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  1. #41
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    i feel awful admitting this but my realtionship with my dd has never felt like a natural loving mother-daughter relationship. I dont know if pnd had anything to do with it but i have always felt like ive had to make an effort to feel a bond with her. Once she turned one, things got better our relationship improved.
    Then ds ame along and i started actually 'hating her...hating her behaviour'. i swear at her and i yell at her. dh has told me off for swearing at her telling me not to use those words but i cant help it, she has always pushed me to my limits. We both have short fuses. Then i go to bed and cry because i know how awful i am to her.
    Childcare - dh only wants his kids in care because both parents are working and its a last resort.
    - he doesnt want to be out of pocket if im not working
    - he's worried what other's (his mum/family) will think as they are all against care unless parents have to work.
    Those are his main reasons.
    I havent spoken to him yet, im embarressed about feeling depressed again and admitting it to him. i dont know why.

  2. #42
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    i know exatly how wrong it all is but im at breaking point atm. i know im not myself or thinking straight. im barely getting a 3hr stretch of sleep a night. im constantly battling to get ds to sleep longer thn 20mis thru the day.
    My days are horrible. i hate waking up everyday to struggle thru it.
    I cant even escape from the house with the kids for a walk down our street beause dd will scream the whole way and refuse to walk back to the house. It;'s a nightmare.
    i have snacks out all day for her to help herself and she can open the fridge and knows where her food and drink bottle is.
    She is a good sleeper (now) 3hrs after lunch without fail. so i can rule out hunger and sleep.
    She's just a royal pita right now and im not in the right frame of mind to deal with her appropriately.
    oh and i cant stand when dh comes home at night after ive told him she's been a little ***** all day and says "lets go give mummy a kiss, lets go see mummy in the shower..." GET THE F AWAY FROM ME FOR 10MINS!"
    Last edited by Little Miss Muffet; 19-04-2013 at 13:44.

  3. #43
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    I think you need to see a GP asap for some help with your feelings. I know that feeling of resenting a child - I really did fell that way with DD2 a while back. But it can improve - it doesn't have to be like this.

    You really sound like you need some help. can you get to a GP?

  4. #44
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    the thing is, i know it does get better - so much better.
    I just need to get thru this part. I was undiagnosed pnd but my mchn and 'sleep lady' were very concerned. Dh noticed the dramatic change too. They sent me off for blood tests to check for thyroid issues. I didnt bring up my feelings with the gp as i never go to doctors and i didnt want to open up to a stranger (here i am doing it to a bunch of strangers lol).
    i eventually 'snapped out of it'.
    Im in a diffucult place atm. im trying to get there.
    i dont feel resentment towards ds. we have an increadable strong bond. i felt it from when he was born. So different to my relationship with dd.
    i dont think it's pnd. i think it's just a bit of depression atm. loss of motivation, enjoment in life, negative thoughts, feeling overwhelmed....that sort of thing.
    Little sleep just makes it all so much worse than what it is.
    Last edited by Little Miss Muffet; 19-04-2013 at 13:54.

  5. #45
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    OK - but what's different this time is that you have a baby and a toddler, which is 1000 times harder. Only you know what you are willing to do but I seriously wished I'd spoken to a professional when I was going through it. And it took a long time for things to improve (basically DD2 starting preschool a year later).

    I still have so much guilt about that year - just trying to help you get to a better place quicker than I did.

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    Little Miss Muffet  (19-04-2013)

  7. #46
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    thankyou. i hate the guilt too. i hate remembering how awful it was when dd was a baby. i have no good memories of her as a tiny baby. i dont want it to repeat itself with ds.
    I feel embarrassed about it. i dont want anyone to find out what im going thru. esp how i yell and swear at dd.

  8. #47
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    If it's any consolation she won't remember - but you will.

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  10. #48
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    I know the mummy guilt too. We arent perfect but we definitely do love our little ones.

    When we moved over to Australia I was depressed too and could not take proper care of my DS1 that time. He was 17 months. THis age they are mostly in their own world. I was not working but there wasnt much choice. I did not have any family to help take care of DS1 and give me a break. So we had to send him to childcare...just once a week...to give me a break. Then we increased to 2 days a week.

    I really think you need to see a counsellor for some help....some real person who can help and listen to you and a real shoulder whom you can cry on.

    Can your MCHN arrange something for you? Or some mothers' group will be great too.
    Last edited by Mom2TwoDSs; 19-04-2013 at 14:14.

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  12. #49
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    Do you have any structure or routine to your day? When I first had DD the things that I found really helpful were:
    - making DS's lunch and snacks the night before or before DF had left to go to work. That way he would have his lunch without fuss.
    - go for a walk in the morning with both children, even if it's only around the block. DS was a runner so I had a back up plan if it all went pear shaped, I would put him in the pram and put DD in a sling that I kept under the pram. We all felt much better for getting some fresh air even if it was a bit of a haul to get everyone downstairs. Exercise is the most natural way of improving mental health.
    - have some activities for DS planned where he didn't need too much supervision. This was usually sticker books.
    - try to get a pattern to the day in regard to what you do. I'm not suggesting you stick to some awful routine that dictates what you do every minute but more 'after lunch is nap time' type thing.
    - use bribes where necessary. Have treat box for your DD and if she's good she can pick a treat. Ours is filled with stickers, little plastic toys, cars, party favour kind of toys. Bribes can be as simple as "you can watch TV after you brush your teeth". Basically, if they want anything, use it as leverage to get them to do something first whether it be tidy their room, put stuff away, get dressed, brush teeth, etc.

    xx

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    Let go of the guilt or it will eat you up and prolong your recovery. Be kind to your self. Try each day to be the best mother you can be but if things don't go to plan and you have frazzled moments where you swear at your dd, try and forgive yourself. Kids are very resilient and very forgiving. If you never give up trying, they will never give up loving you. I had a very rough (under statement of the year) time when my 2nd child came along. I was a raving lunatic and even spent a few weeks in the PND unit of a mental health hospital when my youngest was born. I know very well the shame you are feeling as I felt it as well. But there is absolutely no shame in not coping or suffering from PND. The more we openly talk about it the more it will help others as they will seek treatment earlier. My advice is put your shame, embarrassment and guilt aside and battle this with everything you've got. See psychiatrists, mental health nurses, go to PND support centres... Do whatever it takes and I promise "this too shall pass". You are so not alone.

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