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  1. #1
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    Default What can i do when friends anxious friends are stressful.

    I have had a few people around me that i can feel a bit stressed or bombarded by. Some the relationship is worth me keeping and some i stay away from .

    One friend is so wonderful in many ways but gets anxious at stressful times , so instead of being gentle and calming they are bombarding at times that i most need gentle calming support.

    Eg i had a car crash once and was so blessed that they came straight away.
    But because of their anxiety they were shouting at me about what they thought was important and were making things so horrible for me.

    I really needed them to step right away from me and allow me to empty my car completely before it got towed away. I needed quiet to focus on this. But he would not give me the quiet.

    There are other situations like that again where they are really being stressful at times when i'm already overloaded or suffering and must have peace.

    I know its their anxiety but what can i do to minimise these situations when he is helpful but there are times i need him to be quiet.

    Maybe his brain is a bit manic or he suffers anxiety and i'm just asking for something he cant do ,

    or maybe a counsellor could help but he gets too anxious re counsellors and refuses to see them.

  2. #2
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    If these people aren't offering the kind of support you require, then you need to not rely on them for that kind of support.

    Did you ask your friend to PLEASE BE QUIET RIGHT NOW when he was carrying on after your accident? Was he IN the accident? If he was a part of it, then he kind of reserves the right to act however he wants, but if you called him afterwards and he came, then perhaps now you know that he's not really someone who's going to offer you that kind of support, so not to ask him again.

    There's not much else you can do about it IMO.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    If these people aren't offering the kind of support you require, then you need to not rely on them for that kind of support.

    Did you ask your friend to PLEASE BE QUIET RIGHT NOW when he was carrying on after your accident? Was he IN the accident? If he was a part of it, then he kind of reserves the right to act however he wants, but if you called him afterwards and he came, then perhaps now you know that he's not really someone who's going to offer you that kind of support, so not to ask him again.

    There's not much else you can do about it IMO.
    I agree with this. I think you need to ring a different friend for support to be honest.

  4. #4
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    Those are great comments. No he was not in the crash. Yes that would be great if i had other people who at a moments notice could come.
    yes i was telling him to move away and give me some quiet i was telling him i need some quiet to empty the car. in fact i had just been in a major crash and he was bringing me to screaming point really really damaging and this is not the only time that this sort of thing has happened when he has come to support me and that made me so happy, till he arrived. As when he arrived he was so anxious that he was just terrible, stressing me out to the point of shaking.

    what do you do if this is your best friend, or partner or father or sibling or someone who is a huge support to you, and will come when you really need someone but perhaps in 10 years at least 10 times has been seriously stressful at critical times instead of gentle.

    He did then stay till the tow truck came, he called teh tow truck so he really helped me as i had something urgent i was on my way to that i would have missed.

    I am on one hand so lucky to have him caring and ont he other hand i do suffer from it terribly aswell.

    I have cut out from my life poeple who stressme , but this person generally offers me alot so i have not cut him out, though at times i need to stay away from him and need days to recover after being around him, and at times am left very stressed after being around him, but the far majority of times seem to be of benefit to me.

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    You just have to accept that people have flaws - that their job isn't to be perfect or change themselves to give you the kind of support you want.

    I don't think you need to do anything apart from realising that they won't always be perfect support, because nobody is perfect.

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    Is this your friend or partner? I just read your other thread and I'm not sure. My advice would be different depending on if it were a friend or your partner.

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    partner,

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    As someone that previously has suffered from severe anxiety I really feel for your partner/friend as it is horrible feeling anxious and often beyond one's control. He sounds like he was trying to offer support in the best way he could. Perhaps call someone who is less anxious if its that much of a problem otherwise accept them for who they are and be grateful for the support (however flawed) they can offer.

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    Quote Originally Posted by RipperRita View Post
    As someone that previously has suffered from severe anxiety I really feel for your partner/friend as it is horrible feeling anxious and often beyond one's control. He sounds like he was trying to offer support in the best way he could. Perhaps call someone who is less anxious if its that much of a problem otherwise accept them for who they are and be grateful for the support (however flawed) they can offer.
    I have also suffered anxiety and agree with this

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    so people who have suffered anxiety also found that that in situations where most would give loving gentle support they instead shouted and shouted and stressed the person instead?

    Yes i try to accept it but its a pretty horrendous experience to be bombarded relentlessly at stressful moments, at crisis moments when one needs peace to act or recover, and after a crash or similarly terrible times.

    can you tell me more about times you did similarly those who understand this anxiety please can you tell me more please.


 

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