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  1. #21
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    Just had a flashback to going to a coffee shop with my son when he was 15 months. Wouldn't sit still,fidgeting, wanting to run. Hell. Definitely better to leave him in his home with your mum. Or leave him with your husband and your mum can come with you.

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    One comment is that it is much harder to look after a toddler out-and-about than in a home environment.

    I think you should consider the options of either building up to a point where you are comfortable leaving your son with your Mum in a home environment, or take your son with you.

    Getting Mum to mind him outside is a lot more strain on her - and likely confusing for him being in a strange environment and with you as well.

  3. #23
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    I also think that you are being incredibly honest with the way that you feel about it all, and that you are expressing it.

    Those 2 things in itself are an accomplishment to be proud of.

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  5. #24
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    OP I really think you need to perhaps see someone about your anxiety. As you get bigger your DS will begin to understand about the baby, and will figure out that he's getting sent to other people because of the baby. The sooner you get him used to it, the better imo. Preferably before you're far along enough for him to put two and two together. What happens if you need to go to the ED during this pregnancy? I went 3 times in the middle of the night last pregnancy, all 3 times my mum had to watch DS. What if you get put on bedrest at hospital at 22 weeks? You may not have all the time you think you have. For your son's sake I really think you can't take your time with this.

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  7. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    I agree with this. I also think it's important for our anxieties/fears not to dominate and impact on our children's experiences.
    This. I feel like you should be more concerned about your sons anxiety rather than just your own. Be very careful not to project your own issues onto him.

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    You sound like a wonderful mum but I think you are being unreasonable.

    13 months is more than enough time to prepare bub from being away from mum for an afternoon.

    The fact that you can't leave bub alone with other people (especially hubby) for long periods is a little concerning to me. Firstly for social development bub needs to be able to interact with and be comfortable around people other than mum. Secondly, Bub has a right to have a close relationship with daddy and unless they have time alone together that's not going to happen. Thirdly, any mumma would benefit from a break and having daddy be a equal care provider is essential for mummy breaks.

    As for your mum when someone babysits they are being imposed upon. You can't increase the inconvenience for them by demanding they shadow you on an appointment. That's a bit rude and micro-managing. Let them babysit in their own home so they can still do some of their own thing.

    If you are only going to be gone for 2-4 hours I would just do it. I understand though that you may feel more comfortable easing into things (slowly increasing the times etc).

    Good luck
    Last edited by VicPark; 16-04-2013 at 21:48.

  9. #27
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    If you are going to be too anxious, I wouldn't "just do it" at the time of the scan. I would "just do it" at another time and take your son along to the scan.

    You want to be able to enjoy seeing your new bub, not spend the whole time worrying about DS and rushing through things just to get back to him.

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    Your mum is doing you a favour by babysitting. I can understand why she'd rather look after him at home. First time away with someone else, what if he has a tantrum or something and your mum is in a public place, that might be hard for her especially if he is not used to her looking after him.

    I think you are being unreasonable. Its only a short period of time and at some point you are going to have to do it. He's not going to do well if he is suddenly shifted aside when the baby comes so you need to make the change now.

    I also think its really strange and a bit sad that you barely even let your husband look after his own son.

  12. #29
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    It's never ever easy to leave your babies. However I don't think you are doing him any favours by not leaving him with other people ever. Don't get me wrong, leaving him with the 15 year old that lives down the street is very, very different to leaving him with his dad or grandparents! My DS adores his daddy and his granny and his FDC mum, and I love that I don't have to feel anxious about leaving him (I've unfortunately had to go back to work). He is such a happy, friendly, well adjusted little boy at only 9 months of age. He obviously prefers myself or DH but he also has a close bond with other people which I think is really good for him. I think it's unfair on both your hubby and your son that he doesn't get to have special time with his daddy, it's really important for them to have a special bond and it really does require lots of time without mum helicopter-ing. At the end of the day you need to do what is best for your kids, and they are ALWAYS going to love being around you, but do you really want your anxieties projected onto your kids? It would be sad for your boy to associate the changes that will inevitably happen with his new baby brother or sister. Good luck.

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    I have had several scans and tests post baby due to complications postpartum and my mum has been happy to watch bub in the waiting areas. She is now running around and still comes with me. I don't like being apart from her for long and it is also an opportunity for her to get out and about, socialise and get out of the house!

    I don't know how anyone can tell you that you are being unreasonable or not. It is about you and what is right for you. We all have different personality types and cope differently in situations. I too have high anxiety at times and have been told by a psych that I am highly strung. So what, that is me and I will do what creates the least stress and anxiety possible. You do whatever is right for you and your child another mantra of mine post baby has become "go with the flow". It will all work itself out. Hope your scan goes well

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