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  1. #11
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    I tend to disagree with most of the above posts. I can completely understand your anxiety about leaving your son especially since he is still so young. 13 months is still so little. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask your mum to go to the appointment with you and DS.

    Is there a reason she feels she should stay at home with him? Does she understand how anxious that would make you?

    I agree with others who said one step at a time. And I think a great first step is your mum coming to the scan and taking DS for a walk or something. You will have many more scans in your pregnancy and there will be plenty of opportunities to increase the amount of time she looks after him. I would also have a serious conversation with her about the way you feel. Good luck!

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  3. #12
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    I understand it's hard to leave a demand fed baby - my son won't take a bottle and only rarely will drink from a sippy cup, but I feel that it's important for my mental well being and his development for us to be able to be apart for a couple of hours.

    Can I ask, do you feel a general 'anxious' uneasy feeling, or is there something specific you are worried about that you think may happen?

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  5. #13
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    You're not being unreasonable, everyone does what works for their own family so it's pretty hard to judge someone else's situation without bias. It is hard for some mums to contemplate how others are comfortable leaving their children from an early age, just like its hard for other mums to empathise with how hard it can be for some to leave them at all.

    There isn't a right or wrong, you have to do what feels right.

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  7. #14
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    It's lovely that you have such a close relationship with your son, but what about your son's relationship with his grandma?

    Unless your mum is seriously untrustworthy (eg drinks, gambles, likely to leave DS unsupervised), I think its unreasonable not to leave your son with her in your own home. You have a month to work on the anxiety/trust issues.

    Best of luck!

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    Surely, anxiety wise, having her watch him in his own home should be less stressful? Most importantly for him (in his own environment while being babysat for the first time can only be a good thing) but also for her. Im sure she knows you'll be stressed about it so she probably thinks that being at home where he's safe, relaxed etc.would be nicer for you.

  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by JR03 View Post

    IMO, I think it's up to you with what you feel comfortable with, but at 15 months I do think its a bit odd that you don't even leave him with your husband.
    This exactly ^^^ I don't blame your mum for not wanting to sit in a waiting room with an active baby. I wouldn't expect my mum to.

    Unless there are reasons your mum/DH can't be trusted then I don't see what the big deal is...

  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    I think you need to really get a move on with getting comfortable leaving him with other people, to be honest. I too think it's odd and slightly unhealthy that he's only ever gone to the park with his own father. I don't think it's normal to have that level of anxiety over leaving your baby with your partner.
    In a matter of months, you will be having another baby. Are you having a hospital birth? Is your mum looking after your DS while you are in hospital? What if you have a caesar or complications, and you have to stay in hospital for 4 or more nights? It's unfair on your DS that he isn't even used to staying with dad for longer than an hour or so, he will suddenly have everything change because of the new baby. I think your first step is allowing your mum to look after him on her terms, and you'll have to work really hard over the next few months to work on your fears to let his grandma and dad look after him a lot more.
    I agree with this. I also think it's important for our anxieties/fears not to dominate and impact on our children's experiences.

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  12. #18
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    Honestly, I think it's a bit unreasonable.

    Others have already said my other thoughts in more detail, but I think you need to take this step very soon, for your son's wellbeing, not your own.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HippyGirl85 View Post
    We can build up the time between now and then, that is a good idea, however part of the problem is that I don't know how long we will be gone for.

    DH is starting to do more with DS without me around, again we are taking it slowly, especially as DH works 80+ hours each week, our time together as a family is precious.

    I have no problem taking DS into the appt with us, mum thought it may be an opportunity to look after bubs.

    I don't think my mum understands how anxious the idea of leaving him makes me, he was sick as a newborn and I had no choice but to have him away from me and I hated it.
    *Hugs* Well said hun, I would feel the same way, if I had a baby, I'm so clucky. Things change a lot when some choices are taken away from you, and as soon as you have all the choice in the world. You want to claim it, I know that feeling all too well. My first baby was in hospital for the first 3 months of her life, and I didn't get to hold her until she was 1 month old, since then I have never second guessed my decisions with her health, I take a doctors advice with me more than most people in my life. Yes, it's a different way of thinking.

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  15. #20
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    Sorry but I think you are being unreasonable. Being home with your son would be much easier for your mum rather than being in a waiting room with barely anything to entertain him. I do think its rather odd your husband doesn't even have one on one time with your son.


 

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