View Poll Results: Do you feel at all 'better' than those who have different fathers for their children?

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  • Yes, totally

    9 14.06%
  • A little

    10 15.63%
  • No, not at all

    45 70.31%
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  1. #101
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kelly8329 View Post
    Making choices
    When I see couples who are together for the "sake of the children" and the entire family is miserable I would have to agree, I made the far better choice to separate from my son's father to pursue happiness for us all.

    I find it strange that to some I would be a 'better person' should I not have had my son...because I'm not with his dad. Screw that.

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  3. #102
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    I will admit that having a child with the ex was a dumb thing to do. It wasn't planned, but it happened... and perhaps could have been prevented with a little more brain-power... but it happened and bleh.

    I'm cool with making mistakes... but I will admit that I think you kind of have to learn from the mistakes you make. Making the same one over and over... it makes me wonder how dumb a person can be.

    I guess that while my children will have different fathers, it won't be because I'm falling pregnant 4 months into EVERY relationship I have. That's how DD was conceived, but it won't be what happens with any other babies, because I've been there, done that, and realise how much of a bad idea it is... so go well out of my way to ensure it doesn't happen every again.

    I guess, when I hear of people doing the same thing over and over... I do judge their ability to make good decisions. Falling pregnant within a few months of meeting a guy, several times over... well, that's kind of crappy decision making, no matter which way you spin it.

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  5. #103
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    A friend of mine has children to three different fathers. She loves those kids, they are her world. To think that because she had a trusting heart, and didn't meet 'the one' right away that her children are 'mistakes' to some makes me sad. My son was the best choice I ever made, but then again I don't live my life according to other peoples morals

  6. #104
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    Quote Originally Posted by anewme View Post
    People tend to think

    a) that no one has big families anymore unless they are the his, hers and mine blended type.

    b) that having big gaps mean new partners. I have 19yr old and a baby and a few in between.
    I was asked by an old school friend on Facebook, and I think it was for exactly these reasons... Not many people have four children anymore, and there's an 11 year gap between our eldest and youngest.

    I've been thinking about this thread since yesterday. DS1 was a whoopsie; DH was 22 and while we'd been together 3 1/2 years and we were engaged that's still a very young age to *know* how someone will respond.

    We've worked hard at our marriage and I think we have a lot to be proud of. But I think good fortune plays a role in all marriages. I think it's foolish for anyone to say they're where they are solely due to good choices and hard work; plenty of failed marriages have resulted despite good choices and hard work.

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  8. #105
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    London is offline “I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves" - Betty White
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    Quote Originally Posted by BabyG4 View Post
    I get asked all the time also.
    I still remember a convo not so long ago where a lady said 'omg you have 4 beautiful daughters, are they all from the same father' 'yes' 'now not meaning to be rude but is the father still around because it would take a real good man to stick around after 4 daughters'
    Ummm WTF.. Funny thing is she thought it was normal to ask these questions and thought I was extremely lucky to have a hubby that loved his daughters and didn't leave me after no son.
    See, I personally would take that as "he is a strong guy to be in a house full of girls" as apposed to "wow, you havent given him a son and he is still around?!".

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  10. #106
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    Quote Originally Posted by MeetTheBluths View Post
    But how many people do you know like this? Seriously, where do you live? I don't know of anybody like this and although I'm sure it happens but I think it's a very smsll minority of situations. I think life's more complicated than that specific scenario also... It's so far-fetched.
    I work as a midwife. I see situations like this everyday. It's horrible. I don't know if its the women making bad choices and not using contraception or if its ******* men leaving them when they find out she's pregnant or a combination of both. Where I work it's not uncommon to meet a 21 year old pregnant with her 4th baby with four different fathers. Surely after the first 2 or even the third something would have clicked that this is probably not the best idea.
    Last edited by wannawannabe; 21-04-2013 at 12:39.

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  12. #107
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    I find the comments along the lines that "it would never happen to me and my relationship" a bit strange. Lets face it, even the strongest relationships can fail. My DH despises people who cheat, to the point where he can't be friends with men who do it to their parters. But I am still not so naive to think it could never happen to me. It probably won't, but there are no guarantees in life, and I know people who have cheated that I have been gobsmacked about, I would have bet my life that they weren't that kind of person blah blah blah.

    My mum and dad were together for 4 years before they got married and then didn't have kids until 10 years after that - by choice, so that is 14 years. He still ended up cheating on her. People can and do change.

  13. #108
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    I find the comments along the lines that "it would never happen to me and my relationship" a bit strange. Lets face it, even the strongest relationships can fail. My DH despises people who cheat, to the point where he can't be friends with men who do it to their parters. But I am still not so naive to think it could never happen to me. It probably won't, but there are no guarantees in life, and I know people who have cheated that I have been gobsmacked about, I would have bet my life that they weren't that kind of person blah blah blah.

    My mum and dad were together for 4 years before they got married and then didn't have kids until 10 years after that - by choice, so that is 14 years. He still ended up cheating on her. People can and do change.
    I agree.

    When FOB and I were together, we promised to each other we wouldnt ever have kids to other people cos neither of us wanted our son to have that dynamic in his life.
    We split when DS was 1 and 10months later I met DP and told him I didnt want anymore kids so if being a father was in his plans we werent going to start dating. 7yrs later we are pregnant with our first (and only) child and FOB couldnt be happier for us.....if FOB decided he wanted a child with his long term partner, Id be over the moon for him too.
    I do not want my son having a string of half brothers and sisters to 'flings' if that makes sense.

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  15. #109
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    I find the comments along the lines that "it would never happen to me and my relationship" a bit strange. Lets face it, even the strongest relationships can fail. My DH despises people who cheat, to the point where he can't be friends with men who do it to their parters. But I am still not so naive to think it could never happen to me. It probably won't, but there are no guarantees in life, and I know people who have cheated that I have been gobsmacked about, I would have bet my life that they weren't that kind of person blah blah blah.

    My mum and dad were together for 4 years before they got married and then didn't have kids until 10 years after that - by choice, so that is 14 years. He still ended up cheating on her. People can and do change.
    I think its because even though its a possibility, people dont want to live their lives thinking about what ifs or expecting things like that to happen to them.

    Is divorce a possibility? Of course it is. Does that mean I think it will happen to me? Nope, I choose to live my life thinking positive. Doesn't mean I think I am immune or better etc, I just dont want to live my life thinking if/when that happens IYKWIM.

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  17. #110
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    Oh yeah, Of course Peanutmonkey. I don't live my life thinking it is going to happen, I just know that life has a way of throwing curve balls and I would never be one of those people that would say "XYZ would never happen to me".

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