    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesca77 View Post
    But I no longer blame myself for a 'poor choice', or for choosing the wrong husband or father for my children. I now understand he changed, which I could never foresee happening. His own family and friends are as shocked as I am. No one saw this coming from him.
    This is a great point. People whose marriages are intact can't give their choices full credit. Your partner's choices are just as important, and unfortunately these cannot be controlled or predicted (although I'm sure some will argue they can be...).

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  5. #133
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    Not in the slightest better

    Things in life happen unfortunately that are out of our control and can change a relationship/marriage in an instant.

    I'm no better having a good marriage and same father to both kids - i just feel lucky I don't have to deal with the complications than can occur with having a blended family.

  6. #134
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    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    This is a great point. People whose marriages are intact can't give their choices full credit. Your partner's choices are just as important, and unfortunately these cannot be controlled or predicted (although I'm sure some will argue they can be...).
    thank-you for articulating it better than me

    I made what I thought were good, solid and reliable choices for my life. But I couldn't control his poor choices (which incidentally he now regrets, but too late).

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  8. #135
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    I don't feel better, but I possibly might have it a little easier in that I dont have to worry about the kids when they're with the other parent?!?!

    I also don't give it any thought, except for a couple of people I know that do have a bit of a hard time.....

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    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    This is a great point. People whose marriages are intact can't give their choices full credit. Your partner's choices are just as important, and unfortunately these cannot be controlled or predicted (although I'm sure some will argue they can be...).
    I 100% agree with this. In some ways I actually think my DH is more committed to making it work than I am as he knows as the male he will see less of his children if we were to ever separate, and for him that would be hell on earth.

    I'm not saying I'm not committed, not at all, but after working in family law for a few years many lifetimes ago I take nothing for granted and know not every marriage or partnership is forever, and that people (even great people) can change. I heard so, so many women in Pesca's situation telling the same story (or versions of the same story) over and over again.

    So no I'm not better, I'm just incredibly grateful for what I have but I also know anything can happen in the future.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesca77 View Post
    thank-you for articulating it better than me

    I made what I thought were good, solid and reliable choices for my life. But I couldn't control his poor choices (which incidentally he now regrets, but too late).
    Sorry to de-rail..... But WTF?!?
    He regrets it!?
    Good grief, he is a piece of work....
    Are you ok?
    x

  11. #138
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    Quote Originally Posted by faroutbrusselsprout View Post
    Sorry to de-rail..... But WTF?!?
    He regrets it!?
    Good grief, he is a piece of work....
    Are you ok?
    x
    Thanks I'm actually doing ok. Her pregnancy through me off track, but I'm now focused solely on my boys and not him.

    Yep, he isn't happy about the next baby on the way. This is not what he planned - he ran away from his responsibilities to have some 'fun'. He's now financially screwed for the next 18yrs.

    Karma can be a b!tch

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  13. #139
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesca77 View Post
    Thanks I'm actually doing ok. Her pregnancy through me off track, but I'm now focused solely on my boys and not him.

    Yep, he isn't happy about the next baby on the way. This is not what he planned - he ran away from his responsibilities to have some 'fun'. He's now financially screwed for the next 18yrs.

    Karma can be a b!tch
    So glad you're doing ok. Whta a mess he's made for himself. Am I correct that he ran off to have fun because he felt your second baby was too soon? And now he's going to have 3??

    Jeez, some people.

  14. #140
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesca77 View Post
    Thanks I'm actually doing ok. Her pregnancy through me off track, but I'm now focused solely on my boys and not him.

    Yep, he isn't happy about the next baby on the way. This is not what he planned - he ran away from his responsibilities to have some 'fun'. He's now financially screwed for the next 18yrs.

    Karma can be a b!tch
    Good for you!
    Wonder if his pregnant GF knows about his feelings!


 

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