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  1. #1
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    Default my partner is anxious and stresses me at times that i most need quiet, comfort, peace

    my partner is anxious and stresses me at times that i most need quiet, comfort, peace

    eg i had a car crash once. He was not in the crash. I felt so lucky to have someone to call who would come straight away.
    But then when he came he kept shouting at me what he thought was important and wouldnt give me a moment of peace.

    He was driving me nuts, bringing me to breaking point, causing me to shout at him
    as i was repeating that i need quiet for 5 minutes to focus on gettting the car emptied before it was towed.

    he would not shut up. He would not allow me the peace i badly needed to empty the car properly. He would not get away from me.

    I feel so lucky to have a partner who is
    trustworthy that he wouldtn steal or cheat
    but untrustworthy that he will give me the peace i need in crisis situations
    i feel so lucky to have a partner who is smart and helpful caring available

    but he really can leave me so stressed so ill sometimes for days after by not respecting boundaries or being able to control his brain or anxiety
    or i dont know what his issue is but its very stressful when it happens.

    I give him peace when he needs it but his brain doesnt seem to hear to give it back to me

    what can i do ?

  2. #2
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    Tell him to be quite?

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jakois View Post
    Tell him to be quite?
    Best advice ever!

  4. #4
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    i did and he wouldnt and i kept telling him and trying to do what i needed and he wouldnt

    thats the problem

    it clearly says that .

  5. #5
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    AdornedWithCats is offline Winner 2013 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    No advice really but have you tried to talk to him about it when you're both calm (ie. When nothings happened)? I can imagine how stressed and freaked out you would feel having a car accident...however small/mild and I don't think its a good idea to discuss stressful things then (especially from the shock of the crash).

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    well at the time i really didnt know how to get him away from me as he was really overwhelming me and driving me nuts when i needed to focus quietly on emptying out my car properly and fast before the tow truck came

    yes with my children and with him i always try to talk at other times calmly about things.

    However with him i find

    he gets defensive
    he never admits wrong
    he never apologises
    he always tries to make me wrong.

    There are over the years several significant experiences eg the car crash and his behaviour

    and other small stressful things

    where i give him the peace, nurturing and support he needs

    but when i most need it he gives me the opposite

    I do believe its to do with being anxious and maybe a bit manic, rather than cruelty. He is otherwise a very caring person but more through action rather than words. I"m the one thats good with calming comforting words.

    He helped after so much calling and waiting for the tow truck while i had somewhere urgent to be.

    But it still is like a tornado hitting you , or a jackhammer, when you most need calm and quiet.

    He cant seem to control his brain
    but still the stress it causes me is enormous.

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    I find a loud "SHUT UP" works well

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    OP any chance you and sylvia1111 are the same person?

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    Atropos  (19-04-2013),Boobycino  (19-04-2013),CMF  (20-04-2013),Lincolns mummy  (19-04-2013),onionskin  (19-04-2013),Taiyed  (20-04-2013)

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    Isn't it against the rules to have more than one account...

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    Several hubbers create anonymous accounts when they are posting about potentially incredibly personal things. I don't think that her identity should take over the focus of the thread from her problem

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