i feel awful admitting this but my realtionship with my dd has never felt like a natural loving mother-daughter relationship. I dont know if pnd had anything to do with it but i have always felt like ive had to make an effort to feel a bond with her. Once she turned one, things got better our relationship improved.
Then ds ame along and i started actually 'hating her...hating her behaviour'. i swear at her and i yell at her. dh has told me off for swearing at her telling me not to use those words but i cant help it, she has always pushed me to my limits. We both have short fuses. Then i go to bed and cry because i know how awful i am to her.
Childcare - dh only wants his kids in care because both parents are working and its a last resort.
- he doesnt want to be out of pocket if im not working
- he's worried what other's (his mum/family) will think as they are all against care unless parents have to work.
Those are his main reasons.
I havent spoken to him yet, im embarressed about feeling depressed again and admitting it to him. i dont know why.