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  1. #31
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    I completely understand. I had to leave DD every night for 102 days while she was in the NICU, and its caused some control and anxiety type issues for me now. I'm fine with my mum coming and watching my DD here, even if I go out for a couple of hours. But the thought of her in the car being driven to my mum's house to be watched for the same length of time makes me VERY anxious. I know it's probably not rational, but having gone through the trauma of a very long NICU stay, it's going to take a while.

    Baby steps! Maybe try leaving him at your mum's when you're only 5 minutes away so you can "hold out" as long as you can and then be back really quickly, even if you only ended up being gone 15 minutes?


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  3. #32
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    I think you not being able to leave your child with your husband is what sends off huge warning bells in my mind. I think you should go to your GP to discuss the issues that have stemmed from when your DS was born.

    I suffer from anxiety so I know how debilitating it can be. However, one thing I learned is that if you give in to your anxiety, it only makes it worse not better. It is also highly likely that you will pass on this anxiety on to your son because he will model your behaviour. I am not saying this to scare you, but because I have seen my older son exhibit things that I have done and if I could go back and change what I did, I would in a heartbeat.

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  5. #33
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    Thanks everyone for their comments. I will take it all on board.

    I am trying to do what is best for everyone, but mostly DS.

    I think it may of come across that I don't trust DH with DS but that is not the case at all. The fact that DS hasn't had a long period of time with DH is simply because there hasn't been a need for it. At times I will suggest to DH that he take DS somewhere or do something and DH will prefer to do it as a family. DS loves his daddy and loves spending time with him so there is no issue with that at all.

    In terms of my anxieties and whether there are specific things that I am concerned about, I was wondering this myself. I think my main concern is 'what if he needs me'?
    There have been so many times that he has been upset and the only way I have calmed his had been by breastfeeding him (cures everything lol). If this happens while I'm away it's not fair to DS or to whoever is looking after him.

    I understand that I need to leave him with people for his sake and I have full intentions of doing this, I think when my mum spoke about it yesterday, I was scared by the idea of leaving him for 2+ hours for his first time away from me. It didn't even occur to me to build up the time between now and then (I guess I lost logic), so thanks to everyone for those suggestions.

  6. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by HippyGirl85 View Post
    Thanks everyone for their comments. I will take it all on board.

    I am trying to do what is best for everyone, but mostly DS.

    I think it may of come across that I don't trust DH with DS but that is not the case at all. The fact that DS hasn't had a long period of time with DH is simply because there hasn't been a need for it. At times I will suggest to DH that he take DS somewhere or do something and DH will prefer to do it as a family. DS loves his daddy and loves spending time with him so there is no issue with that at all.

    In terms of my anxieties and whether there are specific things that I am concerned about, I was wondering this myself. I think my main concern is 'what if he needs me'?
    There have been so many times that he has been upset and the only way I have calmed his had been by breastfeeding him (cures everything lol). If this happens while I'm away it's not fair to DS or to whoever is looking after him.

    I understand that I need to leave him with people for his sake and I have full intentions of doing this, I think when my mum spoke about it yesterday, I was scared by the idea of leaving him for 2+ hours for his first time away from me. It didn't even occur to me to build up the time between now and then (I guess I lost logic), so thanks to everyone for those suggestions.
    I can make some suggestions for your bubs transitioning to being cared for by someone else, for any amount of time. They are only suggestions so don't feel pressured to take them on board, because you are his mum.

    You can express some breastmilk and have a dummy dipped into it, this might not seem like it works, but can work for a crying baby. It worked with mine anyway.

    Give him a special toy and perhaps a shirt, that has breast milk on it. Just so that he can smell you and this might comfort him.

    When you leave him in the care of someone else, make sure you say bye, I learnt this while I was working in childcare. Some childcare can have increased anxiety because their parent just "sneak out" on them. In the centre where I worked we always had the kids wave bye to their parents.

    Seperation anxiety is normal for kids of any age, so don't be so hard on yourself hun.
    My daughter who was 6 at the time, was teary at school because she missed her mum, this will always be an issue, but there are ways that you minimise this.

    Good luck with trial and errors.

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  8. #35
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    Don't forget to that your son will settle in different ways for different people. My daughter will be upset and, with me, want a breastfeed. But if she was with her dad, she would happily be comforted in other ways, with a cuddle and so on.

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  10. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by MamaNurture View Post
    Don't forget to that your son will settle in different ways for different people. My daughter will be upset and, with me, want a breastfeed. But if she was with her dad, she would happily be comforted in other ways, with a cuddle and so on.
    Agree. Both girls used to only want boob from me... But cuddles from dad was fine and my mum used to sing to them.

  11. #37
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    Does your son like your mum? Will he be happy to be with her?

    Why don't you go out for a half hour one day and leave him with mum. See how he goes. If he gets upset get your mum to call you.

    I understand you're nervous but it's a good opportunity to start to get him to learn that he can cope without you for a little while.

    Good luck for your scan!

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  13. #38
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    I don't think it's an unreasonable request, however your mum isn't being unreasonable either. I have been asked to jump through hoops to babysit friends children and I feel the onus is on THEM to make it easier for me, the one taking time to do them a favour. I have a rule now.. I babysit at home, I will not make a trip to do them favours.

    I also think your little one may miss out on some amazing relationships and experiences if your anxiety continues, especially if he picks up on it and becomes anxious himself.

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  15. #39
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    I've only read the first few replies however I was exactly the same (funnily enough in the exact same situation!). I had left ds occasionally for maybe half an hour but when I went for my scan I was not comfortable leaving him for so long considering I didn't know how long it would take (actually this was for my 20 week scan, we took ds to the 12 week and it was a nightmare!) so my mum came and took him to the cafeteria for some food. So no I don't think its unreasonable to ask that.

    In saying that however I do think leaving him has to start sometime and I made the mistake of not leaving him more often before ds2 was born so when I went to hospital it was very hard on him.

  16. #40
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    I can't even pretend to know how you feel so won't start. I had to go back to work for financial reasons when my son was 4 months old so I had to leave him with mum for a month then he went to daycare. Now at 4 years old I am thankful for anyone who can give me a break from the yapping

    Anxiety is hard work, especially after a sick child. For a long time you will feel a need to protect him.

    A great start could be if your mum could come to your house or you go to hers and you go for a walk or go shopping for an hour or two. Small steps. then build up to an arvo or morning, then if you are comfy overnight.

    As mentioned I am not anxious about leaving my son but I can remember waking DH up at 3am when we were staying at someones house after a few drinks to drive home cause I started to miss him too much.

    Good luck, have a wee action plan where you can take small comfortable steps, soon it will get easier and easier and make the transition for you having bubs 2 much easier.

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