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  1. #51
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    i dont like mother's groups lol. a bunch of women forced to meet up initially because they all have nothing in common but a baby the same age. other than that, it's usually a bunch of women i would never meet up with if i didnt have a baby. its just not for me. most would never admit to going thru a hard time so whats the point of it. My friends dont even admit to the hard times with their babies. That was my experience of mothers groups anyway. i know some mothers groups are wonderful and very close and supportive. but not any i have been apart of, unfortunately.

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by RipperRita View Post
    Let go of the guilt or it will eat you up and prolong your recovery. Be kind to your self. Try each day to be the best mother you can be but if things don't go to plan and you have frazzled moments where you swear at your dd, try and forgive yourself. Kids are very resilient and very forgiving. If you never give up trying, they will never give up loving you. I had a very rough (under statement of the year) time when my 2nd child came along. I was a raving lunatic and even spent a few weeks in the PND unit of a mental health hospital when my youngest was born. I know very well the shame you are feeling as I felt it as well. But there is absolutely no shame in not coping or suffering from PND. The more we openly talk about it the more it will help others as they will seek treatment earlier. My advice is put your shame, embarrassment and guilt aside and battle this with everything you've got. See psychiatrists, mental health nurses, go to PND support centres... Do whatever it takes and I promise "this too shall pass". You are so not alone.

    im sorry u had a super rough time. thankyou for your words of support. They have really helped.

  3. #53
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    I can understand everything you have said in this thread - I can relate to a lot of things and I too have suffered with PND and my next bit of advice comes from a good place.
    Nothing changes if nothing changes and you must first help yourself before others can help you. If you really want to get out of this hole then you need to ask for help you need to want to change some things and only you can make yourself get up and do it. I would very much encourage you to consider some of the well meaning wonderful advice you have been given about seeing your GP, pushing for day care, enforcing the 'leash' etc.
    I hope you don't take me as being harsh what I'm saying comes from a good place - honestly I have had tears reading some of your posts because I have felt that way before and it is a horrible way to live/feel. I just know I rejected a lot of advice when I was going through it because it all seemed too hard I was just exhausted of trying but the only thing that helped was when I got up an did something about it and asked for help.
    I really hope you come through this soon.

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Whoknows For This Useful Post:

    Albert01  (19-04-2013),Little Miss Muffet  (20-04-2013)

  5. #54
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    Perhaps a playgroup instead of a mothers group would suit you better.
    Last edited by Blue Dragon; 20-05-2013 at 22:52.

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    Also wanted add the suggestion of occasional care.
    Not sure if your area has community houses or not but in our area you can use the occasional care for a very small fee, usually for 3-4 hours and is run by qualified staff, could be an option for your older daughter.

    Also playcentres are good for kids who are 'runners' as they can't escape anywhere and can be as noisy as they like.

    No sleep and two littles would be very draining make sure you are taking multi vitamins and getting plenty of vit D and B vitamins.

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    You definitely need to talk to your husband before you get worse emotionally. You honestly need to do something on your own for a few hours a week and break it up over a few days so you feel it more.

  8. #57
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    I agree with PPs saying you need to talk to DH and also perhaps your GP or MCHN. You can't go on like this lovely.

    For now, when DH comes home from work, leave. Walk out of the house and do something for 30 minutes. Go for a walk, or just sit in the car and read a magazine. You need to get out of the house and away from the kids! If DH is not going to let you use CC then maybe this could be the alternative- some respite each afternoon, and a longer break on the weekends.

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  10. #58
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    Thankyou. i havent looked into ocasional care? i dont know if where i am have it available? maybe i will have to do some investigating. a few hours without dd, knowing she's being entertained would be a god send. we go to playgroup, its relaxed, the mum's there are lovely and helpful when i want to do an activity with dd someone is always happy to offer to hold ds without me even asking. we go to toddler library time and we used to have regular playdates. but i stopped it all because i was just too tired and it was so hard to get out of the house to be there on time. I'd come home from those sessions so exhausted - then ds wouldnt go down for his nap so id pass out on my bed with him. before i knew it dd was awake again and i hadnt eaten lunch or had time to myself for a bit. DD and i used to do lots of home activities when ds 'used' to sleep. it helped her behaviour, im a bit of a big kid and i love playing with playdough, being creative and all that. Now i cant set up her painting beause we dont get a chance to do it very long as ds only sleeps 20mins at a time and i cant leave dd alone with paint while im trying to get ds back to sleep!!! u can imagine how frustrated she gets when we start something fun and all of a sudden have to stop. she doesnt understand.
    everything has just changed now that ds isnt sleeping. im getting help for that. The sleep people are very good listeners and especially mine who knows i went down the pnd path - i think she will keep an eye on me just quietly.
    when dh coms home i usually bolt for the shower and lock the dooors lol i spend 20mins in the bathroom just making myself look and feel normal. sometimes ill just cry to get it all out then and there. those small thinks like applying moisturiser properly rather than just slapping it on. Makes me feel good. Then i feel i can face everyone again. BUT if dh brings dd into the bathroom or they are knocking on the door for something stupid like for "a kiss" or "whats for dinner" or "do we have any beer" that will throw me right off and i snap.
    Last edited by Little Miss Muffet; 20-04-2013 at 10:41.

  11. #59
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    i am so relieved this morning as dh has taken not one but BOTH the kids out.
    He was originally just going to take our 2yr old but i said "no. i want you to take them both....it's fun!" (sarchasm intended).
    Then he said "ohh, well i was going to go to such and such but i wont take both of them there, so i'll just go to such and such and come home..."
    I said "no. do what u were going to do and for however long it takes you. i have to take them both EVERYWHERE. you have never been out with the both of them alone.....it's fun!, seriously!" (more sarchasm intended).
    So he packed the baby carrier, the twin stroller, the single stroller and the child "dog leash" that he almost killed me for purchasing.
    ds was already screaming as he was putting him into the car....sounds about right. He's in for alot of fun.
    Wonder if when he comes back, it will be a good time to talk to him about daycare and how much i am struggling???

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  13. #60
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    Oh that's great LMM. I hope it makes him realise just how full on it is for you! Enjoy your free time

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